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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

So the OW is no longer and seems to be happily carrying on life with her oblivious DH .. should I let him know what went on??

55 replies

KirstyWirsty · 04/07/2012 20:22

I didn´t get in touch to tell her DH what was going on as I didn´t want to push STBXH and OW together as she seemed to still be with her DH .. but now they are finished should I let her hubby know??

She was not an innocent victim .. she knew about the bomb that she and my ´D´H were throwing into my marriage .. why should she be able to carry on as if nothing happened??

I´d be interested in what all of you wise ladies think ... you have helped so much xx

OP posts:
ErikNorseman · 04/07/2012 20:43

Best stay well out of it, I get it, really I do but it won't make you feel better. Keep your dignity.

imatwat · 04/07/2012 20:46

Agree with Erik

izzyizin · 04/07/2012 20:52

What would be the point? She'll deny, he'll believe her, you'll come across as being unhinged unbalanced.

Are you still with your adulterous 'd' h?

TheHappyHissy · 04/07/2012 20:53

Have faith in Karma love, i know it's hard, but keeping your dignity is really worthwhile.

Course you are allowed to muse aloud within STBXs hearing... just to scare the bejeezus out of him... ;-)

BillyBollyBandy · 04/07/2012 20:54

I'd tell her. I hope you have more restraint than me because the other posters are right.

YankNCock · 04/07/2012 20:54

Nah, better to leave her living in fear of him finding out, that's a punishment in itself. If he was a friend of yours it would be different, but if you don't know him you've got no obligation really.

cupcake78 · 04/07/2012 20:55

As tempting as it maybe what do you think you'll achieve? He wouldnt thank you and it would keep you in the past.

dondon33 · 04/07/2012 20:57

As much as you want to spill the beans (I would also want to) the sensible side of me says don't do it. It's not worth the trouble.
I know you've suffered but is it right/fair to make others do the same, especially if there's children involved (believe me I would really struggle with this) I think if you didn't say anything at the time you found out, with good reason may I add, it could look like your being vindictive now.
Be dignified and a whole lot better than both your Exh and ow and let it go, get on with your life. Hopefully Karma pays a visit and bites her on the arse soon. xx

PissyDust · 04/07/2012 20:57

Oh tempting. Don't do it, it won't work out as wel as your fantasising about a d it will drag it all up again for you.

EclecticShock · 04/07/2012 20:59

I would personally try to leave it and think of yourself, you dont need more crap.

Conflugenglugen · 04/07/2012 21:01

No.

SparklyRedShoes · 04/07/2012 21:14

I'm not as nice as other posters, cause I'd send her a letter telling her she has exactly xx amount of days to confess all before I meet her husband for a little chat about her cheating ways.

Why should she help to screw up someone else's family whilst keeping hers all safe and intact?

Essentially listen to the other posters.

BelieveInPink · 04/07/2012 21:17

Nope. Think of the daily torture shell have wondering if it will ever come out.

That's better justice than revealing all now.

EverybodysDoeEyed · 04/07/2012 21:18

I would definitely want to tell one for revenge and two because I feel sorry for her husband because in his position I would want to be told

BUT

if you don't know him there is no reason why he would believe you. It could also stir up problems with STBXH.

So I think for your own sake it would be best to leave it.

However, I wouldn't be shy about telling people who STBXH had screwed around with

Megan74 · 04/07/2012 21:27

I would.

However, I woud only do it if I had a piece of irrafutable (sp?) evidence to show the husband.

I am evil though.

hidingbeneathanamechange · 04/07/2012 21:31

If I were him I'd want to know. That's all I'm saying.

nowaydontdoit · 04/07/2012 21:31

DPs XW called up my XH. And we hadn't even had sex. DON'T

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 04/07/2012 21:31

You will come across as bitter and you will not know the outcome of your disclosure. Will that be a consolation for you?

You can be dignified - or not - that is your choice.

Proudnscary · 04/07/2012 21:42

I can really really see how tempting this is.

I can't imagine myself actually going through with it though, for all the reasons given on this thread.

I would however, be fairly loose lipped I think. I wouldn't keep it a secret. And I would certainly contemplate telling OW that I intended to tell her husband.

PandaNot · 04/07/2012 21:44

How do you know that he doesn't already know about it?

sparkle12mar08 · 04/07/2012 21:47

If you have proof, solid, incontrovertible proof, I'd tell him and send it to him. But then I'm a vindictive bitch when crossed...

GrasshopperNchipmunk · 04/07/2012 22:10

I would absolutely tell him. Not so much to punish her, but out of decency to him. If it was other way around wouldn't you want to know? Whatever he chooses to do with the info is up to him.

Mumcentreplus · 04/07/2012 22:20

Tell his arse...why should someone live in lies and deceit?...

SoSoMamanBebe · 04/07/2012 22:22

Your anger is focussed on the wrong person. Your husband lied to you.

lunar1 · 04/07/2012 22:39

I would tell him, not for revenge but because he deserve's the truth.

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