Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

I'm glad you have a good therapist whydo, that's a big plus.

How are things going with you?

Cailin because he's PFB, the blue eyed boy or the golden child and could not possibly have been his fault only mine makes me sound vindictive sorry

Was that what he was implying dotty? That you were at fault?

Whydo I told DC down south I think I'll be judged by court system she sais same as you this was when I met her to put a face to the voice in January still can't shake it though I still judge myself though my sisters understand how I feel they do the same but they feel guilty about me as well which they shouldn't do they weren't to know he'd go after me.

Dotty, what the therapist said to me today, was that in court, they go so far in seeming to be impartial, that sometimes, it seems like they are on the abusers side, but they arent, and its important to hold that thought.

Cailin, I am furious at someone who has decided to kick us while we are down, but I am thinking thats a sad reflection on them, and not a reflection on us.

Cailin in a word yes bear in mind he's 12 nd a half years older than I am I had absolutely no contact with him from 1995 until 6 years ago when my dad became ill as a result I ended up with IBS because of the hidden stress on myself he would just wander in and tried to speak to my youngest who was 10 at the time at dad's funeral my aunt grabbed her as I was nearly in tears trying to keep him away from her everytime she moved he moved next to her.

Sorry xpost,

What's your dad said Dotty?

Just heard, in the ceop raids conducted over the last few weeks someone local has been arrested in relation to it. Police are still making enquiries but the suspect has been suspended from working with children, although he is not being held in prison. Police are being thorough in investigating.

I'm failing miserably on xposting tonight :o

Dotty, doesn't matter how old you were, you were manipulated by an abuser, many adults couldn't stop that. I'm really angry at the implications of your fathers statement as it implies he felt you were responsible. It really fucking annoys me when parents expect kids to know everything and takes the blame off the shit people. grrm

I'm fine, have got into a bit of a pickle in rl with helping someone but I'm quite used to it now.

How's everyone else?

That is a fucking disgusting thing for your father to say dotty. Sorry for the cursing but seriously that is just awful. You know it's not true don't you?

My mum was even better managed to talk to her by getting her in the car she asked why I never told them told her I didn't know because I was only 4 her reply was your dad would of killed him no word of how she felt about it ever. I tried to be what they wanted was never good enough though was I.

Of course I do but still niggles deep down IYSWIM.

What do you mean when you say you were "never good enough" dotty?

Grr, I'm really fuming they've made you feel that way, they are easing the blame on themselves by implying you were responsible. You were not responsible in any at all.

Am too angry to post anything sensible.

Cailin I was a daughter so taught to sew, cook and clean a womans place was in the home suppose I've attained that not through choice but through having a disabled son. Years ago I was actually told by him that the worst thing I did was learn to drive as I could do what I wanted when I wanted.

Told by who dotty? Your father?

Yes my mum never went anywhere without him or his approval never had her own money not even a pension remember on one occasion she found a fiver in her purse and he demanded to know where she got it from. She never even had the child benefit he did.

My ex was like that, and he expected me to pay all the bills, with nothing.

My family like me to be dependent on them too but I can't get myself out of relative poverty so keep giving them ammunition to belittle me.

Was always told I'd never be good enough to marry so no point teaching me cooking or sewing, I never made the grade. Just annoyed I'm proving them right.

Yes Olympic but you got out and didn't see him through rose tinted glasses or treat him like a god did you? She still talks about him as if he was perfect and talks about IT the same way not normal IMHO.

TBH it was just basic cooking at home everything had to be to my dads liking [mush] my mum started to learn new foods and tastes after he had died she'd never had pasta apart from macaroni shouldn't miss her but hey ho thats life isn't it.

It sounds like your father was quite abusive towards your mother dotty, is that fair to say?

Emotionally yes but he still doesn't see it her answer to things is he never lifted his hand towards her no and so he shouldn't off.
She's just as bad Cailin she was complacent in watching him chase her daughters away with the way he treated us BUT I still say it wasn't as bad as what some went through.

I'm still curious about why you compare it to what others went through dotty?

Why do you say your life is fucked up Olympic?

Cailin can't answer that as I don't know just something I've always done.