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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

what to make of this text on DH's phone?

139 replies

grants1000 · 18/01/2013 20:39

Together 23 years, married 12, never a hint of DH having an affair, in fact his Dad had several affairs and he has always been repulsed by them.

He got a new iphone and I was fiddling with it while he was in the shower midweek, was being nosey as I don't have an iphone. I found this text from 'Emma' saying

"Yes, Tuesday night would be great, after work and don't ply meet with drinks this time as I have an early start! smily face icon'

He was going to London, staying with his sister as he often for work. I saw the texts to his sister confirming he was staying there eg: her texts to him and vice versa.

So I asked him what he was doing after his meetings on Tues, was he having dinner with his sister and he said no he was meeting 'Dave & John' (people I know).

Anyway he did not stay in London Tues in the end as he had to be back here for a meeting. I checked his phone and the Emma text has been deleted and I don't know how to look for deleted texts on an iphone, so I did not see any reply to her text.

I have been though his Linked In profile and cannot see any 'Emma' and been though his phone and I know 95% of those on it and those who are work realted. I called this 'Emma' and it went to voicemail with no idication of who she is or where she works.

What the fuck is this?

OP posts:

brainonastick · 18/01/2013 20:41

If it looks like a fish, and smells like a fish...

Sorry

MILdesperandum · 18/01/2013 20:42

don't know but the fact that he's never mentioned her if he's seen her before plus deleted the message doesn't sound good does it

Porkster · 18/01/2013 20:43

Sorry to say - I'd be highly suspicious.

MikeOxardInTheSnow · 18/01/2013 20:43

Ask him.

MamaGeekChic · 18/01/2013 20:44

looks like the kind of thing I may send a work friend (male or female) if meeting them for drinks... kisses/winks would make it slightly more concerning.

Middy86 · 18/01/2013 20:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MamaGeekChic · 18/01/2013 20:45

just noticed that it was deleted- more suspicious now!

MILdesperandum · 18/01/2013 20:45

clutching at straws but could it just be an overly flirtatious work aquaintance maybe someone on here knows how to look at phone history?

Flojobunny · 18/01/2013 20:46

If it looks like a rat and smells like a rat...

TippiShagpile · 18/01/2013 20:47

Sounds like the start of an affair ime

Original poster

grants1000 · 18/01/2013 20:49

I know it's bad, he is out tonight (I know where he is as I dropped him off, his friend just got divorced and he is out with him and a few other boys, I saw them in the pub).

My question is, shall I text him now and ask him about it? I say this as I don't want face to face confrontation (esp in from the the children) and he can't drive home as he will be over the limit right now and is staying the night. I just want to know, one way or the other.

Good idea or shit idea?

OP posts:

Original poster

grants1000 · 18/01/2013 20:50

There are only 3 blokes in his business, so no women colleagues to flirt with.

If my heart is about to be broken I want to know now and not let him see my reaction.

OP posts:

MILdesperandum · 18/01/2013 20:51

Personally I don't think you can do this by text, but not actually got a clue how to handle it sorry

Original poster

grants1000 · 18/01/2013 20:52

Am sitting here drining to numb myself and I hope you are all being honest not MN judgey judgey iykwim - so fucking floored by this can't think straight

OP posts:

MikeOxardInTheSnow · 18/01/2013 20:53

Shit idea. Its easy to lie by text. Anyway you need to have a proper conversation about this. He owes you an explantion, if nothing else, at least for lying and saying he was going out with the two blokes when you knoe he was planning to go out with Emma.

MILdesperandum · 18/01/2013 20:54

I think I would try to get more evidence if available incase he denies it; can you access the records of who he has phoned?

TippiShagpile · 18/01/2013 20:54

No. Don't text him tonight. Leave it until tomorrow.
I so hope I'm wrong. It might just be the start of something and a quick chat with him will nip it in the bud. That's my experience and it all worked out ok.
Good luck.

Original poster

grants1000 · 18/01/2013 20:54

But if I text he will know that I know, even if he does come back with some shite

OP posts:

sasamaxx · 18/01/2013 20:55

oh no you must be sick with worry I don't know what to.suggest I really don't.
I couldn't wait either - think I would have to text him

Original poster

grants1000 · 18/01/2013 20:56

It was a brand new phone he's only had 4 days, so no history, his Blackberry has gone to one of those phones for cash things and SIM cards are different for both

OP posts:

PaperLantern · 18/01/2013 20:57

If your can find has a contact history or activity log It will show when messages have been sent and received even if It doesn't show the contents

spatchcock · 18/01/2013 20:57

Don't text him. Wait till tomorrow when you're both sober. Ask him face to face, without any preamble, to gauge his reaction.

I'm not surprised you're unable to think straight. I'd be exactly the same. Put down the bottle and head to bed early.

AppearingDignified · 18/01/2013 20:58

Would a strategy of "I met a man last week who i really fancied and he asked me to meet him for a drink and I'm tempted" work. See what that discussion starts? Or you could just LTB.

birdofthenorth · 18/01/2013 20:58

If it were me I'd want to see his reaction to the question for myself, so if it's massive panic you know something is up. Texting really leaves him off the hook and gives him total freedom to bullshit.

Hope it's nothing and innocent. The lying abut his plans and the deletion are a bit shifty, though.

Sorry

MILdesperandum · 18/01/2013 20:58

Can you think of any pretext to ask Dave&John if they had plans to meet up? Can't imagine how awful you must feel and I just hope for you that it isn't any more than a bit of flirting

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