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Original poster

WWYD? Found condom...

109 replies

NannyPlumBum · 04/09/2012 19:27

Me and kids have been away for a few days visiting my family. We decided to come back a bit early, didn't tell DH, was supposed to be a surprise.
Went into bedroom. Condom wrapper on side, used condom in bedroom bin.
Porn DVD sorting out.

Confronted him. He denies sex with someone else, swore on kids lives, says he was watching porn by himself, is embarrassed, doesn't wish to discuss it.

I don't know what to believe.

OP posts:
lisaro · 04/09/2012 19:41

The porn definitely makes me believe it's a posh wank. And yes, lots of men do do this. There's two points I'd like to make 1 he was keeping the bedroom clean and 2; he doesn't want to talk about it cos he's a bit embarrassed for some reason.

vigglewiggle · 04/09/2012 19:41

I think you need to say to him that in the circumstances, you are well within your rights to ask a few questions and he should have the guts to answer them. If he continued to be evasive I would get very suspicious and ask him to hand over his phone etc. I understand that he may be embarrassed but he needs to get over it and see it from your point of view.

Original poster
NannyPlumBum · 04/09/2012 19:44

Well what would I want him to say, if he did talk?
We don't talk about masterbating, ever. So I guess that's why he would say he's embarrassed.
And I asked him about sleeping with someone, straight out.

OP posts:
BonkeyMollocks · 04/09/2012 19:47

If you don't talk about masturbating then that may explain why he doesn't want to talk about it now.

When you asked him outright what did you gut say about his response?

Best judgement imo.

vigglewiggle · 04/09/2012 19:48

Well he hasn't exactly explained anything has he. I understand that you may both be uncomfortable discussing it, but in order to put your mind at rest he should be prepared to face the most excruciatingly embarrassing revelation.

CakeBump · 04/09/2012 19:49

No wonder he's too embarrassed to discuss it if you never usually talk about masturbation.

And fwiw my DH says.... actually he's just told me he's a bit busy at the mo (cheffing in our restaurant :) I'll ask him in a minute.....)

He'll say "are you on bloody MN again?" :)

tiredofwaitingforitalltochange · 04/09/2012 19:51

Tell him that if he's not willing to discuss it, you'll have no choice but to believe the worst and you'll be making an appointment with a solicitor with a view to divorcing him for adultery.

I'm sorry but I think that's absurdly confrontational. Not serious advice, surely?

NimpyWindowMash · 04/09/2012 19:53

My DH doesnt do this but he has said that it feels nice to cum into a condom.

CocktailsAndFriedChicken · 04/09/2012 19:53

Need more info. Was he dressed? Still in bed? Is the bedroom on the ground first or other floor? Could he physically have had someone else in there, hid them in the time that he had between you getting to the house & speaking to him, then got them out?

Posh wank likely if he doesnt want to change the sheets.

Original poster
NannyPlumBum · 04/09/2012 19:55

Oops didn't give enough info- he was at work when we got in. I confronted him when he got in. So must have been last night.

OP posts:
Numberlock · 04/09/2012 19:56

I believe him, I think people are looking for a problem where there isn't one.

He would surely have to be monumentally stupid to leave both the condom AND the wrapper in places where he knew they could be found.

I'd just ask him to tidy up after himself next time.

As for not discussing masturbating, why don't you try it together next time, you might enjoy it. Wink

BonkeyMollocks · 04/09/2012 19:57

If he was having a affair he would have to be damn stupid to not get rid of evidence straight away.

On the other hand, the same goes if he feels embarrassed about what he has done....

Yogii · 04/09/2012 19:59

Posh wank... Yes. But 1 in 5000. What can I say, I ain't that posh.

CocktailsAndFriedChicken · 04/09/2012 20:00

If he was having an affair when you came home the bin would have been empty & the bedding in the wash, I reckon.

Perhaps this is a good opportunity for you to work on your communication as a couple.

CakeBump · 04/09/2012 20:01

Right, DH says a posh wank is perfectly usual. Apparently some men "don't like their own, you know, stuff" and "don't want to make a mess"

although if DH has ever bothered about making a mess in any sphere of life then I've never bloody noticed

Strawhatpirate · 04/09/2012 20:02

The naughty dvd would suggest posh wank rather than up to rudies with another lady. Hopefully in a few days when he is less embarased you can discus it properly so you're not stewing. I would keep an eye out for other weird out of character things though!

OrangeImperialGoldBlether · 04/09/2012 20:27

Oh OP, I'm sorry, but I just don't believe this posh wank business. I would assume someone was there.

And as for people saying he'd throw away the wrapper, well, that's how some people do get found out, isn't it?

CaptainHoratioWragge · 04/09/2012 20:37

Just asked my DH.
His response is "that poor bastard, no wonder he's embarrassed. There's loads of things that seem a good idea at the time'

TellyBug · 04/09/2012 20:41

You guys are so Daily Mail*!

*scaremongers

www.relationship-forums.com/showthread.php?t=14166

Evilwater · 04/09/2012 20:44

OP my thougths are somethings going on that needs further probing. Hmm
I mentioned it to my DH, and he says he could have been experimenting. Not every guy likes them perhapes he was just trying out a new brand, or one of those fun condoms.
evil

GoldPicnminx · 04/09/2012 20:49

If he's shagging around I doubt he'd leave the condom wrapper in the bin.

There would probably other indications too such as being secretive with his phone or excuses for being late home.

As someone who had a cheating H, I'd don't think your dh is.

Eurostar · 04/09/2012 20:51

It's pretty easy to tell from a used condom if it has been used for one or two, pretty grim though examining it up close.

elfycat · 04/09/2012 20:55

Just asked DH, he said 'posh wank' before I read down and came across it on this site... first time I've heard this term...

Guys can be a bit shy about this stuff... bless em.

nongnangning · 04/09/2012 21:03

Well after reading all this, I just asked my DH 'have you ever heard of a posh wank'? He hadn't, so I explained about the condom.
'Oh that,' he said. 'Yes, I've probably done that once or twice in the past if there's been a condom around, it saves getting a load of mess everywhere. If this woman's husband was under the duvet watching porn he would have had to get up and change the sheets. Which would be a pain. So he used a condom. If there was a porn video in he was probably on his own.

So I am voting that he was alone.

nongnangning · 04/09/2012 21:04

PS I am just picturing the front rooms of Britain alive with women all simultaneously asking their DHs 'have you heard of a posh wank?'