Officially Divorced as of Today! Couldn't be happier

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

I've just had confirmation that the divorce has been finalised :)

Haven't been on mumsnet for quite a while, but I just wanted to say an enormous THANK YOU to everyone who ever posted on any of my threads about my EA, 'depressed', officially XH.

I couldn't have done it without you. You stopped me from breaking so many times.

Now I'm incredibly happy. New bloke, new area, new job, new life.

If I'd known this was what life should be I would never have put up with it for so long.

So, thank you MN, you're all amazing

X

[LemonDrizzled]

for you Youknow
I used to post as LittleHouse and I remember well your troubles. I too am waiting for the Absolute as the Nisi arrived last week.
Life is fun, relaxed and happy and my DC are all thriving. I have a lovely DP who does those little thoughtful things that those of us who put up with selfish husbands will never take for granted! No going back ever!!
I know now how I should be treated and how to treat him too.
for all of us!

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Smiley, isn't it odd? I still think XH expects me to call him in tears one day and beg him to take me back.

He knows I have a lovely dp now, but he still had the gaul to say "I really hope you'll be happy one day". I'm really happy NOW!

Tired there is more hope than I can say. After a year away from him I couldn't see why I had stayed for so long. The good bits were so few and far between, and the lies and hurt seemed to go on forever.

I still remember him saying on the day I moved out "you need to be absolutely sure about this,crunch, I still think it could work, if you go now there's no going back but I'll always love you." I could not have been more positive. It took a while to get myself together properly, but even then, I only had to deal with my own emotions and not carry his too.

There was one awful night where I agreed to go for a drink to discuss things and he got hammered (in about five minutes) and suggested we keep sleeping together. Considering rape and sexual assault had featured in our marriage, even I was astounded at how deluded one man could be. I told him in no uncertain terms that I would never ever consider that. Vile man.

Lemon, well remembered it was a while ago now. I think we certainly all deserve and

[Lueji]

I really hope you'll be happy one day

I think he was projecting. As most of them do.

I have had similar deluded behaviour from ex (also exH as from Monday :) ).

Even last week, it was "I hate you because I love you so much"

Particularly because he found out that I have someone else in my life too. It really brought the love back. Sigh.

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Hurray for STBXHs becoming XHs

The only thing he ever said that hurt and stuck with me for quite a while, but with the help and reassurance of family and dp now seems ridiculous was his parting shot of, "you'll never be happy because you're intrinsically fucked up"

Bastard.

Turns out it's really easy to be happy without him. Coincidence?

[trustissues75]

Go to the BIG APPLE, treat yourself to breakfast at Tiffany's; Ice Skating at the Rockerfella Centre; then dinner and a Broadway Show!!

Hire a very good photographer who specialises in Boudoir photography and celebrate just how gorgeous and sexy you are!

Do something that has always scared you and you thought you'd never do.

Start a FREEDOM journal

Take one picture a day and blog it for a year and then look back at it all in a years time and see how happy you are.

[trustissues75]

Take a flying lesson - translate your freedom to the skies for a few sessions.

Start a happiness jar - every day write one new thing down that made you smile - put them in the jar and read them later in the year.

[trustissues75]

TIREDOFWAITING - trash the dress sessions are great! It's really popular in the states and photographers make some of their living out of it! :)

[Sidge]

trustissues those are great suggestions!

I've just spent this morning reading my draft divorce petition and filling in the contact for children arrangement so am feeling pretty shit and they made me laugh

I'm thinking of getting a tattoo (very small and discreet on my bum!) when my divorce comes through, will now add trashing my wedding dress and a boudoir photo session to my To Do list!

[AnyFucker]

Crunchy ! Yayyy !

Congratulations

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Trust those are awesome. If you think of any more please stick them on here. As an aside I keep reading your name as truss tissues. Which probably says more about me than about you

AF!!! Thank you! And yes you were right, you were right, you were very, very right. All those times I gave it one more try and you said I was mad, you were right I am a daft fool for thinking that I had to prove I was hurt to get him to stop hurting me: it turns out that you don't have to prove your right to be happy, and people who know they're hurting someone and carry on are bastards. Who knew? Well, you obviously. And now me too.

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Sidge, it'll all be worth it once you're free. Promise.

