think my boyfriend likes men. help!

[proudmam14]

I think my boyfriend is into men because I have found gay porn on his phone numerous times and recently found some explicit 'gay' photos of himself on the bed on his phone. I don't want to ask him about it because he will turn it on me and tell me I have been snooping in his 'private' phone and the kick off asking if I have read his messages but he always makes jokes about gay guys like his best friend who is obviously gay and they're too close for my liking for them just being friends. I don't know if it links to his childhood as 'things' happened when he was young to him (if you understand what I mean) he also loves anal an awful lot.

How long have you been with him.

I don't think you have anything to lose tbh. You might aswell tell him what you saw and see what happens. You don't want to be stuck with a gay man do you

So if you can't talk to him about this, what's the plan?

Just ask him, you don't have any choice really.

You know deep down what is going on. Its painful and you dont want to confront it. As someone who has ignored something terrible for a long time, I would suggest that you get to to the bottom of this pronto. You have no time to waste.

found some explicit 'gay' photos of himself on the bed on his phone
he always makes jokes about gay guys like his best friend who is obviously gay
he also loves anal an awful lot
assuming you are giving an accurate portrayal, you are having sex with a gay man (i hope you are using suitable protection) and is this what you really want? your keeping quiet about it won't make him 'not gay'.

Just dump, nicely. No need to give detailed explanations. He'll probably be relieved. It makes you wiser in the long term, but it's painful now unfortunately.

Agree with all of the above. My ex had Gaydar on his history on the PC, managed to explain it away very convincingly. Months later I received an an anonymous letter from one of his contacts on the site - along with a printout of my ex's profile. It had had 11 thousand hits (he'd been on there for years).
I joined an online support group called English Wives who were awesome; they'd all been in the same situation more or less as me. I'd definitely recommend them if you need specialist support.

Bitter - am rather disgusted by your inference that gay = paedophile, in your comment above.

Hetero blokes would never have gay porn in their devices. They just don't. Lesbians yes, gay guys no. He is gay. Leave without telling him you snooped. Just say it's not working out for you or somesuch. Honesty isn't always the best policy.

Wow bitter, so a gay man would clearly be into boys as well yes? I assume that means as a straight women you like boys as well as men? I suggest OP you speak to him and tell him what you have found, he may be bisexual, he may be gay but you need to know. He might even be relieved.

He's gay.

I agree with Dinnae. NO point discussing your discovery.

These things really annoy me. Get out while you can.

A close family member of mine got married and had dcs with a man who she thought was straight. He came out 20 years later and it destroyed her.

Every was saying his brave he was to come out it I think he's an arsehole to lie to her and string her along for all those years.

Walk away for your own sanity.

So many spelling mistakes! Sorry.

What possible explanation could he give for having gay porn and explicit 'gay' photos of himself, other than he's gay?

If you did ask him, is there anything he could say that would reassure you and that you'd be happy with?

No.

He's gay. Just dump him.

Surely he may be bisexual, not necessarily gay. The problem is you've found porn on his phone, if this is an issue for you and he knows it, then LTB. If you haven't been with him long enough to discuss porn or sexual orientation, then maybe it's about time you did and make sure you're using protection anyway, whether he's experimented with men or not!

Boys can be gay before they reach adulthood and become men. Let's not jump to conclusions about what bitter meant.

He might be bisexual and indulging his other side with the porn?

He might be bi, but he should be honest about it if that's the case.

The subterfuge inclines me to think he may be gay and in denial rather than bi.

Oh, for goodness sake. The age of consent in this country is 16. I would call a young male of 16 years of age a "boy", you might prefer to refer to them as young men or anything else you like. Come to that, at my great age a young male of 25 would appear to me to be a boy as well. No accusations of paedophilia were intended.

Why is everyone jumping on bitter?

Sometimes it's hard to get your point across on here. Stop jumping on her back FFs.