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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

he hit our son

74 replies

jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 19:22

oh god - please wwyd?

my 'dh' has just hit my 7 y/o son on the side of the head with a 1/2-full window-cleaner spray bottle (don't know why)

my son went Ape he was so upset.. I was in another room and heard the bang. was frozen to the spot... I asked dh what happened and he told me .. nice as you like without any remorse...

yesterday 'dh' pushed same son out of our bed - we were having family cuddle time - and he hit the floor.

WTF - he knows that I absolutely detest smacking or hitting of any kind... he's not violent towards me.. I suffer badly with anxiety and depression and we're due to go away on a family holiday on thurs...

he and my two sons are now chatting in the sitting room while I type this... is that not totally twisted?!

do I call the police and report him? I know that some parents smack but hitting on the head with a bottle is different surely?

I cant see this straight...my heart is pounding and I feel sick

OP posts:
Original poster
jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 19:56

anti - you are right. I have been bullied at work and have not had a clue how to stand up to them. same at home. have tried and tried to get through to him...
never a good reason to hit a child. I rem my mum hitting me when I was eighteen with a tennis racket because we were arguing... been thinking about it lately. that was wrong wasn't it? I always thought I provoked her. not true.

OP posts:
scallopsrgreat · 17/08/2014 19:56

"he knows how I feel about hitting/smacking but seems to feel i'm irrelevant" Dear god. How is the rest of your relationship?

FiftyShadesOfGreen4205 · 17/08/2014 19:58

You need to get this thing away from your children. Women's Aid should be able to give you advice on the next steps to take. It is absolutely your duty to protect them. I'm sorry you're in this situation. It's awful. But please don't stay with him. He's dangerous.

Davidtennantmistress · 17/08/2014 19:59

God sorry but your comment you can't leave your children with their own father. It's not right.

I agree with the poster who says a mother should stand in front of her children, not just to the father but any other adult who thinks is acceptable to treat a child as less of a person just because they are small. They are innocent, no amount of provocation deserves to be whacked around the head. None.

God knows all of our kids push us to the limits we all loose our cool but something is clearly a miss. To lash out like this shows a clear loss of self control.

Original poster
jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 20:02

I felt I couldn't leave them because I wouldn't trust him not to yell at them or be aggressive - not necessarily physical.
he can be really mean -sometimes he apologises if I ask him to - fuck I need to handle this carefully

OP posts:
Kleptronic · 17/08/2014 20:03

You can do this. It will be hard but you can protect your children and show them you will protect them and that this is not acceptable.

I am sorry this is happening to you and the children, especially when you are at a low ebb. It is not unusual for violence to begin at such times - your resources are low. Somewhere inside him your husband knows that. I am not an expert, but I think it's a classic abuse pattern. He does not respect you and he is harming the children psychologically, and it can escalate to physical harm. You can stop this.

You can do this. You are able to see that it's wrong, you've posted on here about it, you can take the next step and protect your children.

tribpot · 17/08/2014 20:04

He doesn't have a parenting problem. He's an abuser. You know it and you're in denial about it because you're afraid to deal with it. The 7 year old is in no way responsible for what happened today.

You need to get away from him, and so do they.

Original poster
jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 20:04

just bringing boys to bed and to give them a story - will be back in a while

I suppose I have been looking for clarity and you have helped me to find it..

bastard

OP posts:
lettertoherms · 17/08/2014 20:04

Please talk to women's aid before you think about confronting him yourself.

Original poster
jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 20:05

tribpot I am afraid yes....

OP posts:
BlackWings · 17/08/2014 20:08

Hitting a child on the head is illegal, fine anywhere else Hmm.
I would call the police, you'll need 'evidence' to protect your dc in the future.
Women's Aid can help you protect them now.

Davidtennantmistress · 17/08/2014 20:08

Be safe, and calm. It doesn't need to be hitting to undermine self value and confidence especially for children, they are so fragile by nature and just learning to find their feet.

antimatter · 17/08/2014 20:08

no, you can't be told you provoked your mother to hit you with tennis racket

she was abusing her power over you

Original poster
jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 21:49

thanks all. contacted a friend of mine who is a social worker for kids.... told her I was talking about a friends situation. has given me a contact no for social services... asked about purpose of whack eg to chastise.

im worried he (H) goes so far and then backs away so all the things I believe are happening are quite tenuous.

I am even more concerned due to my anxiety but you have helped me to see this more straight....

OP posts:
Original poster
jenuwhine · 17/08/2014 21:50

as in I cant trust my instincts and will question myself first... going to name change just incase x

OP posts:
simontowers2 · 17/08/2014 22:00

Personally, i think if you stay with this guy you are complicit in, one, domestic abuse and, two, helping to create the next generation of domestic abusers. Protect your kids ffs. Leave.

notaloneanymore · 17/08/2014 22:05

i am. my nerves are jangling. like mad. kids all asleep. i spoke to my son before he went to bed and asked him how his head was and did he want to talk to me... he looked sad and said he felt sorry for his daddy because he (H)had to work hard with him.
WTF... going to ring womens aid and also the social work team. thankfully not at work tomorrow

squirrelweasel · 17/08/2014 22:06

Agree completely with simontowers. Please think of your little boy Sad you need to protect your children! this will only get worse I'm afraid. Phone the police.

LuluJakey1 · 17/08/2014 23:32

3 instances of 'physical discipline' in less than 2 days and you are wondering what you should do!
He pushed your 7 year old son out of bed onto the floor
He hit your 7 year old son across the head with a bottle of window cleaner-hard enough for you to hear the impact sound in the next room
He smacked your 3 year old son

All in 36 hours.

And he is shouting regularly.

Why are you not confronting him? You must feel scared of him or surely you would be stopping this and telling him to get out or at least that if he does it once more you will be ringing 101 because you think it is so serious.

lornemalvo · 17/08/2014 23:38

I would ask him to leave now.

myroomisatip · 18/08/2014 00:03

I cannot add to the good advice that you have been given here.

All I can say is if you are not quite clear enough to act now, then take more advice, Womens Aid, police, SS. I hope you realise that you MUST DO SOMETHING and soon.

notaloneanymore · 18/08/2014 00:04

I am scared. Scared of playing my hand. Let him think all is normal is my best shot...my life and the lives of my children are about to change forever. .
Fucker. Why?

notaloneanymore · 18/08/2014 00:06

Have pulled him before for hitting and he has apologised to him. O didn't this time and he's not apologised. Speaks volumes.

Adarajames · 18/08/2014 00:22

You are right not to confront him, he will only react with aggression and possibly violence. Speak to WA when you are alone, tell them what's happened and they'll advise you the safest way to be rid of this abusive bully. You're stronger than you think, you've recognised that this is wrong, you can do this for the safety of yourself and your children, so you should be congratulated on the start you've made to change things. Hand hold and hug

notaloneanymore · 18/08/2014 00:27

Adara thank you. This is a nightmare but my choice is clear. My babies need more and deserve so much more. .

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