Porn and lies

[sickofporn]

I wonder if anyone can advise me on how to block porn from my home computers and husband's phone. DH has told me he is going to stop (again) but I want to make sure it can no longer be accessed in my home should he relapse. I have no sex life while DH seems prefers to prefer a wank over disgusting images. I have to protect my DCs and save my marriage :(

[ATourchOfInsanity]

YOU may not see that him watching porn is disrespectful to his wife, but she does. That is what matters in their marriage and why she is trying to find a solution.

It's very sad that so many men can't see what damage porn can do to a relationship, especially as it has become so all pervasive.

[AnyFuckingDude]

it's "irrational" is it, eccles ?

his need for porn overtaking her need for respect is rational then ?

< waits for nest of vipers jibe >

[ecclesvet]

Her inferring disrespect does not necessarily mean that any disrespect exists.

[ATourchOfInsanity]

And he hasn't requested it, he has been sneaking about and pretending he has stopped, until he gets caught when he becomes defensive and angry.

Why would anyone think that is a good way for anyone to conduct themselves over anything if it is so meaningless?

[ATourchOfInsanity]

She feels it, not infers it.
She is living with her feelings of his lack of respect to her.

[AnyFuckingDude]

he is respectful then ?

to prioritise his wish to watch porn over his wife's need to have him take her wishes into consideration ?

do you think people "need" porn ?

do you think some people's sexuality is nothing without it...that there are no alternatives that are equally exciting ?

or is porn the be-all and end-all for you too, eccles ?

[ecclesvet]

I don't the couple, I've no idea if he is respectful or not. He seems to be, from what OP has posted.

His wish to watch porn needs to be taken into consideration, his wife shouldn't prioritise her wish for him not to watch porn - ooh, see how that switch works either way round? Neat!

No.

No.

No.

Is that the end of the interview? Did I get the job?

[ATourchOfInsanity]

His wish is destroying their marriage. Her's isn't. Her's was part of their marriage vows. She is being mature and wanting real sex. He is being a child and wanting cheap tat.

If he carries on he will loose his family, lets hope he thinks it was worth it.

[AnyFuckingDude]

You got the job.

[ecclesvet]

We don't know what effect the porn is having on their marriage. OP mentions that they were having an unrelated row before this, so it sounds like it could be something else. She says that his side of it is that she is turning him down for sex, which she 'rebuts' with a rather vague 'my sex drive is higher than his'. Also, when she first "caught" him using porn, he had been using it for the previous 8 months with no effect on their marriage since it came as a complete shock to OP.

[AnyFuckingDude]

is OP's assessment of her own marriage worthless ?

[AnyFuckingDude]

eccles, just come right out with it

tell Op to embrace the porn and it will spice up her sex life

go on...you know you wanna

[ecclesvet]

It isn't worthless, but it is one-sided.

You caught me, AnyFucker. I shan't rest until the world's population is forced to watch a 24 hour porn stream, Clockwork Orange style.

[AnyFuckingDude]

You are defending this man's right to do so, even though it is distressing his wife.

That is unkind.

I expect you think I am being unkind to this inadequate porn addict though. I mean, he can't help it, can he. It's an illness.

[FastLoris]

Would love to read a thread by a man who can't get a look in 'cos his wife was always at The Dreamboys club with work colleagues, reading 50 shades at home with her rabbit while he does food shopping and hiding her online stash of Big Cocks whenever he walked into the room and pretending she was doing 'research' for work.

Not seen one yet.

Yep, that's because they don't exist.

Of course anyone looking openly and honestly at the hundredth or thousandth thread relating this same sorry tale about men, and reflecting on the fact that there are NEVER any such stories the other way around, would be forced to conclude that there was some deep and pervading difference between the sexes and how they experience sexual desire.

Or it could just be coincidence, of course...

[ecclesvet]

It's unkind to give OP unconditional support thus fostering her delusion that this is anything other than normal. A man watched porn on his computer? And he's married?

Interestingly, there's currently a thread on AIBU right now about a husband who doesn't want his wife on a certain website. The responses are very different.

[AnyFuckingDude]

eccles, it is very far from normal that a bloke prefers porn to sex with his wife

[ecclesvet]

No one has said he prefers it.

[AnyFuckingDude]

I have no sex life while DH seems prefers to prefer a wank over disgusting images.

from the OP

[ATourchOfInsanity]

He is doing it rather than have sex with a wife who wants sex with him. Why would he do that if he didn't prefer it? The OP clearly isn't 'making' him, therefore he seems to prefer it.

[ecclesvet]

She said he "seems to". Then she says he is saying she refuses him, and also that she no longer wants to have sex with him. And also that 5 years ago, he was easily maintaining both his marital sex life, and watching porn. So it would seem that he wants both.

[ATourchOfInsanity]

Oh well that's OK then, he wants both so let's leave him to it despite how it hurts his wife

[AnyFuckingDude]

this is OP's thread

her inadequate husband can look for his own support in justifying his porn habit, despite it making his wife feel like shit

oh...

[ecclesvet]

Her knowledge of it makes her feel like shit. Back when she didn't know about it, she was happy as larry. So this tells us that the issue is not due to any effect the porn has on her husband, but due to the effect it has on her. She can choose to deal with it (discussion with husband and/or counsellor), or not (break up with husband, date to find a man who doesn't tell her he will use porn).

[badinage]

Or it could just be coincidence, of course...

It's no coincidence, but it's got fuck all to do with men and women's 'desires' being different.

What's different is the way men and women are raised in society, to think that men's sexual needs trump women's every time. Mystery of the Missing Threads solved in one.