[Sidge]

I'm sure it will be Youknow, I want to be unmarried but really resent the fact I have to spend so much time and money for something I never wanted because of that fucker!

In my head I'm not married any more so am keen to complete the process; despite it being what I want it's messy, painful and sad. I'm NEVER doing this again!!

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

It's great once it's over. But sucks until then.

You will get through it, and then that fucker will be an ex-fucker.

[MerlotAndMe]

congratulations!!

[MerlotAndMe]

x fucker, and xfucker mil too!

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Thanks merlot!

Ah yes, don't forget ex-fucker mil.

[smileyforest]

Wedding dress...I took to Oxfam....photos i trashed.......

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Ah yes, I'd forgotten the photo album. What should I do with that. Ds1 was there so I don't want to get rid of those, but I don't want the wedding pictures of the two of us.

[wonderingsoul]

HUGE CONGRATULATIONS.

I have been fighting almost 4 years to get my divorce after splitting from ea somes times phydically abusive ex, he wouldnt sign papers, i had to try and get prove of him refusing to sign them etc, he lives in anothrr country so this was hard. and finally had my nisi in court on the 28th of january. hoping to have my obsolute real soon.

I think a divorce party is deffintly in order. you can get balloons n sashes with' just divorced' on to.

I love the idea about keeping the champang bottle with a candle on the table.nwill deff fo that.

[CremeEggThief]

Congratulations :).

I can't say yet I'm any happier than I was, as I have no job; am not close to family, most of whom live in a different country anyway; and I have no close friends around, as we are in an area we moved to for his job, before he fucked off and left anyway, and I feel a bit trapped here now as it's so much cheaper to live... BUT I'm not unhappier single than I was with him :).

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Wondering congratulations on getting this far. Sounds like a struggle, I look forward to hearing your good news

Thief that's exactly where I was a year ago. We were split but I was still living far away from friends and family because of his job. And I thought I couldn't move because I'd be denying the dcs their dad.

It was only when he started talking about changing jobs that I thought, hang on a minute, and moved back home. He now of course blames me for "stealing the kids" and says he never mentioned changing jobs until after I said I was going (a complete lie). Apparently I'm completely self centred and the move was only for my benefit. The fact the kids are happy and stable and that my new job has such flexible working hours that I'm always there for school runs (previously dropped at breakfast club and picked up from after school club ) isn't relevant.

I'm financially not as well off here, but I'm emotionally a different person.

XH had lots of strops but has now found a new job. Is it nearer the kids because he can't live without them? No, it's abroad and he'll only see them about 8 times a year. He's already asked if he can reduce his week in may with them so he can go and do a run that weekend instead (it'll be the first time they see him since he started)

It really is all about him. The poor dcs.

At least they have a stable home life now.

Sorry, went on a bit of a ramble.

[AnyFucker]

Crunchy, what you say simply proves that for all his yakking about "what's best for the dc's" it was just that : talk . Many controlling men exert their influence around what they perceive as a "weak spot" in their female partners. It is absolutely a shit thing to do....because it means they have no compunction in using the children of the partnership as a weapon of warfare.

Disgusting behaviour.

[YouKnowNothingoftheCrunch]

Yup, he's a bully.

He actually told me a long story about this guy who never paid any maintenance and what a terrible father he was. To be fair he hasn't missed one payment (although it took 6 months for his payments to recognise his large pay rise). But then doesn't seem to actually care about their welfare (staying up til 3 in the morning playing computer games with ds1 (14) - buying him 18s that i have banned, watching programmes like game of thrones with him - again not allowed in this house - giving him beers when his (XH's not ds's) mates are round, so he's the cool dad - oh and having his mates down when he's seeing the kids - presumably they're too boring on their own - oh and should he ask to swap a visit and I can't as I have plans with the kids on the other weekend, he cancels and them accuses me of stopping him seeing them)

Ooh that was a good long bitch.

He thinks he's the best dad ever and I fear for their safety whenever he has them. Ds1 has often reported back scary moments, like dd1 (3) going under the water in a lake andXH nowhere near her, luckily ds was paying attention.

He is so selfish and will never see it. Dp can't abide him, apparently a very common view which so many people revealed to me after we split. He is not well liked. Quelle surprise!

[MerlotAndMe]

CremeEggThief, the good thing is though that now anything can happen.

[AnyFucker]

quelle surprise indeed