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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

he hit our son

74 replies

jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 19:22

oh god - please wwyd?

my 'dh' has just hit my 7 y/o son on the side of the head with a 1/2-full window-cleaner spray bottle (don't know why)

my son went Ape he was so upset.. I was in another room and heard the bang. was frozen to the spot... I asked dh what happened and he told me .. nice as you like without any remorse...

yesterday 'dh' pushed same son out of our bed - we were having family cuddle time - and he hit the floor.

WTF - he knows that I absolutely detest smacking or hitting of any kind... he's not violent towards me.. I suffer badly with anxiety and depression and we're due to go away on a family holiday on thurs...

he and my two sons are now chatting in the sitting room while I type this... is that not totally twisted?!

do I call the police and report him? I know that some parents smack but hitting on the head with a bottle is different surely?

I cant see this straight...my heart is pounding and I feel sick

OP posts:

Adarajames · 18/08/2014 00:30

And so do you! Be safe tonight, get advice in the morning and plan from there x

TheysayIamparanoid · 18/08/2014 00:45

You've made the right decision
Sending love and hugs

Kleptronic · 18/08/2014 01:00

You can do it. I think you are brave and here's a from an internet stranger. Keep safe.

notaloneanymore · 18/08/2014 01:19

You lot are lovely!!! Thanks. Tomorrow will be difficult. .. Cant believe it. My mind is racing. .x

Kleptronic · 18/08/2014 01:27

There'll always be someone around on here. People may not mince their words, but are rooting for you. Keep posting notalone, let us know how you're getting on, whatever happens x

notaloneanymore · 18/08/2014 02:06

Thanks. . Frightened but hopeful. . Hes been a berk for too long. .. crap.

My life as I know it is gone. Am drinking too much. He wull hold it against me. I dont care. I'll live with the consequences. What about our hols? First in six years. . I think I should examine the options. .

Kleptronic · 18/08/2014 02:20

Easier said than done I know, but can you try to cut down on the alcohol? It can make everything that bit harder to deal with and can make you feel even more tired.

Can you and the children go on holiday without him, or is it all booked in his name? Given the situation I think that you all going away somewhere with him would be a bad idea. I think it would be incredibly stressful and difficult for you and you don't need added difficulties right now. I imagine you are keen for the children to experience a holiday, but the most important thing right now is yours and their safety and well-being.

notaloneanymore · 18/08/2014 02:26

You're probably right. . It's a stretch xx

MexicanSpringtime · 18/08/2014 02:28

I think you will find your anxiety and desire to drink will lessen when you get away from this man. Remind yourself that it is not good to drink when you are responsible for small children.

Kleptronic · 18/08/2014 02:47

Try and sleep, notalone. I expect you've the DCs to deal with in the morning? Try and get your head down for a bit. Keep safe.

notaloneanymore · 18/08/2014 03:15

Oh and I fear the consequences

Kleptronic · 18/08/2014 03:39

Everything does not have to be decided right now. If you and the dcs are safe, sleep is a good immediate plan. You must be beyond exhausted. You need your sleep, you need to look after yourself too, so you can give the kids your best. Can you try to sleep now?

Kleptronic · 18/08/2014 12:09

How are you doing today, notalone?

simontowers2 · 18/08/2014 15:34

Remind yourself that it is not good to drink when you are responsible for small children.
I am sure the OP knows this Mexican, jeeez. People mentioning alcohol, get real. People do whatever they need to do to get through these periods, and if that means drinking a bit more than normal for a while, then so be it. It's hardly the end of the world. There is actually a world outside mumsnet where a few glasses of wine to unwind doesn't necessarily mean you are a raging alcoholic.

Jan45 · 18/08/2014 15:47

You do know why you don't like leaving your children with them - you just didn't want to face it. I am raging that he thinks it ok to smack a 7 year old with a metal can, oh and pushes him off the bed - what a fucken bully and shithole of a man, picking on a 7 year old child.

OP, you know what you have to do, please don't let him abuse the children any longer, I fear this will even escalate if you continue to live and play happy families with a monster.

Jan45 · 18/08/2014 15:48

And your kids are sitting chatting to him because they have no other option and inside are probably terrified of him.

FinnsMum19 · 18/08/2014 18:45

This is not ok. No excuses, none. Do not consider your options, leave or make him leave.

He hit your son around the head with an object, your son feels sad and like it's his fault. For gods sale, do what is right by your children and get the hell away from this man. Can you even imagine the damage that will be done to your children if you stay with this man?

FinnsMum19 · 18/08/2014 18:46

sake

AnyFucker · 18/08/2014 20:01

OP, are you one of those women that puts the emotional and physical safety of your kids in second place to that of a relationship with a man ?

LumpySpacedPrincess · 18/08/2014 20:13

He's already crossed all the boundaries. You need to ask him to leave, now.

Egghead68 · 18/08/2014 20:32

Did you speak to Women's Aid?

MiscellaneousAssortment · 18/08/2014 21:12

OP, please don't think the posts are blaming you for the awful situation at the moment, they are from people who are scared for your children and have seen the damage when the grown ups in charge don't step in to protect children.

It seems you've just had your eyes opened and what you see is horrifying. This man is not a good father, and your children are being damaged by him, emotionally as well as physically. It must feel like your life is collapsing, but you've got to get yourself and your children away from him safely.

I'd start by calling women's aid. You need to make a decision, then make a plan.

Good luck

Btw you may find your anxiety reduces alot when you're not living in a state of fear.

lomega · 18/08/2014 21:29

the minute anyone lays a finger on my child they never get to see him again. very black and white i know but that's just how I think and see life. hitting isn't okay. especially a little 7 year old or child of any age. how would he like to be hit around the head with a bottle? why would he do that anyway?!

Kleptronic · 18/08/2014 23:50

I hope you're ok notalone. I hope you called someone. You need outside assistance to help you deal with this.

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