Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

I need a kick up the arse still not moved no motivation need to go shopping etc DS been off 6 days and has emptied my cupbiards and fridge. Also got house to do lazy cow.

I have a ton of things to do but I'm also doing zilch dotty. Motivation is a big problem for me.

10 minute bursts are the only way I can do housework dotty. we always had to clean the house every saturday morning without fail, or reward, she was obsessed with having a clean house. now i see why I'm happy to leave stuff on the floor occasionally, i just dont ever want my home to be like hers was.

sorry, morning all. am in a strange mood today. busy with DCs from an early hour, weather awful, just baffled at rudeness of strangers etc. same old rant here

Want to talk about it getup?

Not even motivated to get up today first week of holidays as well.

Me too - I can sit there for hours contemplating cooking - by the time I realise it - dh is home and he is doing it.

I feel terrible - he says not to worry all he cares about is that one day I recover and in the mean time the DCs are ok.

He works full time, does nearly all the cooking and shopping, helps tidy, walks dog, puts DCs to bed.

I just look after DCs in day. Period. And look after their clothes and toys.

I agonise about things far too much, it paralyses me. I've decided I'm going to that toddler group this afternoon even if I have to put DS sleeping into the buggy. I'm sick of being hostage to his rubbish napping. I need to get out of the house.

you do loads Whydo, looking after kids is manic during the day, take it easy. i used to have to make it to lunchtime, give myself a pat on the back, then make it to 3pm, cup of tea and biscuit, another pat on back, breathe, make it to teatime, chocolate for me, pat on back, bedtime routine, etc

it is bloody hard work

cailin, thanks, dont know how to put it in words iyswim. I get really disappointed with normal life things, if someone is rude, or ignores me when I say good morning it upsets me, rather than me just shrugging it off, I ruminate and wonder what ton earth I've done now

wish I could just have an empty head, devoid of ridiculous rants about things I cant do anything about anyhow

whydo-also, i know well that feeling of just wanting to sit still, i could sit still for hours, no motivation etc what is the point. which is why having dcs has forced me to get out and about more. otherwise I'd be a hermit. not agoraphobic as such but just no interest in doing anything outside of my safety zone at home

cailin, good on you. coffee somewhere and a sticky cake should help

I'd be a hermit. not agoraphobic as such but just no interest in doing anything outside of my safety zone at home

Oh thats me, I use mild agraphobia to describe it, but Im not scared (I dont like seeing people, I freeze like a rabbit in headlights if someone says a simple "how are you"), I just have no interest at all in going out.

For ages I just stayed in my room, but that wasnt fair on DCs, at least now we venture downstairs, mostly, today, I have brought loads of toys upstairs and am just chilling on my bed.

DH is my rock, without him, I wouldnt go anywhere at all. He is so gentle and encouraging. When all of this is over, I will retell the full story, he really is amazing.

Cailin thats me, I just think about doing stuff, I never do it, although I did tell myself yesterday I had to sort just one room, and I did, it took all day and half the evening on and off and I did get there, so this afternoon, I will do another one.

have you seen this here no-charges-father-killed-rapist

looks like the texans have sense

That poor father. I think they absolutely made the right decision not to charge him, why would they? That father reacted any loving parent should and now he'll have to live with the fact that he killed someone. Admittedly he did the world a huge favour by the killing that piece of shit but still it will be a horrendous thing to come to terms with along with what happened to his poor daughter. He has done his daughter a huge favour. It is a horrible thing to be raped like that but the fact that her own father defended her like that will go a long way to coming to terms with it in future.

I think it was a fantastic decision, poor girl, poor dad, thank god someone spotted him.

It still amazes me that there are people like that in the world. How, how how can someone take a tiny little five year old and destroy them like that? There must be something fundamentally evil about a person like that.

I'm off out in the rain, see you later :)

Suppose I'd better get up and get a shower fell back asleep I did and DH in his wisdom has posted on my fb wall that I'm still in bed.

Oh well I was 12 so should've know better. Fucking bunch of morons.

Sobbed my heart out last night reading that mans suicide note, I knew exactly what he meant, live how he lived except he was talented and has changed how we all live and still his words have been denied by the church, his pain unacknowledged and we all carry on like blind fucking rats letting kids be raped left right and centre but try and do anything and you're called a liar or pathetic or psycho or weird or ignored.

Ta x

Olympic 12 is still very much a child how they can say that but then again I was more or less told the same.

Hope that poor child gets all the help she needs and deserves

www.invisiblechildren.org/2011/01/08/child-sex-abuse-the-most-powerful-suicide-note-ever/

I read that about the Texas man, here they'd put him in jail. He did what he had to.

Wow Olympic that is just heartbreaking. Thanks for sharing the link.
12 is so young you were just a child, please be gentle with yourself.

Cailin, my parents reported it when I was 14 as they believed we were in a sexual relationship (they didn't know it was forced) I refused to say anything, because he threatened me, so he was let go.
A year later I went and reported it, they didn't seem to believe me, I guess because I had denied it before.
At 21, he attacked me for the last time, I went to the Police and because of the past relationship I had with him and because he attacked me in his house, they said it wouldn't stand up in court. They did go and warn him to leave me alone. I feel a huge amount of guilt for going to his house. I went to get him to leave me alone, he had stalked me for 6yrs and he said if I went to him and we talked, he'd leave me alone.

Chips, I'm so so sorry the police treated you that way and failed to protect you with the law, it's a disgrace that vulnerable children are left in the grip of sick abusers. You were failed and I'm so fucking for you. hugs offered.

I only got half way through that letter I couldn't read any more it was to

Powerful letter :(

How is everyone this evening? I've had a nice day :)

Fine here, very quiet in house tonight had a blow up with DD2 over BBM asked her to do her room before we go away on saturday told me she did and disappeared whilst I was out stil a shithole I stopped doing it about 6 weeks ago and its never been great since.