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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

63 replies

Mumof3xox · 08/08/2014 18:25

"Dp" and I have been together 7.5 years. We have 3dc. We are due to be married in a years time.

Yet he still regresses every so often into an immature selfish little shit

Here I was thinking he has finally got past the going out and fucking us off as it hadn't happened for a while

But no. Here I am again. Absolutely livid and trying not to get upset infront of my dc

I just need to fuck him off perminantly don't I

Funny thing is, I don't want to hurt him!

OP posts:
Tiptops · 08/08/2014 18:28

It isn't funny that you don't want to hurt him, you clearly have normal feelings of not wanting to cause upset to another human being. He on the other hand...

You deserve better.

Original poster
Mumof3xox · 08/08/2014 18:29

I know this

We have separated before. It follows a pattern. First he doesn't give a fuck. Then he is crying to me. I take pity. He make promises. Everything is rosey for a bit. And then back to this

OP posts:
Tiptops · 08/08/2014 18:37

That must be such a wrench for you. I'm guessing it's like a roller coaster, periods of ups and downs constantly? Thing is, without him dragging you down every so often you could be on an even keel and enjoying life with your DC. I know you are trying to stay strong for their sake but they must sense an atmosphere; you and your DC could be free from that. It may not be easy but it will be worth it.

Original poster
Mumof3xox · 08/08/2014 18:40

In my heart I know that

In my head I feel stupid for having thought we had gotten past it

OP posts:
TalisaMaegyr · 08/08/2014 19:35

Where is he? Is he supposed to be home?

Quitelikely · 08/08/2014 19:37

Is it just going out drinking? How often is it?

Original poster
Mumof3xox · 08/08/2014 19:37

He's off taking the piss

He went out last night
Brought people back
Woke me up
Resulted in big row
Apologised this morning
I get in from work he has done fuck all house is a tip and he's out being a funny fucker with me and not knowing when he will return

OP posts:
TalisaMaegyr · 08/08/2014 19:40

Oh no no. Bollocks to that. If you've been putting up with this for a long time, you are wasting your life. He doesn't seem to care about hurting you.

HeySoulSister · 08/08/2014 19:40

He's not going to get any better with age.... He's a list cause op

Does he not work??

Original poster
Mumof3xox · 08/08/2014 19:41

It hasn't happened for a few months

I thought he was past it

Stupid

OP posts:
Original poster
Mumof3xox · 08/08/2014 19:42

He works but odd hours and few hours but decent pay

OP posts:
HumblePieMonster · 08/08/2014 19:54

Don't marry him - it will save you the cost of a divorce later.

Get rid if you can face it.

Original poster
Mumof3xox · 09/08/2014 06:50

I know I can't marry him

He never came home again last night

OP posts:
FlatCapAndAWhippet · 09/08/2014 07:04

Im not normally one to say this but honestly, sack him off. You could be describing my ex hubby. It just gets too much in the end, its tiresome, irresponsible and is shitty disrespectful behaviour towards you.
He'll never change, really. Its a waste of your time and investment.
Sorry :(

FlatCapAndAWhippet · 09/08/2014 07:07

I know the upheaval is awful to even contemplate but sometimes you're not really given too much of an option.

Original poster
Mumof3xox · 09/08/2014 07:09

I can't bare the thought of seeing his face

I hope he stays away today

OP posts:
IUsedToUseMyHands · 09/08/2014 07:20

Do you guys own your home OP? Or have you got any other joint investments? If so, take some legal advice before walking away, particularly if you are financially dependent on him.

Original poster
Mumof3xox · 09/08/2014 07:24

We don't own no we rent

No joint investments

I am not financially dependent on him at all

OP posts:
IUsedToUseMyHands · 09/08/2014 07:27

That simplifies things. It sounds like you want to leave - and it certainly sounds terrible - but at the very least, postpone the wedding if you are feeling this way, better yet cancel it.

Poycastle · 09/08/2014 07:28

You know, often I get sad that I don't have a partner and then I read something like this.

Having been through this pattern sooo many times myself I must say it makes no difference if people keep telling you to leave and that it's not worth it etc

You need something major to happen/change that will be the catalyst to leave

I know for sure people never change, not in the long term anyway

I don't think any words will help, but sending you a hand hold x

Original poster
Mumof3xox · 09/08/2014 07:37

Thank you

It won't be me leaving

It will be him

OP posts:
tribpot · 09/08/2014 07:42

Why would he change? Every time he puts on the puppy eyes you take him back and he knows he's got away with it til next time.

It doesn't sound like he has ever made a serious commitment to changing his ways, just he was sorry. I think you were on a hiding to nothing when you thought he had changed; it's only been a few months since last time.

Sounds like home life for your children will be calmer without him there.

Original poster
Mumof3xox · 09/08/2014 07:47

That is true

I just need to be strong in telling him

OP posts:
ThePinkOcelot · 09/08/2014 08:14

Just pack all of his stuff in black bags and leave them outside fit him to collect. I wouldn't even let him back in the house. He won't change. He has shown you that.

VerityWaves · 09/08/2014 08:16

Wow that really is childish and selfish behaviour - you have 3 children with this guy and he just disappears and leave you to it !?? Fuck that..

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