Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

How are you feeling about it? Do you think it will go to trial?

Hope it doesn't but he's an arrogant SOB who thinks he's done nothing wrong so think he'll force the trial.

Congratulations Cailin :)

Congrats cailin! Lovely news! Xx

Thanks guys :) just back from toddler group. Poor old DH knows what he's in for - I do pregnant in a moody, angry style

How are you doing Amitola and Offred?

It would be great if he pleads guilty dotty. Unlikely though, as you say.

Ok, lurking, feeling more normal but had a terrible dream/flashback on sat night that I am just over. Took some address books and letter writing kits to my friends who are moving away, just had a practice Skype.

Do you want to talk about the dream Offred?

He (DH) is adamant that's he's coming with me if it goes all the way told him I don't want him in the court room don't want him seeing my testomony, to ashamed of what I had to say.

I don't think I can really, I'm feeling ok today anyway!

Glad you're feeling ok Offred.

Dotty, I totally understand how you feel but I think long term it's really important to try to get over that shame. Your DH wants to support you and won't think any less of you from what he hears. What was his response when you said you didn't want him to come?

Told him why that I don't want him to see it I'm a fricking adult using them words shouldn't fill me with shame but it was describing the act of rape in graphic terms using anatomical words and what I was asked on top of it what he did or didn't do researched it a bit reason behind it all is to decide on aggravating circumstances also using an instrunent rather than full rape isn't as serious in the eyes of the law it is to me. My abuse is top of the scale sickens me as I've always tried to minimise it all as not serious as 'he cared for me'

He says he's with me all the way that my BIL and other sisters partner will be there and he will be to not giving me a choice says I need him to be there and he needs to be there.

:( dotty. I can imagine how hard it must be to face your DH hearing all that. On reflection I think if you really can't bear the thought of it then you're right to ask him not to come. I know how difficult it is to give details, especially of the really awful things.

Yes, I dont think you need to deal with that on top of everything else dotty. Does he not understand he'd be putting an extra burden on you not helping you?

Congratulations Cailin, that's wonderful news.

Dotty, I think you're right, it will be an unemotional, technical, literal experience although it will be emotional for you. Can you ask your dh to be there for you away from the court room iyswim.

Offred, hope you're ok?

My experience wasn't as bad as everyone elses but still had a very negative effect on my life so it annoys me when the law says it not bad especially when really bad things are minimised too. Who the fuck decides as it isn't victims

Congratulations Cailin, that's wonderful news.

Dotty, I think you're right, it will be an unemotional, technical, literal experience although it will be emotional for you. Can you ask your dh to be there for you away from the court room iyswim.

Offred, hope you're ok?

My experience wasn't as bad as everyone elses but still had a very negative effect on my life so it annoys me when the law says it not bad especially when really bad things are minimised too. Who the fuck decides as it isn't victims

Congratulations Cailin, that's wonderful news.

Dotty, I think you're right, it will be an unemotional, technical, literal experience although it will be emotional for you. Can you ask your dh to be there for you away from the court room iyswim.

Offred, hope you're ok?

My experience wasn't as bad as everyone elses but still had a very negative effect on my life so it annoys me when the law says it not bad especially when really bad things are minimised too. Who the fuck decides as it isn't victims

Congratulations Cailin, that's wonderful news.

Dotty, I think you're right, it will be an unemotional, technical, literal experience although it will be emotional for you. Can you ask your dh to be there for you away from the court room iyswim.

Offred, hope you're ok?

My experience wasn't as bad as everyone elses but still had a very negative effect on my life so it annoys me when the law says it not bad especially when really bad things are minimised too. Who the fuck decides as it isn't victims

sorry

Is your phone having a bit of a mad day NN? Thanks for all the congratulations :)

Today is a rather good day - I also just got offered a job. It's only 16 hours a month working from home, but it's a nice little bit of extra cash and it means I can look after DS at the same time. All good :)

How are you doing NN?

Wow Cailin, fantastic news, congratulations on the baby and on the job!

Dotty, I'm just starting to open up to my DH, but I don't think I ever want him to know all the details, I can fully understand you not wanting him there.

Offred, so sorry about the dream, but glad you are feeling better today.

NN how are you doing?

I'm exhausted and kinda down, I've been very open with my DH this weekend after counselling Friday, I feel like I'm facing a realisation when it comes to my guilt and while it seems to make me feel better in some ways, it opens up more hurt, more questions and more general ARGHness (a new word).

Thanks chips :)

Do you want to talk a bit about your guilt and how you're feeling?

DH knows the full story as much as I've remembered told him bits over the years and after first counselling it all came out but we have been together over 23 years anniversary later this wee. He has seen me crumble from a strong woman to quite broken told him I've never been so scared in my life.

I'm all over the place atm. Considering going back on ad's, I spent 2hrs yesterday crying in a bush, literally we had house guests and they started singing disablist songs, making rape comments, broke my lamp and spilt stuff on my exhibition photo's. I lost it and am so upset with ds. He's spent his entire life having both sides of the family slag me off and call me psycho and pathetic and hysterical and no one liking me so I'm not surprised he thinks little of me, just so gutted.

Sorry Natural the songs and rape comments would of had them out on their arses quick sharp