Support thread for survivors of childhood sexual abuse PART 7

[CailinDana]

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4
Part 5
Part 6

The purpose of these threads is to allow survivors of childhood sexual abuse, their partners, friends, or parents, to talk in a safe place about what they think and feel. Nothing is off limits or taboo, just say what you want to say.

You aren't pathetic dotty. I've had to start looking at the world in terms of what I am doing. I see getting up, getting dressed and getting DCs to school/pg as an achievement these days.

Sometimes I don't even manage that.

I have stopped beating myself up (so much) about all the things I think I should be doing.

Today I did the washing - so I pat myself on the back - because it's "extra".

*Olympic" I really empathise - a small child i didnt know smoothed my youngest shortly after disclosure - I literally wanted to drag it off screaming don't touch my DC - poor little thing - wasn't doing any harm was only a baby themselves - clearly I didn't do anything but god I wanted to.

Sorry whydo, xpost, hope things are a bit better.

Dotty, me too with the cycling, now I'm just paralysed with fear all the time. I hate it.

I couldn't cope with another dc, I don't mind hearing about others but put the reality infront of me and I'm more than happy with just the one, so sad really, hope I can manage gc's although they're a long way off and I'd be the dreaded mil.

Funny whydoi but I'd never heard the term disclosure until I did this.

Suppose I'm annoyed at myself as well if I'd gone the drs weeks ago like I was told it would of been healed now and I could of tried to go back swimming last time back in november I had a full blown panic attack in pool what caused me to go on citalopram but I reckon I was suffering from PTSD probably still am but not as severe.

Talking about more kids when I was sterilised when DD2 was 8 weeks old we discussed at length the ins and outs I fell pregnant on the pill when DS was 5 months old and didn't know DS was autistic thought we could get it reversed in about 10 years try again 5 years later had hysterectomy due to problems I'd had since the age of 12 you really don't know what's around the corner do you.

Was just out in the park with DS. I was hoping he'd go for another sleep when we got back as he still looks really tired but no luck. He's raiding the kitchen cupboards at the moment :)

Had a super busy day once I got my arse in gear cleaned all my food cupboards and fridge out very little actually in them now

How are you feeling dotty?

Not to bad as I said speaking to the dr really helped me a lot she did say I could actually go see her if I ever needed to offload way back in November but felt it would waste her time from people who where sick.

Glad you're not feeling too bad, and that your GP is helpful.

I've enjoyed having the house to myself but I'm looking forward to DH coming back later. I get to sleep till 7 tomorrow - luxury!

Maybe if DS it whacked he'll have a proper nights sleep for you Cailin

Can't say why - too identifying but the depths some people will sink to never cease to amaze me - I mean seriously - why would you go out of your way to make life more difficult for a family in our situation - when you know??

Everytime I think things are low - something else pops up.

Dh says if I let it get to me - they win and I know he is right - but ....

Dotty really glad seeing the doctor helped you.

Dotty, I probably wouldn't be here if the docs hadn't been so patient and understanding.

Cailin, bless he sounds lovely.

Why, cryptic so can only offer hugs

I'm really hoping DS gets a good sleep tonight, he needs it. He's been in good form today, bless him, but he just looks worn out.

He was very funny earlier - he banged his head so I made a "sadface" and he copied me but really exaggerated it so it was sort of an extreme catsbum mouth - it was absolutely hilarious. I burst out laughing and then he was in fits and kept doing it over and over. He is such a cutie - good thing or sometimes I'd happily sell him for a fiver!

It's hard not to let things get to you whydo - you feel what you feel and it's very hard to control it. The only thing you can do is think it through and hopefully reduces its significance.

Just marking my place and lurking.

Olympic I can't believe I actually told her I was contemplating ending it completely she asked me what had happened as I was doing extremely well [she and counseller where astounded at my progress] told her I'd done the impact statement and she's basically not surprised and said no rush to come off the AD's she did ask what dosage but said I was happy to stay on the dosage just not stop them like planned .

I'm really glad you told her dotty, it's so important to say everything so the doctor knows exactly how you're feeling.

Hope you're ok Offred.

Cailin still feel I'll be judged my girls and hers used to dance together but she's the only female dr that I've ever trusted in the practice she has always listened to any concerns and she knows me very well. [she can read me like a book so to speak]

Judged how dotty?

Stupid I know but I always came across as someone who never let things get to her and because of how it happened I know I was to young to know better but it's a niggling feeling in the back of my mind goes back to something my dad told me when I told them about what he'd done.

Hugs Offred.

Cailin, :o wait til he's 17 and sellotaping your ornaments together

Dotty, don't be worried about going back, they'd rather see you than not.

What did your dad tell you dotty?

How are you Olympic?

Cailin that I knew right from wrong at 12 didn't tell him that was when it stopped not started didn't know then how old I was still not 100% sure

Why do you think he said that to you dotty?

Dotty, the only person the doctor will judge is the abuser, you are being so very brave.

I saw the therapist today, she was, as always lovely, I really like her.