Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Good Morning all

Dotty, I think you have amazing courage and strength for reporting it, as does your DC Why.
I tried reporting my abuser several times, long and complicated, but it didn't go anywhere.
I'd love to report my attackers especially, but I don't know who they were.

Rainy day here, Thursdays I have both boys home all day, so I like to get them outside if I can. Maybe wellies and umbrellas and we'll go out anyway.

I hope you all slept well.

dotty - it will be hard to watch it - but it's the beginning of the end.

Today has gotten off to a bad start - I had terrible dreams last night, the worst yet, partly brought on by ongoing events, partly because of something that came up in therapy that triggered some personal memories and meant I was sobbing to DH last night.

I didn't want dh to go to work this morning - sometimes I feel massively resentful that he goes - when I can't. But he says henhas to go to keep sane.

End result is we weren't speaking when he left. It's my fault but it always hate it when I do this.

chips that must be so difficult - knowing what but not who :(

Morning. Sorry I disappeared last night, I fell asleep on the couch! Not like me at all. DH woke me up when he got back. Poor DS didn't have a good night, he woke at about 12 and took about 2 hours to get back to sleep. Very unusual for him.

It's rainy here too chips. I absolutely hate going out the rain but we'll brave it later to go to toddler group because a whole day in the house is not fun.

I am curious why reporting your abuser didn't work out chips, but you don't need to discuss if it if you don't want to.

I don't think you're wrong to ask your DH not to go to work whydo - when I was really struggling I used to ask that of my DH and sometimes he would do it. But then he has a very flexible job. Do you think you'll sort it out with each other later?

Yes dh will be fine - he doesn't have a flexible job, his boss isn't exactly sympathetic either. Dh would have to go sick and hebhinks it's letting his colleagues down.

He would come home if I really needed him, there have been times when I have had to ring him home.

I'm just so tired - been up since 6 but haven't gotten out of bed and should have the little ones in pg in 40 mins.

Glad you got and early night in Cailin.

:( Whydo.

Forgive me if you've mentioned it before but are you on ADs at the moment?

No - I did try some but I didn't find them very effective. Well they just didn't make any difference - doc says she didn't really think they would because there is just too much going on.

Ditto to sleeping pills.

We are skipping PG today - but we don't do that much anymore.

I'm really upset by something the abusers family have done - that's shows how absolutely callous they are about what has happened.

Peoples capacity to turn a blind eye to this is astounding. And it really gets me down.

That'd why dh is cross - he thinks I shouldn't let it get to me because that's what they want.

I think it's quite unfair of your DH to be cross - you don't "let" something get to you, it either does or it doesn't. If you could choose not to be bothered by it I'm sure you would.

The reason I mentioned ADs is because they can help to get you on an even keel moodwise so other things are a bit less of a struggle. They not guaranteed to help though, it depends on the situation.

He has a remarkable capacity to put things to one side - which is good - because if he was like me - our family would starve I'm afraid.

I do take some herbal stuff if I'm desperate for sleep - and I was burning a lot of essential oils - which really did help actually - but Dc hates the smell so that's stopped.

Today is just a really bad day - tomorrow will be better.

DCs have had breakfast in bed and are happy with TV. It's wouldn't be good all the time but one day won't hurt them.

Dh is just frustrated I think that he can't help - and fix things. Hr also has his own issues in all this - which he is burying so he can help me and DC.

The attitude that today is a bad day but tomorrow will be better is a great one IMO. Accepting that sometimes things will be shit is the only way to get through something as hard as this.

Do you worry about your DH's ability to compartmentalise?

Yes as in - I think that one day this is going to hit him like a ton bricks and he is going to completely breakdown.

He has been an amazing tower of strength - but I don't think anyone can bury their feelings for ever - One way or another they will surface - my bet is after the trial.

He has booked a holiday for straight after and he really wants to go, but it would mean missing the sentencing hearing (probably), which I am dead set against. I don't know what to do tbh.

He has only chosen that date because it's our earlier booked holiday we have cancelled and it's the latest date we can go without losing our money.

I'm tempted to tell him to take small DCs and I'll fly out after hearing but I doubt he would leave me - it will be all of us or none of us I think.

Morning all don't know what its like outside just woken 5 minutes or so ago seems my sleep has recovered again only woke once at 4.30 and didn't have the panicky feelingg for going to sleep first time in weeks.

Dc could do an aromatherapy test to see which oils help them.

I found someone who understands the disconnection, unfortunately it's his suicide note stating how he was abused and how the disconnection plagued his life. No one knows how to change it.

Sad thing was he was famous, everyone knows his products and he was still disbelieved.

I didn't know you could do that (aromatherapy test) - dc will probably think it's hippy nonsense. But I might try it myself.

Dc is wandering around with school bag asking to go - so now I feel bad - evil mummy award.

Your allowed an off day do something with them at home or go for a walk. Aromatherepy is quite relaxing used to burn it in my kitchen all the time was told of one to calm DS down as he used to have meltdowns as soon as he got home never tried it as I forgot to write it down so had forgotten the name when going to get it.

I have to get out of the house with DS today or I'll go mental. We're due to go to a toddler group at 1:30 but I can guarantee he won't nap before then so he'll be like a demon. It always happens - toddler group at 9:30, he needs a nap at 10, toddler group at 1:30, he needs a nap at 1. I think I'm going a bit mad from being at home with him for so long - I need to just bloody suit myself for five minutes.

I use(d) geranium oil - it's uplifting, lavender in the night to aid sleep (tons of it on my pillows), and also - eucalyptus/tea tree for a nice clean smell.

I really do find them effective.

I light the burner - DC blows out candle.

Aromatherapy is another thing that does nothing for me. I have incredibly strong sense of smell - I can't wear perfume because I keep smelling it all day and it drives me nuts. I associate smells very strongly with memories so random smells can really get to me.

I used the incense sticks gave up with burner having DS wasn't safe with candles and him.

Must be awful having so many memories really don't know what's worse not remembering or having all the memories drives me nuts at times not knowing my sis says I've remembered enough to deal with just now.

Cailin DH believes it's all psychosematic (SP), as in I believe it works so it works.

Dotty - I wasn't a child when I was a victim - but I still find memories come back in flashes (as per last night).

I think you could go mad trying to remember everything that has happened to you.

That's how it works, isn't it Whydo - the brain influencing the body? It's just as effective as any other treatment, it just doesn't work for everyone. My father is into accupressure and has offered to do it on me numerous times, but I've always refused, much to his annoyance. People foisting help on you because they think it's what you need drives me absolutely nuts - I'd rather they'd just fuck off and mind their own business.