Stringfellows lapdance - what happens?

[Hedgehead]

My DH and I are good friends with my friend and her DH. Our DHs are going on a 'stag do' for another of their friends and this guy is a 'regular' at Stringfellows in Covent Garden, and he wants to take all the DHs there.

I am against strip clubs and do not want my DH to go, so is my friend and does not want her DH to go. My DH is saying he wants to go to be with the other men but will not get a lapdance and that he thinks it's all a bit cheesy/weird. My friend's DH is telling her things like "the dances are not naked" and they "don't even touch you/come near you, just dance in front of you."

Has anyone had the non privilege of seeing one of these dances? Are they actually erotic?

I was there a few days ago for the first time in years. It was rather quiet, the strippers looked bored out of their minds, the male customers were unattractive and (IMO) sloppily dressed. You usually only get a table if you purchase over-priced champagne, but they waive this rule on quiet nights. They parade the strippers on the stage (usually 2-3 at a time, the DJ calling out their names) who perform a strip show - it's their way of advertising them. After they are finished, they leave the stage and get dressed in front of you and proceed to skulk the room, looking for customers to chat to and buy drinks whilst trying to convince those same customers to buy a private dance with them.

The person I had accompanied bought me a private dance but, despite this one woman being absolutely beautiful and very sweet (and smelt amazing!), I failed to get turned on. They don't touch you (and you are not allowed to touch them), but they do strip completely naked and get very, very close - you can pretty much see everything.

Boob-jobs aside (which I personally dislike the look/feel of), a lot of the women have amazing bodies, but (bar the woman who gave me a dance) I just did not find them that attractive - more to do with the artificial setting, I think, than their looks. A couple of them were also amazing pole-dancers but, to be honest, I was more impressed by their skill and obvious athleticism/body strength as opposed to their state of un/dress. As for not being tattooed, that's not true - quite a few of them have tattoos (the woman who gave me a dance had a small pretty swirly one to the side of her pubis, another woman had quite an extensive one on her back (angel wings) which I thought made for beautiful body art).

Stringfellows is a clean club and, officially, no 'extras' are given - whilst you are in the club. Whilst I was waiting to leave, one of the girls took a punter outside in the pouring rain and returned a few minutes later looking a touch more disheveled whilst the punter (very unattractive, with the hairiest back I had ever seen - yes, it poked through the collar of his tshirt!) looked a bit too pleased with himself. It made my skin crawl.

I went in a bid to be my previous young, "cool" self, but it just made me feel grubby. I won't be going back, and the experience has made me realise that I would have very little respect for a man who willingly went there, even/especially at the supposed behest of friends.

"I think its hilarious the amout of wives on this thread thinking their husbands actually came home early as everyone else was going to a strip club......."

While it is a popular school of thought in some quarters on here that every single man is incapable of saying no to his peers with regards to going to a lap dancing club you will be surprised as to how many blokes do just that.

Without going into the whole exploitation/trafficking/objectification/criminal issues many men just find ‘gentleman’s’ clubs tediously boring, expensive and a bit sad. I can see how younger guys can succumb to group pressure to enter such establishments but usually we all grow out of that and start to make decisions on our own, men can do that sometimes. Additionally, it is not just the married or attached guys who wish to avoid these places, many singletons do as well. I remember plenty of times when I was unattached and some fool on a night out would suggest going to Peppermint Hippo or whatever the fuck they are called and I would be thinking “why would you want to go to a place where you pay for women to be interested in you?”. I would rather chat/flirt to the women in the bar/club/pub, at least they are talking to you because they find your company vaguely funny or interesting, and there was even the outside chance that you could swap numbers and see each other again. That was a much more alluring that having some disinterested plastic orange thing demand £20 off you for 10 mins of her time.

Slight diversion but this objectification of women is what I really hate about strip clubs. It reduces the women to body parts which are either attractive or not, which either turn you on or don't. It's utterly inhuman, reminds me of people selecting a sex toy or a sandwich, and I find it hard to see how people can think it doesn't contribute to abuse of women and girls both inside and outside the clubs.

Or you could prance about in your period pants for him yourself, possibly flossing your teeth at the same time. Tell him it's erotic and a bargain at £40.

I agree Offred.

When it comes to finding things erotic, there are few things I find less attractive than the kind of tacky arsehole who thinks going to places like this to buy women's attention and nudity is a fun thing to do.

"I think its hilarious the amout of wives on this thread thinking their husbands actually came home early as everyone else was going to a strip club......."

Actually I have met a lot of men who really are not interested in going to strip clubs etc. Many years ago, when I had a decent job and wasn't at home with kids working in a less decent job!, corporate entertainment would sometimes include strip clubs. Many of the chaps would leave after the meal and a few drinks, before the club, as they simply didn't want to go. I remember vividly a couple of them explaining that the only person they are interested in seeing strip is their wife. Another felt it would be odd considering he had a teenage daughter at home who wouldn't be far off the age of the strippers.Of course many men and women do enjoy it but I think it is naive to believe that all men want to go to stip clubs, look at porn etc. I know a lot do, but a lot don't too.

