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Original poster

Would this annoy you too? Or am I being oversensitive? Chatting to a man

67 replies

currentlyconfuseddotcom · 01/05/2013 16:46

So I was talking to someone recently, educated, chatty, seemed quite nice and not bigoted, we swapped numbers but after that he commented on my figure, he said that he liked slender women and most of the women in the area were larger.

It's totally put me off him. I know we all have preferences but I didn't like him commenting on my body, even in a positive way. Am I just being ultra touchy? I recently got out of a bad relationship so my antennae are out of whack and possibly doing overtime.

OP posts:
orangeandemons · 01/05/2013 16:49

Ugh creepy....

McBalls · 01/05/2013 16:54

No, I think you're right. Not that there is any right or wrong when it comes to whether you feel positively or negatively about a person.

Not the same thing but I collected some shoes after a repair yesterday and the man who served me, after an 'afternoon darling' said to his colleague so that I could hear 'ah this will be the gorgeous lady with the gorgeous feet' Hmm I felt ridiculously self-conscious and imagine they probably sniggered about me once I'd left. It's horrible.

I never understand how some men believe that an inappropriate 'compliment' is any better than an insult. Because what they are saying really is "I'm a man, you're a woman and I will judge you, this time you got a compliment but next time..."

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/05/2013 16:56

Not ultra touchy. He has hidden shallows.....

Original poster
currentlyconfuseddotcom · 01/05/2013 16:57

McBalls, actually I think that comment was quite cute! But of course not if it made you feel self conscious. Did it conjure up images of foot perverts?!

Thanks Oranges, not just me then; he was a little pissed but it made me feel uncomfortable and I thought it was a bit rude.

OP posts:
MrsWolowitz · 01/05/2013 16:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
currentlyconfuseddotcom · 01/05/2013 16:58

He commented on my tights as well. He said he liked my tights. No man comments on tights, surely...?

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/05/2013 17:00

Only gay men and trannies...

MrsWolowitz · 01/05/2013 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McBalls · 01/05/2013 17:02

Currently - it probably does sound cute written down and I'm honestly not a huffy person looking to take offence all the time - I wouldn't even have minded that he called me darling - but it felt like a piss-take. It felt unbalanced because he was talking about me with his mate...it's impossible not to feel self conscious.
Maybe it's a balancing act and all he's guilty of is being a bit ott? But I don't normally feel I'm being used as a prop for blokey banter when im complimented but I did yesterday.

Lweji · 01/05/2013 17:03

Maybe he wanted to take them off... Wink

Original poster
currentlyconfuseddotcom · 01/05/2013 17:05

Lweji, you have just given me the heebie jeebies.

Aww McBalls, the man liked your feet! I wouldn't mind if someone liked my feet looks around for foot admirers

OP posts:
Sneezingwakesthebaby · 01/05/2013 17:05

I'm the same. I think for me its that after chatting and thinking you were both connecting mentally, there's a feeling that he was just saying what you wanted to hear to get you sweet enough to talk about bodies and then eventually sex. That's just my experience with online dating though haha.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/05/2013 17:10

Back to the original comment.... I do worry about anyone that bad mouths others. Exes, family, friends, 'other women in the area' Hmm. Compliments are great but a reasonable person should be able to give them without having to do someone else down in the process.

Bottom line is that, if you get a bad feeling about someone, however irrational it seems to be, move swiftly along. I once passed up a second date with a man that rearranged the items on a table a bit too carefully.

CajaDeLaMemoria · 01/05/2013 17:12

If someone told me they liked my feet, I'd have to run away from them. Or throw up over them.

Eurgh, feet.

Original poster
currentlyconfuseddotcom · 01/05/2013 17:16

Caja, weirdly enough I wouldn't mind foot compliments, I'd probably wave them around and say 'yes, aren't they lovely!' I'd draw the line at having my toes sucked however.

But I did find it odd that he did a 'comparing' thing with other women, it wasn't necessary and it wasn't a compliment. And I had some violence against me last year so I am ultra touchy about anyone invading my space, so to speak. Shame...he seemed nice previously!

OP posts:
Scarletohello · 01/05/2013 17:16

I had a date once with a guy who I thought was nice, intelligent, educated, his mum was a psychotherapist. We had a nice evening, bit of a snog, he asked to come home with me, I said no. On the way back to the tube station he asked me what bra size I was. ( I'm a 34g). On the phone the next week I said I hadn't liked him asking ne that, and he said, well you shouldn't show them off then!! If I wear baggy clothes I look pregnant so wear clothes that are fitted not tight. Can't win! Felt so disappointed tho as I thought he was better than that. Are they all the same that they feel entitled to comment on your body shape and what clothes you wear? Needless to say never saw him again...

AnyFucker · 01/05/2013 17:17

What did he mean "women in the area"

What "area" ?

Those in the immediate vicinity ie. stood near you ? Those living on his street, in his town ? Does he live in a strange town populated by Jeremy Kyle show participants ?

What has he against all these "larger" women getting in his face all the time ?

I wouldn't like the sound of him.

Original poster
currentlyconfuseddotcom · 01/05/2013 17:20

AnyFarker, actually that did really put me off him. He meant local women and oy, we don't live in a strange town huffs

Well at least no stranger than some!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 01/05/2013 17:23

It is creepy isn't it? 'You are acceptable to me... unlike the inferior females I have previously encountered that do not meet my precise specifications'....

AnyFucker · 01/05/2013 17:24
Grin
expatinscotland · 01/05/2013 17:25

Creepy. Delete.

Original poster
currentlyconfuseddotcom · 01/05/2013 17:27

Thank you collective wisdom, I have now deleted him.

Here endeth the lesson.

OP posts:
bobbywash · 01/05/2013 17:27

well that sums up the differences,

bloke - end of the evening, slightly pissed, she's nice I'll pay her a compliment by saying she's better than average, don't want to overdo it and make it seem like I'm coming on too strongly or being lecherous... and there we go, I think I got away with it, not too forward but just pleasant.

OP - Oh god how creepy, alarm bells what an odd bloke.

If you like him enough to see him again, do so, tell him you didn't like the comment, (he'll have thought nothing more of it) if he does it again then fair enough, don't take it further.

StuffezLaYoni · 01/05/2013 17:27

How did he phrase it? Did he actually say most of the ladies are larger? Or was it... Less delicately phrased? I too would feel a bit wary of someone who criticised whole groups of people like that.

Original poster
currentlyconfuseddotcom · 01/05/2013 17:34

Stuffez, it was at a do and I went out into the garden and met him, after we'd swapped numbers he then said that he liked my figure as I was slender and that that wasn't like most of the women in the area where we live, he did sneer a bit.

It didn't really sink in til the next morning when I thought 'what? What are you on about?'

OP posts: