Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Does it make you feel better? Or do you think you're trying to minimise what happened?

Probably minimise things we weren't beaten the threat was there the house was ruled with a rod of iron. I survived what happened made a life had a family others didn't. Can't help but count my blessings.

Yes I was hit but not all the time

Because I can protect and fight for my child but when it comes to me I can't tell up from down and think it's ok to be shit on. Unless I'm not being shit on. Fuck fuck fuck. I don't fight for anything for me and I don't know jack shit.

Because I can protect and fight for my child but when it comes to me I can't tell up from down and think it's ok to be shit on. Unless I'm not being shit on. Fuck fuck fuck. I don't fight for anything for me and I don't know jack shit.

You lived in fear though Dotty, thats horrendous on top of what it did.

Ok am too upset need to fork orf for a bit.

Sorry Olympic if I've upset you didn't mean to not my style.

I read these posts and I wish I could offer some words of comfort - but I really don't know what to say most of the time.

I take great comfort from the way you support each other - and I have found your posts to me so helpful.

Gentle virtual hug to anyone who wants one.

Hope you're ok Olympic - can I offer a hug?

Dotty the fact that you went through all that and achieved so much, what with raising a family and now bringing IT to court, shows you are an incredibly strong person. That isn't just luck, that's down to you.

Hug gratefully received whydo. I for one am very glad to have you on the thread. Knowing that parents who take their children seriously and fight for them actually do exist is very very comforting for me. Your presence confirms to me that that world isn't quite as shit as I thought it was.

Cailin if i'd thought it through would never have done it but then would anyone do what I have done if they knew the consequences and impact on their life and health.

Here here Cailin DD2's friends mum has stood by her from the moment she was told never doubted her once she went through everything but rape at 13.

Dotty, you have been given the message by your parents that what happened to you doesn't matter, but by fighting the case you are standing up against that in the strongest way possible. I know it's a terribly hard slog but I do think it has the potential to be a great thing for you in the end. Do you see what I mean? You are putting your foot down and saying "No, what he did was wrong and I will see him punished," which is a hugely positive message for your sense of self worth.

Not saying it isn't just that its incredibly hard and in a way bizarre though it sounds I'm glad I didn't think it through or that I wasn't warned of the consequences ie my reaction DC knew how I'd react she told me when she came for a catch up.

I see what you mean dotty.

Thank you Cailin. Dotty i do know - from DS and one other lady who has contacted me - that tales of survivors who report - inspire others to come forward.

This lady told me she felt if DC can do it - she can do it as an adult.

I think a lot of people read and don't speak.

Ad I say often - I think you are so brave. It's a hard thing to do.

You are all brave on this thread. Everyday you get through is a credit to you (badly worded but I hope you know what I mean).

getup, I mostly do Pilates and then do Yoga breathing. I use dvds, I've never been to a class. I find it soothing and calming, especially the meditation.

Whydo, I'm so sorry for what you and your family are going through. You are a wonderful mother, your DC will one day look back on all this and see how you supported and believed.

Dotty, what your dad said was terrible, so wrong. I'm sorry. I hope you don't believe him.

Olympic, it's hardest to look after ourselves. I hope you are ok?

How are you this evening Cailin?

Thank you :), I'm so glad I started posting here.

Dotty I know what you mean - I sometimes wonder if reporting was the right thing - for DC and for us as a family.

But then I think how DC must have felt before disclosure - when abuser was a part of our day to day life - and I know - making that call was the absolute right thing to do.

Banning him from our life want enough - DC deserved a voice. It's DCs choice all the way - if they wanted to pull out tomorrow - they could but DC is clear - DC never wants another child at risk.

whydoi I was told the first day I met local DC that at anytime I wanted to stop and withdraw it was my choice what would I have looked like if I had a liar? I know its to late to pull out now its gone to far down the process.

Evening all :)

Yesterday I finally plucked up the courage to go to the Dr and ask for help. It was so discouraging :( she barely acknowledged it or looked at me, said she would need longer than a 10 minute appointment to do the referral to a psychologist, and told me she would read back through my notes and see if she could do it with the information there on my previous MH issues. She obviously didn't know what to say and it was so awkward.

In contrast, a lovely lady from my local rape and child abuse survivors centre called me today after I left a message yesterday. She was so encouraging, supportive and sympathetic. And made me feel like I was taking a positive step! I am going for an initial session on the 13th of July. Then onto the waiting list for 1-2-1 support.

Cailin, my DS2 is 18 months too :) he's a maniac, but very cute so I can forgive him!

I think he is still a risk remembering what he was like near my little girl tells me that

Swanface thats great about the support FWIW my first appointment with dr went on for over 20 minutes but she wasn't fussed because she's a caring dr.

I think I will probably try and see my own Dr tomorrow about it. I only saw her because I couldn't get my own Dr. So fingers crossed that goes better.

Swan sorry about your doctor half about 1-2-1. I think some professionals, however well meant, are just out of their depth.

Well done one taking first steps. Our GP is lovely and I refuse dc or I to see any other Doctor in the practice.

Dotty he will always be known to the authorities now - his PNC record will show forever that he has been charged with this.

whydoi I was told that it was on his record before he was even charged as soon as he was arrested it was there.

I honestly think that I was genuinlely believed straight away by both DC's involved in the case on the way home from doing my interview she said he would be charged if it was up to her police decide in Scotland not prosecuters.

First time I spoke to other DC after she had viewed video I asked what about him and she said Oh he WILL be getting arrested she was so emphatic about it.

Funny cause back then I was so worried about screwing it up but was tld I did everything right but was quietly spoken I was aware of that and tried to speak up was also concernedabout who had seen it, it was so intimate and personel why the hell I was bothered I don't know it will be shown in court if he pleads not guilty. I will also get to see it if that happens, really don't want to but have to.