Posted a thread under the title boilerwoman yesterday (will link to it when I figure out how)
But basically my lovely DP has walked out on me and our little man tonight. He has gone to his mum's, ostensibly to 'think about what he wants' but we all know what a pile of steaming codswallop that is.
The backstory is that after years of a perfectly happy long term relationship we got into a rut over the past couple of months, got bored, took each other for granted and Christmas was somewhat of an ordeal. Next thing we are having a heart to heart over NYE and the following days but the upshot is that he loves me but he doesn't know what he wants anymore. Blah blah fucking blah.
I know what you will all say but there is no sign of an OW. Nada. And I am the suspicious type. Of course I can't discount it entirely but, in any case, the existence of some putative lurking bint is very much beside the point.
What I cannot quite got my head around, what I cannot fucking believe,is his willingness to leave the family, leave the child he absolutely adores and that he has parented equally for the last 5 years. Without even trying to turn things around. He knows how devastated that child will be, he is such a daddy's boy, has such a happy and contented life, until today.
This is screaming OW isn't it? I asked but he said there was no one else.
I didn't cry when he left, he was looking at me waiting for me to bawl but I didn't; I just coolly saw him off. I thought I would cry, I have been for days and on the verge all day at work. But I just couldn't get it out of my head as he was packing up his stuff - if he can leave his family, his adored son so easily, is he really the man I thought he was at all? So I didn't cry.
It doesn't seem real. How many times have I read the 'he's gone' thread on here - never thought it would be me, we were so so bloody happy for so long.
I have to take my share of the blame - I neglected him, let things slide, let myself go.
Anyway if anyone who has been through this can tell me how to get through the rest of the week I would be beyond grateful. Also, my default setting is to hit the bottle right now but I don't want to, for a million very good reasons.
I have no support network as such, none that would as much use as a chocolate fireguard anyway , and no one I want to tell yet, can't face it. Can't face fucking platitudes and baseless prognostications of everything working out ok in the end. Because if there is one thing I know, it is that things will very much not be ok.
You're it ladies, on the hand holding and steering away from the booze front.. 