He wants an abortion, I don't...bit of a mess.

[trustissues75]

I'm 8 weeks pregnant, found out 4 weeks ago. OH and I have been together for just over a year. I'm in the middle of a very messy international divorce. I have a son who is 8. We moved in with oh in July this year, 150 mile away from my home and family.

From the start OH let me know he didn't want children, and I was fine with that. We had a discussion about him going for the snip especially since I have very strong opinions on abortion (I've had one before it still haunts me 27 years later, and I could never get one again)

Long story short I fucked up with my birth control, he knew...and hey presto...looks like at 37 I'm still super fertile. (I'm not looking for judgments on my lack of responsibility...bit late for that so lets just stick to the now please)

Now we're in a mess.

We're going to counselling this afternoon and all I can hope for it he'll change his mind. We have had a talk about why he doesn't want this child....the usual stuff, finances, no room in the house etc....but the one thing that I feel may be at the actual crux of all of this is a bad relationship he had over 10 years ago. He wanted kids, their relationship ended badly and as he put it (though I'm paraphrasing) his chance to have kids was taken away from him. When I asked him what he meant he said he could never trust anyone enough to have kids with them...he didn't want the possibility of forever having to be tied to someone who might let him down.

I'm still trying to get my head around this....suddenly our problems seem way bigger than me being pregnant....if he didn't want the possibility of having to be tied to someone forever then why was he perfectly okay getting involved with someone who had a child? I mean....my son adores him, we had the discussion of the fact that unless he was deadly serious about this being forever then we wouldn't be moving in because my son sees OH as his father (long story short NSDH abandoned us with just a suitcase of clothes and walked off to America with another woman and hasn't seen DS since...which has been almost 2 years now)

I'm almost sppechless to be honest.

On top of all of that he's worried about how he's going to stand with the CSA if I have the baby....I don't think I even need to tell you how that statement made me feel....

Please help me get some perspective on this...

Thanks

trust

[expotition]

Sorry! That'll teach me not to RTFT / look at dates. Sorry to see more recent posts. Hope you're all right.

[goddessofsmallthings]

So what's happened during the last few years and, more particularly, what's caused you to return to your thread, OP? Did you continue your relationship with him and has it gone tits up again?

[Donthate]

Doesn't sound good OP what has happened?

[SugarMiceInTheRain]

Sorry to hear that OP. What happened? How are you?

[YourLeftElbow]

Hope you're ok OP x

[notonthebandwagon]

Nope. Not ok. More updates on the 'when a partnership isn't a partnership' thread in Relationships.