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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Thank fuck he's gone. Happy valentine's to the newly single.

35 replies

divorcedtobe · 14/02/2014 20:23

I am freeeeeee!!!
People who have been betrayed, left, mistreated, you think you miss the lying piece of shit you lived with but you don't. You miss a life you thought you had and a future you'd planned to have. Nasty people are not worth missing. I hope soon you wipe away the tears and make it up off the floor and soar into the future you get to create. We nice honest decent people must not let those fuckers steal any more of our greatness or even a second of our time on this earth. I've had an appalling marriage but I'm going to have an awesome life.

I posted this on another forum but owe Mumsnet a great deal for getting me up off the floor over Christmas when stbx twat husband left and so am reposting here as a bit of encouragement and to give a teeny tiny bit back to the Mumsnet family:

I’m off to a party tonight. This valentine’s is a celebration of me loving me.
This weekend you do something. Get out and DO something! Fuck last year. The time is now!!!! We get to create our own valentine’s traditions and have fun. Do not lament the past. Relish a future of self love. That is what valentine’s day will be for me now. Don’t buy into that whole couples, flowers, dinner, blah blah. Make it yours. Turn this commercial money making day into a thing of Love. Love you. Take you out. Love this new thing we are in. And one day when we are ready, we might even let a special someone into our valentine’s day lovefest. And that, will be a beautiful thing.

Love and hugs to all. x

OP posts:
Handywoman · 14/02/2014 20:26

That brought an Actual Tear to my eye. It's EXACTLY how I feel too (called time on it last summer). Hooray for us Wine

TinselTownley · 14/02/2014 20:29

Good, isn't it? I was dreading today and it's been lovely. Just me and the two people I love most in the world. No fakery, no lies, no egg-shell walking and not even a vague pining for the waste of space I thought I couldn't live without.

I can and it is real living with love and joy and cuddles and kisses that actually mean something!

walkingthedogs · 14/02/2014 20:34

Thankyou divorcedtobe, you have just brought me out of a low point with a smile and a grin

Original poster
divorcedtobe · 14/02/2014 20:36

Handywoman, here's to us Wine. Tonight as I shake a leg I'll be imagining you there with me!
I'll be checking back in tomorrow. Off to get glad rags on and find mystical brolly that will protect me as I venture out into the Armageddon like storm raging outside!
Love to all xx

OP posts:
bouncyagain · 14/02/2014 20:37

X

Handywoman · 14/02/2014 20:38

Hope you have a ball Smile

mammadiggingdeep · 14/02/2014 20:39

Divorcedtobe.....I TOLD you you'd be ok...

Omg....you're amazing love!!!!!!!! Amazing!!!!!!

Such a great update :)

Have the best night and shake a leg for me :)

X

mellojello · 14/02/2014 20:39

I hear ya x

ShyGirlie · 14/02/2014 20:40

Got dumped over the phone this morning. lovely. Sad

KurriKurri · 14/02/2014 20:41

I completely agree - my STBXH fucked off with a Romanian tart in October. At first I thought I'd never pick myself up and get on with my life, but now I feel stronger every day. I got through Christmas and enjoyed myself, and I felt no pangs of regret at all today, - if I want chocolates and flowers,I buy them for myself, I'm not reliant on another person to make me feel special and loved, I value myself - something I never managed to do when he was around because he always put me down.

So Wine and Flowers to all the newly single - have a great, bastard-free rest of your lives Smile

mineofuselessinformation · 14/02/2014 20:44

I hope that I am only one of the many women out there who have decided that this year is OUR year - and good luck to us all!

Original poster
divorcedtobe · 14/02/2014 20:45

Tinseltownly Walkingthedogs
We are real and that is why we will be awesome. Because we feel real love and loving people will gravitate towards us.
So glad I've made someone smile. Because really now that the shitface twats have gone we have good reason to beam from ear to ear.
Aggghhh!!! Got to go!
xx

OP posts:
redundantandbitter · 14/02/2014 20:52

shygirlie oh you poor love. Hug

I kept busy. Visited a foodbank (research)and set about organising a collection at work . Visited a poorly friend and booked tickets for a summer festival for me and the DDs ! Not bothered about that twat.

