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Original poster

what to make of this text on DH's phone?

139 replies

grants1000 · 18/01/2013 20:39

Together 23 years, married 12, never a hint of DH having an affair, in fact his Dad had several affairs and he has always been repulsed by them.

He got a new iphone and I was fiddling with it while he was in the shower midweek, was being nosey as I don't have an iphone. I found this text from 'Emma' saying

"Yes, Tuesday night would be great, after work and don't ply meet with drinks this time as I have an early start! smily face icon'

He was going to London, staying with his sister as he often for work. I saw the texts to his sister confirming he was staying there eg: her texts to him and vice versa.

So I asked him what he was doing after his meetings on Tues, was he having dinner with his sister and he said no he was meeting 'Dave & John' (people I know).

Anyway he did not stay in London Tues in the end as he had to be back here for a meeting. I checked his phone and the Emma text has been deleted and I don't know how to look for deleted texts on an iphone, so I did not see any reply to her text.

I have been though his Linked In profile and cannot see any 'Emma' and been though his phone and I know 95% of those on it and those who are work realted. I called this 'Emma' and it went to voicemail with no idication of who she is or where she works.

What the fuck is this?

OP posts:
NomadsLand · 18/01/2013 21:53

Sounds innocent to me. If he was seriously trying to hide things, he'd have phoned.

Jbck · 18/01/2013 21:54

I think you have nothing to worry about, and she didnt think or had no reason not to text what she did.
Typical man who tells you half a story or none at all sometimes whether is important or not.
I think you can sleep easy.

NomadsLand · 18/01/2013 21:55

People send texts like that all the time. My DH gets emails from women on the village hall committee with kisses on the end. They are in their 70's but hey, don't want to be ageist!

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 18/01/2013 21:58

Arrgh indeed.

I'm not entirely sure what to think after that, BUT I don't like that he has called you an idiot twice in that text.

No, 'I'm sorry I didn't mention her and therefore it has worried you', or in fact any kind of serious response.

He has laughed it off and called you a fool. Hmm.

I'm on the fence. Be wary.

takeaway2 · 18/01/2013 21:58

I wouldn't worry. It really sounds v innocent.

inhibernation · 18/01/2013 21:58

I also hope you get some (true) answers soon. Personally, I'd never give a man a chance to concoct some excuses as the man I'd been with for 20 years lied brazenly to me - body language didn't let him down. But I'm no fool - things didn't add up. I eventually for the evidence I needed.

inhibernation · 18/01/2013 21:59

got not for

BluelightsAndSirens · 18/01/2013 22:01

Sounds fine to me. Bit sus that he didn't mention her but the text wouldn't have been so dodgy sounding to you if he had told you about the drunk group it night.

He is making you feel insecure by not telling you the full story.

BouncyPenguin · 18/01/2013 22:01

I have to say grants...his text sounds genuine to me. I think he loves you.

ledkr · 18/01/2013 22:02

I think my dh would come home if he thought I was worried about something like that. He'd want to sort it out and wouldn't want me worrying. I think Hmm

hestonbloomingdale · 18/01/2013 22:03

I am going to give you a guys view on this. Its either harmless flirting or the start of something but its more than you have been told. Either way you need to stop right now texting him. You have given him the heads up that you are onto him. Best advice I can give you is to play it down and watch quietly and/or you lay down the law about what will happen if he is ever unfaithful.

notactuallyme · 18/01/2013 22:03

If she is actually called helen you might want to delete your last post (and this one!)

MikeOxardInTheSnow · 18/01/2013 22:06

I agree with ledkr. Odd, to say the least, that he is so unconcerned about you obvious distress and worry.

pipsytwos · 18/01/2013 22:12

and why was the text deleted?

izzyishappilybusy · 18/01/2013 22:15

I delete texts all the time because I get so many I think it's nothing and even if it is text war when he is out drinking isn't the way forward.

BouncyPenguin · 18/01/2013 22:15

It doesn't surprise me that he comes across unconcerned. Men are always misreading the importance of things and responding in inappropriate ways. He would just rather send a text or two and carry on drinking with his friends and deal with stress from the Mrs later. Well at least that's what my man would do. Annoying.

izzyishappilybusy · 18/01/2013 22:15

And I wouldn't dash home because DH misinterpreted a text - and I love him to bits.

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 18/01/2013 22:18

I am not sure if there is anything in this text or not. Maybe not. But you need to be 100% sure in yourself. Stop texting him, speak to him in person. That is the only way you will know.

There are a few reasons why the text got deleted. He has gone from a bberry to an iphone. totally different types of phone. I know when I changed I did all sorts of weird things just getting used to iphone. And sometimes men only tell half a story because to them the 'details' are not important. Not all men are serial shaggers and not all men are bastards.

Follow your gut instinct. Its usually always right.

Sallystyle · 18/01/2013 22:29

This is why I suggested waiting and looking around for anything else suspicious first.

You got the text back but it means nothing does it? You are still suspicious and he has had time to make up a story and cover his tracks, so you will always probably be wondering.

Hopefully it is totally innocent but sending a text hasn't really solved your fears.

VitoCorleone · 18/01/2013 22:31

To be honest, it does sound innocent.

LifeMovesOn · 18/01/2013 23:28

She doesn't live in Barnstaple in Devon by any chance......she sounds like my ex's ex-mistressShock that trollop was a buyer.

Speak to him face to face - by now he will be either laughing about it with the boys as he's innocent (which is what we hope for) or making his excuses ready.

cerealqueen · 18/01/2013 23:38

It could all be very innocent, I agree. She 'Emma: might be joking in her text as she is a tea totaller or she got herself very drunk and embarrassed herself last time they had work drinks.

I think you have to have a face to face conversation. Just like you can't interpret her text, you can't take his at face value either.

CabbageLeaves · 18/01/2013 23:48

I delete texts all the time. It always amuses me that people regard this as fishy.

That response sounds fine to me. I'd probably want to talk face to face about trust etc with him. It's not nice to be questioned nor to be betrayed

Ahhhcrap · 18/01/2013 23:50

If it was just the message it might be purely innocent.

However YOU know your DH better than anyone , and the deletion if he doesn't normally delete would set off the alarm bells.

Did you say she signed off the text as Enma, but was Helen in his address book? That would be a major red flag for me! My DH had the OW listed under a diff name in his phone

Looksgoodingravy · 19/01/2013 00:34

I understand why you feel the way you do. Lots of little things don't add up.

He's suddenly deleting texts, or rather her text.

He didn't mention 'Emma' was also coming along for drinks.

He's never mentioned her.

You have to ask yourself why would he not tell you? If you hadn't seen her text you would never have known.

There is something to add in his favour though. Surely if there was something going on between them he would have still met her.

Not sure what to think really. I would have waited though and had it out face to face and judged his reaction.

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