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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Well purse my fanjo, giraffes in wheelchairs and submariners going dowwwnnnn - the dating thread hits 30!

999 replies

JulietteMontague · 24/11/2012 14:24

Off we go...

OP posts:
ArcticBlast · 03/12/2012 21:55

I'm beginning to realise that now, ike. Wish I had realised 3 months ago, & prepared myself for that. At least I am an OD virgin no more.

sunny177 · 03/12/2012 22:01

Hey all, hope you don't mind me joining you all! Haven't had time to read all the old posts so thought I'd jump in lol. I'm a single mum to 2 ds an 1dd and been on my own for 6 months now. Just getting back on the dating wagon. Had a date last week and a second one on Saturday went well but finding it all v strange as was with my ex since I was 16 and never really dated ever!! Lol x

WarmFuzzyFun · 03/12/2012 22:10

I'm back. He dumped me. Said 'I liking you too much' I have heard it all now. He broke up with me because everything was going too wellXmas Confused

Never mind. NEXT!Grin

(I have developed a thick skin)

As you were.

Not commiserations, it is fine, I am a grown up and it was good while it lasted, and he lasted Wink

WarmFuzzyFun · 03/12/2012 22:11

I obviously have lost the ability to type accurately. Please excuse the typos Xmas Blush

Yogagirl17 · 03/12/2012 22:11

Bant sorry but that sounds like a lot of red flags to me. To be suggesting unprotected sex is either foolish in the extreme or manipulative. And the girlfriend thing sounds she is not getting the message that you want to take things one step at a time. I mean, I think once I'd slept with someone I'd be interested to know if they were seeing other people - that way I could be clear on what we were doing. Plus, bad coffee (with a small c) would be a definite deal breaker for me! Wink Sorry, I don't mean to make light of it, but I'd be a little worried that "full on" could turn into bunny boiler..

izzyizin · 03/12/2012 22:12

Long time lurker/sometime contributor here.

Just dropping in to say don't lose heart, honeys - they've got an awful lot of coffee in Brazil Xmas Grin

This is one of the most powerful times of year for all things woo - put your cosmic orders up the chimney with your lists for Santa and wait to see what the New Year brings you Wink

WarmFuzzyFun · 03/12/2012 22:12

At least I have some strong, Coffee

48howdidthathappen · 03/12/2012 22:16

ike If only I knew what I wanted. I like him. I told him from the start I was recently out of a LTR and in no place to look too far ahead. It all happened so fast, too fast.

He upset me with a text yesterday, implying he doesn't trust me. That hurt! I have never fucked anyone over in my life.

Have jumped ship now Sad

izzyizin · 03/12/2012 22:21

As an aside to bant, you've got a full blown bunny boiler thinly disguised as a warm/witty funnny fluffy creative woman on your hands.

Be warned - in her world men are easily replaceable and they're there to be eaten up and spat out as soon as they fail to please.

ike1 · 03/12/2012 22:21

Oh well 48 ..its a bit early in the relationship to start chucking out the trust bombs...you have probs read the situation correctly...

bantamrooster · 03/12/2012 22:27

So is it a red flag that she wants to send me pictures of herself naked? I didn't ask, I should point out. I mean, I'm a bloke, so a very attractive woman sending me pictures of herself naked is not a bad thing.

I find it weird to see the irony here from seeing all the ridiculous things men ask for, and do, and now be faced with some of the same stuff from someone who's being overly full-on, which I've seen women accused of being from men who obviously were game playing. I'm not playing any games here, and I really want to see if she calms down a bit. But I am a little Hmm

ike1 · 03/12/2012 22:28

Wouldnt say the naked piccies are a problem...but the ondom one REALLY is in my opinion..it makes me quite angry actually...

Yogagirl17 · 03/12/2012 22:28

Fuzzy & 48 sorry :(

ike1 · 03/12/2012 22:29

Bloody hell! condom

JulietteMontague · 03/12/2012 22:33

Bantam please take care of yourself. I think many of the red flags that apply to men would apply equally to women. If you invite a man over to dinner, and it's understood that sex is a possibility you go get some condoms as it is only polite. Sometimes things can happen unexpectedly but no one can assume anything and certainly not try to tell someone some is 'ok' against their wishes.

OP posts:
fayster · 03/12/2012 22:35

Kirsty, I agree with Bant, the Auditor might have genuinely made a mistake, but either way, he's been good enough to let you know, and not just vanished.

Bant, from a perspective very close to the Artist's, I often drop into a conversation with someone I'm getting to know that I would have loved to have had kids, especially if they have them. This is because over the last few years I've had more than my fair share of people assuming that I'm some child hating, career obsessed harpie, because I haven't had them. Nothing could be further from the truth, and I don't mind people talking about their children, so I tell them that to let them know it's ok to do so. I've also been very up front with any date (if it looks like it could go further), that I've not given up hope of it happening one day. Believe me, I feel a bit of a freak bringing that up with some bloke I hardly know, but I don't think it would be fair on either of us not to.

On the other hand, I would most definitely be using condoms with someone I'd only known for a week! Especially someone who'd been Internet dating.

Yogagirl17 · 03/12/2012 22:35

I don't get the naked pic thing at all. It's just something I would never want to send or receive. I'm all for filthy texting or emailing but for me, nakedness is just for in person.

However, my own personal feelings about naked pics aside, it does seem to be yet another example of her being too full on. If you were to dump her, I can almost hear her saying, "how could you, I sent you naked pictures of myself....!!"

bantamrooster · 03/12/2012 22:37

Adult Content

So should I be concerned that one of the used condoms went missing? I mean, I gathered most of them up and put them in the bin. But I couldn't find the first one earlier in the evening. No one is going to be bunnyboiler enough to actually take one and try and make use of it, are they?

Adult content over

ike1 · 03/12/2012 22:39

Fay i totally agree that it is fine to chat about a desire for children...but in this context with the lack of condoms and the full on behaviour....yeah Im not one who would do the naked piccies and certainly not this early in the proceedings but I dont think its a massive issue...

ike1 · 03/12/2012 22:41

Oh no Bant...eek ...its never occured to me...dunno...but yes possibly...i guess

48howdidthathappen · 03/12/2012 22:42

Bloody Hell bant

bantamrooster · 03/12/2012 22:46

I don't know. I really don't know she took it. I'd like to assume she put it in the bin, or it was just misplaced as I wasn't really thinking clearly when I put it aside, but the whole 'it's safe baby, wrong time of the month' thing had me a bit Hmm

Ah crap.

JulietteMontague · 03/12/2012 22:46

Naked pictures are fine once you are in a relationship and trust someone totally, unless you wouldn't mind the possibility they may be passed around the internet. If she is offering, it would also indicate someone who is used to doing it, it can't be her first time. Nothing wrong with doing it as such but it does indicate a certain ahem, carelessness/lack of awareness/habit. Does not bode well on the condom front.

Anyone on here who does this, I am not judging as each to their own but, no woman suddenly decides to send someone naked photos, uninvited, for the very first time in her life to a man she has known for only 8 days. Unless, of course she is totally unhinged thinks she is madly in love with you and if that is the case after 8 days, RUN.

OP posts:
FlorentinePogen · 03/12/2012 22:47

Bantam, just to echo izzyizin's comment above, it sounds like Alex Forrest is alive and well and coming for you.....Xmas Hmm

Remember the First Rule of Shag Club.

"No Glove, No Love."

48howdidthathappen · 03/12/2012 22:47

Never thought I would say this 'I have gone right off Coffee' Shock