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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 2

996 replies

CailinDana · 27/03/2012 14:40

The original thread is here

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

Some useful links from the previous thread:

Samaritans
National Association for People Abused in Childhood
Rape Crisis
Pandoras, a chat room for survivors and their families, American based
Mosac, for non abusing parents and carers, London based
Women against rape self help guide to court

OP posts:
jasminerice · 27/03/2012 14:50

Thankyou for starting the new thread CD. I felt a bit panicky in case I couldn't find it.

CailinDana · 27/03/2012 14:52

Oops sorry Jasmine, I should have linked. I just added a link to the old thread now.

OP posts:
jasminerice · 27/03/2012 14:59

It's ok, I panic easily, occupational hazard of being a survivor I guess.

PlinkPasta · 27/03/2012 15:02

Hi, thanks, I found it from the link.

Cailin, I do have a book on the go atm, completely fictional, zombieish, but I'm stuck on the "love" element as I have no experience of it and the "horror" element as it flashbacks.

garlicbutter · 27/03/2012 15:05

hello :)

JaneDoeDoeJaneJaneDoe · 27/03/2012 15:08

Hello everyone - and thanks for letting me share your thread - it feels good to not feel so alone.

KarmaK · 27/03/2012 15:21

Has anyone had any luck with Bach Flower Essences? I find a couple of them useful for alleviating fear and panic

PlinkPasta · 27/03/2012 15:30

I do aromatherapy and herbal teas, couldn't get into Bach, grow my own herbal plants for remedies, is Bach good?

JaneDoeDoeJaneJaneDoe · 27/03/2012 15:35

I use geranium oil in day and lavender at night - I do notice a difference if I don't burn them although dh thinks its psychological.

I've tried rescue remedy - vote still out.

I've tried various sleeping tablets herbal and prescription - I hate the way they make me feel.

I'd like to add - there are good men out there - my dh is one such man - he has never let me dOwn and is absolutely my rock. Without him I would never have moved from victim to survivor. He is there every step of the way forball of us - despite his own pain.

PlinkPasta · 27/03/2012 15:44

All my plants are legal ones I might add, aloe, marigold, sage, mint etc, my cooking has drastically improved.

Has anyone had problems with dental treatment? I find it incredibly traumatic and don't often go. I have looked into going to one specialising in nervous patients and found a survivor had written a help guide which explained things brilliantly but I feel too embarrassed to discuss it with the dentist.

CailinDana · 27/03/2012 15:50

My dad is very into homeopathy and massage and has tried to foist it upon me many times. I don't have any problem with them per se I just resent it a lot when someone doesn't listen to what I say and then expects me to follow their advice no matter how little I think it will help me. I did explain this to him and I think it sank in a little bit.

Other than that all I've had was anti depressants which were very helpful when I needed them.

OP posts:
ToxicToria · 27/03/2012 16:31

Not posted for a few days but still following, thanks for the new thread Cailin Smile

CailinDana · 27/03/2012 16:40

Good to hear from you Toria. I hope you're doing ok.

OP posts:
oikopolis · 27/03/2012 16:53

hello dearies. the last thread grew at such a rate that i lost track of where i was!! and who i was talking to/with.

am in a different time zone so frequently get behind. apologies to anyone i've inadvertently ignored.

PlinkPasta · 27/03/2012 17:04

Found the article for survivors with dental fear. It was uncomfortable to read though as it hit the nail on the head. dentalfear

Did find an article elsewhere which says dissociation doesn't exist!

PlinkPasta · 27/03/2012 17:13

ok, was a discredited article.

PlinkPasta · 27/03/2012 18:47

Hi Toria, Jasmine, Oikop and Jane

Karma, looks interesting, very much like inner child therapy.

KarmaK · 27/03/2012 19:07

I had it done just a few weeks ago Plink. It was bloody amazing.

ToxicToria · 27/03/2012 19:25

Hi everybody, yes I'm doing ok Cailin. I hope you and everyone else is too

TheMistsOfAvalon · 27/03/2012 19:35

Can I join? I'd like to know how you cope if you still find yourself thinking about your abuser almost everyday, even though you haven't seen them for a decade. This is what I'm going through, and I cannot tell anyone, as very few people know and I'm afraid they'll think I am weird. Lately in the last year or so I have had an almost overwhelming desire to find my abuser - what for I don't know but I keep on thinking about him and wanting to talk to him. I suspect he's no longer living in this country and actually this makes it worse.

I think I am finally losing it. Help.

CailinDana · 27/03/2012 20:22

Of course you can join Avalon. Sorry to hear you're having such a rough time at the moment. Do you know what prompted you to start thinking about it all again?

OP posts:
PlinkPasta · 27/03/2012 21:03

Hi Avalon

KarmaK · 27/03/2012 21:37

There's one thing about my therapy sessions that's niggling me. Would this bother you? Well, two little things.

The counselor herself is qualified etc and I chose her because she is local to me and only charges £30 per session (that's as cheap as it gets in London). She works out of a therapy room in her home. During sessions I almost always hear her husband pottering around in the room next door. The walls are thin enough that I hear him coughing or putting plugs into sockets etc - so that surely means that he can hear everything I am saying in the therapy room, all those intimate details about my life.

Secondly, the therapist said right at the start that she's not really experienced in counselling sexual abuse survivors. She said "we'll see how we get on". This was 4 months or so ago when we started. She has been helpful in some areas like my lack of self esteem. But she seems really unwilling to talk about sex. When men, relationships, sexual issues come up she tends to ask me whether I even truly want or need a relationship. I feel like talking explicitly about sexual abuse or even about sex - is somehow taboo with her.

Should therapy be a space where I can talk about anything that comes up? Would it bother you that hubby is in the room next door??

garlicbutter · 27/03/2012 22:00

My experience was that I moved on from some counsellors, Karma. I couldn't tell you whether they were unsuited to that particular stage in my process or I felt reluctant to alter the basis of our sessions to date. It doesn't matter. You owe your therapist nothing except her fee and a willingness to engage. If you and she have run your course, fair enough, find someone else.

I hated the 'induction' phase of starting with a new counsellor, but got better at it over time so can do it in half a session now. Also, I did push one therapist to listen to me about sex and womanly things such as periods and ovaries. At the time, I felt he was a little overbearing and should be told off for his lack of understanding of a female point of view. Now, I suspect I needed to force my (female) point of view on a man (any man). Again, it doesn't matter - it was all about my process; that's what I paid him for :)

Hope this has made some sense; it's the first time I've posted on the subject!