Question: I have become suspicious that DH may have visited a prostitute but have no proof and am now wondering if I'm just being paranoid?
Background
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Family life: Have been married to DH for almost 5 years and have a DS who is nearly 4 years old. Very happy family life and we all get along very well with each other and our extended families.
Communication: DH and I are able to talk about everything. I don't even mind him watching porn and have watched the more sensual material with him. I think I'm very liberal and when he's away on extended trips I am fine with him self-pleasuring (sorry if that's too explicit?).
Sex life: Very good though maybe not as active or adventuress as it once was but I think that's normal as time goes on. We have very compatible sex drives and are well suited.
DH was away at a conference (does this often as he's an academic) and phoned me quite excitedly to tell me that a woman had tried to flirt with him at the hotel bar. His ego was inflated and we both had a little laugh about his attractiveness (all good natured).
Then about an hour later he phoned me up to say his colleague had told him that the woman flirting with him was actually a prostitute. He sounded both embarrassed and proud at the same time in the sense that he must look like he has a lot of money. Anyway, we both had a laugh about it.
Fast forward a few weeks and I'm on his laptop to quickly check my email but when I open it, it opens to the last page he browsed, which was a pornographic video called "Tonight's Girlfriend" which is about about a prostitute visiting a man in his hotel room.
I asked him about it and he said that ever since he'd met a real life one he'd started looking a videos for that sort of scenario. He was very open about it. We then, very casually, started talking about fantasies, and he asked me if one time I'd be wiling to role-play a prostitute for him.
Before his encounter at the hotel, I would've thought nothing of it and done it but now it's like he wants me to be the woman he met? I asked if he had ever visited a prostitute and he said that he had not but that when we was single he had thought about it. He has worked on a national sex project and says that he is referring only to those who consent, not the ones who are forced against their will to do it.
He then tells me that he has friends who've visited prostitutes but he wouldn't say who claiming that was not his secret to reveal. I asked if they were married friends and he said some were. I was a bit shocked because I know all his friends and all of them are good guys as far as I can tell.
And now I'm thinking that if he has friends who have visited prositiutes, and he's watching porn about it, and fantasing about it, does that mean that he has in the past, or wants to in the future, visit them?
I've put all this to him and he says I'm being paranoid and that if he was going to cheat he wouldn't be so open about it now would he? He has said that as it's worrying me that he wouldn't ask me to do the role-play and that he'd do his best to stop looking at that type of porn too but would let me know if he did.
He has twice told me that he has looked at that porn since but that he is trying to stop. He says he has no wish to ever cheat on me.
Sorry that this post is so long, I just wish I could stop thinking about this... maybe if he was being secretive I would feel less guilty about my suspicions but he's just so open about everything with me, it makes me feel silly.