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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Stringfellows lapdance - what happens?

93 replies

Hedgehead · 04/02/2014 21:51

My DH and I are good friends with my friend and her DH. Our DHs are going on a 'stag do' for another of their friends and this guy is a 'regular' at Stringfellows in Covent Garden, and he wants to take all the DHs there.

I am against strip clubs and do not want my DH to go, so is my friend and does not want her DH to go. My DH is saying he wants to go to be with the other men but will not get a lapdance and that he thinks it's all a bit cheesy/weird. My friend's DH is telling her things like "the dances are not naked" and they "don't even touch you/come near you, just dance in front of you."

Has anyone had the non privilege of seeing one of these dances? Are they actually erotic?

OP posts:

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Logg1e · 08/02/2014 12:14

Worry, I would be concerned about the group.

Really? Isn't that your husband's concern? I wouldn't want to even begin to police my partner's friendship choice.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 08/02/2014 13:28

Logg1e, it isnt a case of policing it is simply something DH & I would talk about. Because we do that, we talk to each other.

We are probably a lot older than the OP. I doubt my DH would be invited on a stag do. However he is a bit of a 'Dad' figure at work and I know that he does chat with some of the younger lads. This is the kind of advice he would give if asked.

EBearhug · 08/02/2014 13:41

I remember a male colleague described a night out at a strip club as "watching a mangy cat drag its arse across the floor." Nice.

I do think your husband should make his own mind up, though, rather than making it your responsibility.

ManofMystery · 08/02/2014 13:49

I don't like strip clubs for many of the reasons already said. The girls fake interest and are just in it to take you to the back and charge you 20 quid for a 'dance'. This will only be for the duration of a song ie approx 3 minutes.

What do you get? Well a girl will start in her underwear and strip naked. You have to sit on your hands while they flash their breasts and maybe other bits in your face. Song ends, underwear goes back on very quickly and its game over. I find it all a bit pathetic to be honest but I guess some guys must get turned on by it.

No doubt the girls are attractive, however all a but too OTT for my tastes. What I can say though is that he won't be pulling any of them so not to worry!

Logg1e · 08/02/2014 14:09

Worry, ...it isnt a case of policing it is simply something DH & I would talk about. Because we do that, we talk to each

I'm not sure how I'd react if my partner said, "I'm concerned about you going out with your group of friends".

Darkesteyes · 08/02/2014 15:03

Worry if someone committed a murder after being egged on to do it, who would be doing time? The person who did it or the ppl who he would say egged him on.

Its a poor excuse.

WorrySighWorrySigh · 08/02/2014 19:53

I do wonder if the OP's DH would in fact be very happy to be able to say to the group that he would love to come but his wife wouldnt like it. An excus

I had very deliberately not said group of friends but group. DH & I were talking about this, about how stag parties do seem to encourage extras to latch onto the group: somebody's mate/brother/cousin who tags on for the chance to misbehave.

It isnt an excuse just that the group mentality can lead the group down some darker alleys (possibly literally) than they would have chosen to go individually. The 'good guys' in a group can feel obliged to keep the group together to try to stop them getting into too much trouble especially if the group is away from home.

Logg1e · 08/02/2014 20:08

It's all getting a bit tenuous.

MostWicked · 08/02/2014 20:15

I can't imagine being married to a man who I felt I had to tell whether he could go to something like this. My DH is more than capable of deciding for himself if this so something he wants to do and is appropriate. I trust him to make decisions like that. If he had to say to his mates - my wife said I can't go - he would look like a complete lemon.
Let him decide for himself.

littleblackno · 08/02/2014 20:23

CuChullain has it pretty much spot on! I used to work in a stip club several years ago.
there are girls who offer more and guys who ask but most don't. Most guys do respect the no touching rule.
I know it's not pc but I had great fun working was a lapdancer, I exploited lots of money out of men and occasionally met some really interesting people!
wouldn't bother me if my dh went to one on a stag night.

Mapleissweet · 08/02/2014 20:28

Yes but why would it not bother you if your dh paid a young girl to gyrate her shaved vagina in his face? Then afterwards he comes home and jumps into bed with you as if it's totally normal. Genuinely .

littleblackno · 08/02/2014 21:03

Those girls are not forced to be there, they are doing a job- some people may question the morals but essentially these girls pay tax (or should be declaring their income) etc and are there to pay their bills, pay for uni, feed their kids etc
I wouldn't want dh to jump on me (mainly coz he's now exh) but he wouldn't have after he'd been out anyway.
The clubs I worked in we had couples come in together sometimes.
I don't understand what is erotic about it and would be worried if a man I was with was going there regularly or using it instead of a relationship like some guys use porn but that's a totally different discussion to the one going on here.
For me it's about trust and respect t in a relationship, if this is something you feel strongly about then he should respect that but equally I think he's an adult you can't police him, but it should be something you discuss and come to an agreement together.

LilQueenie · 08/02/2014 23:46

in a recent glamour magazine poll it stated the higher percentage of men found stip clubs to be sleazy and NOT a place they wanted to go. Maybe he is going along with it purely because he wont stand up and say he feels different to the other 2 ? And yes some girls do offer more. Even the nicest of guys will take them up although not full sex they will go do other stuff.

Darkesteyes · 09/02/2014 00:02

Then they are not the "nicest of guys"

LilQueenie · 09/02/2014 00:06

Not in all cases

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 09/02/2014 00:23

It will be an expensive and unsatisfactory evening anyway.
But Stringfellows is strict about no touching.

AnyFucker · 09/02/2014 13:28

Lots more "satisfactory" if touching is involved, eh ?

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 09/02/2014 19:56

Not sure what the is about.
It will be expensive and unsatisfactory as far as evenings out go: that is a given, because of how strip clubs operate.
The intention is to part the punter from as much money as possible whilst leaving him unsatisfied. High end or low rent strip place, it's the same. It's a hustle, degrading for everyone - punters included.

However the Op wanted to know what happens at Stringfellows specifically and Stringfellows is one of the strictest 'no touching no extras' clubs. That may be a comfort to her, I don't know.

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