On my 3rd creme egg. Mmmmmm

jacky1234 · 14/02/2014 20:56

after 6 weeks not talking to me. saying hes is depressed and unhappy. He is fed up of sorting out rows between teenagers. He wants a divorce. he will not discuss options alternatives because he cant stand my lectures. I feel like a wreck.what do i do? HELP!

superstarheartbreaker · 15/02/2014 02:58

I'd show him the door and grieve Jacky. Hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
divorcedtobe · 15/02/2014 03:51

FUCK HIM Jackie. Fuck him and his unhappiness. What the fuck about YOUR unhappiness while he ums and ers. It's all me me me with these people Jackie. You need a bit of me love too and if he can't grow up and discuss/help then what is he doing? Being a bloody toddler that's what. Having a tantrum and throwing in the towel with the dreaded divorce request. Take your time but ask yourself: what about me? Only you can look after you if he is not. Love and commitment and a desire to work together should be reciprocal. His happiness does not trump yours. Tell him to go and be unhappy and depressed someplace else. You are not his mother or therapist. He wants you to feel sorry for him rescue him but he is a MAN and it is not your responsibility to chase after his commitment. He either gives it or he goes. Take the reins Jackie even if it means letting go. If he loves and respects you he will do his best to work with you to fix things and make YOU happy. Look after yourself.

OP posts:
micshi · 15/02/2014 06:18

I love this thread, made me feel loads better! Thanks xx

RollerCola · 15/02/2014 06:51

That's the best post I've read all week Grin Thank you!

I'm a completely different person since my breakup last summer. I had a great valentines too, just me & the kids, a normal Friday night of fun. And life really is fun again now. The less I think about stbexh the better I feel!

It's still hard because he's miserable and wants me to know it, but I'm working on the 'do I look like I give a shit?' attitude and it works wonders.

I'm off to a party tonight too, can't wait. My social life has reached new heights & I'm having a ball. I have a group of new friends and have met a cool new man who really likes me! He's given me the biggest ego boost and has made life great again.

Don't look back guys Grin

Fifyfomum · 15/02/2014 07:17

Took my wedding ring off last night. Just battling through the crap now and worrying about how the kids will take it.

angel1976 · 15/02/2014 08:06

Well done divorcedtobe! Love your attitude! My STBXH left last April and now shacked up with the person he left me for. I was bereft for 6 months... I went home last summer to see my family (they live far away and it was awful not having their support when it all kicked off...). Came back with a new attitude as knowing people who really love me are the only ones who deserve my time and effort and decided then not to waste any more emotional energy on my ex.

Met someone unexpectedly who is completely besotted with me... He got the most beautiful bunch of roses delivered to me yesterday, cooked dinner last night for me and gave me a beautiful necklace. My ex never did anything for V-Day. Actually he was a lazy sod who in the last few years stopped cooking for me, left me to do all the chores and only bought me gifts when I asked for them for birthday or Xmas. Just a complete disregard for me really...

I hope my current DH and I last but if we don't, I know what's it like now to be adored and treated right instead if being treated like a skivvy the way my ex did. And I know I will be okay with just me and my two lovely DSs. Life is good and while not turned out quite what I expected, I can see it could be a much richer life too. And ex looked right miserable last night when he picked the DCs up too! Grin

louby44 · 15/02/2014 08:17

Love this - thank you for posting.

Me and my 2 DS lived with a man (for nearly 6 yrs) who ignored them (and me sometimes). He never got my boys and only half heartedly tried. I loved him but he didn't love me enough, my kids were an inconvenience to him....

I walked on eggshells for a long time, apologised for my kids being kids, made excuses for them everyday - NO MORE

I ended it at the beginning of December and he finally moved out last week, shacked up with a woman he's known for 5 weeks.

Says it all really. He has NO ONE in his life, few friends, family that don't bother with him. He needs a woman in his life or he can't function, well she is welcome to him.

Spent Valentines Day with my 2 boys and their dad (who is still a good friend) we had a nice meal and a lovely evening together.

PPaka · 15/02/2014 08:31

I'm just so thankful I didn't have to wander around trying to find a card that I didn't mean, like I have for years

Rightallalong · 15/02/2014 08:36

Love this. Love it. Thank you OP

Grin
Allofaflumble · 15/02/2014 08:50

Congratulations to you! Now you can rely on your bestest friend - YOU.!!!!!! Give yourself a bighug and a smile. :) :) :) - the last smile is from me x x

MsAspreyDiamonds · 15/02/2014 09:22

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1995555-I-did-this-before-but-lets-do-it-again-today

an inspiring thread for the newly free

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