My partner turned down the thrilling option to go on to a lapdance club after a stag night a while back - I know, because he came home. He is quite keen on naked women, but sort of prefers ones who choose to get naked in his company, not because it is a commercial transaction.

There's always one knobber who wants to play the " naive little deluded women" card - WHY?

Is it because it's a line you use with your own wife, so you think every other man is a liar too?

Is the fact that there are actually men with a working moral compass a little uncomfortable for you, so you have to ridicule and belittle?

My dh has come home twice actually, I know because he actually shares a house and bed with me and we do that thing, you know that talking thing!
Not deluded no, not at all.

If there genuinely is no shame involved in visiting such places - why would they need to protect privacy by making sure all transactions take place under a registered address rather than the name the place trades as. In my experience what's worse than knowing is not knowing. In fact if anyone who works in or visits strip clubs could tell me what Lotus Bars Ltd London trades as I might be more at ease (but probably not!)

I've worked stringfellows. It is a clean club. I don't like people calling women naive for thinking their partners/husbands don't like stripclubs, I know plenty of men who don't like stripclubs!

What this comes down to is: Does your husband want to go to a sex club?
If he doesn't, does he have the gumption to say 'Not for me thanks'?

If he does want to go, ask him to explain why and then make your decision accordingly.

Like others, my husband decided years ago that these places were pits of misogyny so he's always declined. Probably helps that he's old enough to remember when the only blokes who went to them were regarded as saddo losers and to be honest he hasn't really changed his opinion on that . He's also pretty contemptuous of adults who succumb to peer pressure.

See this is where feminism fights for men as well as women.

It does not assume that all men are apes who can't say no to a sleazy dance that degrades women. It assumes that men who like this sort of thing have no respect for women and not merely because they're men, but because they're assholes.

Not all men get turned on by the degradation of women

My dh has a daughter

Enough said

TBF I think part of the 'appeal' of these clubs is that you know they are not genuinely interested and it is above board, whereas chatting someone up in a bar where they are genuinely keen then has to lead to some real situtation/commitment oh actually she has a boyfriend/husband but is playing away or just testing the water, oh what if she finds out I am not in her pay grade and so on, all quite normal but in a strip club there is no false come-on in that sense and no need for 'follow through' - oh, I will take his/her number and mean it but after a few days change my mind and not bother.

Not that I am really advocating these clubs, just looking at it another way. Agree that oddly they are just not a turn on - 9/10 of sex is the intent funnily enough, not just aesthetics.

As a dude, have to say, can't stand strip clubs. Just feel embarrassed. Have been literally duped into going into one by two mates! It looked like a pub, they told me it was a pub, we went in...it was not a pub I just wanted a drink with me mates!!? The world cup was on a big screen, I recall. Brazil were playing. They weren't interested in watching it!!? BRAZIL WERE PLAYING..

Surely there must be some form of turn on or sex appeal for the men/women who go to the clubs or why would there be so many strip clubs, lap dancing clubs etc around?. And why would so many men and women attend them regularly?. Why not just go down the local instead???

Would your husband mind you going to see/participate in the Dream Boys or something similar, op?

My DH wouldn't bat an eyelid tbh.

Why is it different?

Sorry posted too soon, not being goady, but why is it different?

I would have thought, like so many things, it comes down to the bigger picture. Get 50 per cent or near enough women MPs in Parliament and this kind of thing matters less to them I'd wager, but without that and this is just another gripe, a bit of an irritation that gets magnified , another insult, which is fair enough as a view imo.

Also, women are more focussed on their looks than blokes realise, so to have some guy letch over a 'perfect figure' can act as a trigger. Instead, imagine women learing over guys with more money than them, full head of hair and other such things like better punchlines and they might empathise, but not with women letching over a lean vapid moron with pecks probably.

ProfessorDent - very true actually. My dh wouldn't mind me going to the Dreamboys but then as far as I am aware that is a stageshow. Lapdancing, strip clubs involve the women getting a lot more up close and personal.

However, my dh would get a real complex if I started letching over men with a full head of hair, more money, better job etc. That would hurt him no end and really dent his confidence. You are spot on that that is the equivalent for a lot of women who worry about their imperfect bodies and hence their husbands letching after a beautiful naked girl in a strip club dents their confidence.

It doesn't dent my confidence in the slightest.

No it doesn't dent mine either.

What that point expresses is the wider issue that those clubs promote and perpetuate the valuing of women based on how they look (objectification). When you reduce a person to body parts this almost inevitably leads to abuse IMHO.

It is undoubtedly true that women feel pressure over their looks because we still live in a society where women are reduced to body parts who must compete for financial security from a man. Strip clubs really obviously demonstrate that more than any other thing I think. I'm not sure they're about sex as much as they are about power.

If my partner wanted to go or was casual about going to a strip club it would dent my confidence in them/the relationship because I'd feel I was in a relationship with someone who either thought of women as objects valued based on how they looked or was casual about that attitude towards women.