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Relationships

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Original poster

pros and cons of waiting to have sex?

38 replies

MitchieInge · 08/02/2012 13:15

not the extreme of until you're married, I mean like 3rd date or further - is each situation entirely different and handled accordingly or are there some generally applicable Good Things about delaying? If you are hoping to develop a longer term thing I mean.

posting and running but interested in everyone's thoughts, thanks

OP posts:

kodachrome · 08/02/2012 13:21

I've always done it as soon as I felt horny for him - I'm an instant gratification kind of woman. If he's the kind of guy who thinks less of you for shagging early on, he's not my kind of guy.

Original poster

MitchieInge · 08/02/2012 13:22

well that's what I think

then I think, maybe a bit more time to get him hooked so he isn't horrified by what's under my clothes - too thin, too fat, not what he was expecting (padded bra!)

ah poor me :)

OP posts:

LeoTheLateBloomer · 08/02/2012 13:27

Based on recent experience I completely surprised myself. I didn't think I'd want to go there in any hurry (and was very open with him about it) but as it turned out I was the one who couldn't wait and ended up dragging him upstairs suggesting it relatively early on.

We both think it's been a good thing for us because we don't have this 'thing' hovering over us and we're able to completely enjoy everything about each other with no inhibitions.

Turns out he's not fussed about my padded bra

Sazbrilla · 08/02/2012 20:28

I personally think that waiting is best I did it with my partner and my exs and I find they respect me for is but it's a personal choice I find x

AKissIsNotAContract · 08/02/2012 20:30

If I want a relationship Ive always waited until the third date, not because of what he would think, just to make sure he's not a dickhead.

If I just want a shag then first date/no date is fine.

motherinferior · 08/02/2012 20:31

I wouldn't want a relationship with a bloke who didn't respect me for shagging him on the first date, so shag asap on principle. A win-win situation; you get rid of the non-respecters, and get a shag.

motherinferior · 08/02/2012 20:32

Actually that is a post-hoc justification. I don't tend to think it is a date unless it involves sex, tbh.

xkittyx · 08/02/2012 20:35

Sazbrilla do you also respect them more for waiting or does it only work one way round?

EdithWeston · 08/02/2012 20:41

The enormous plus point is that it gives you more time to find out whether he's a total waste of space. Always harder to extricate once the deed is done.

kodachrome · 08/02/2012 20:55

I dunno, I've never had a problem dropping most men like stones after I've had my way with them.

Kayano · 08/02/2012 21:01

I made DH wait 3 months lol

I made my ex wait 6 lol.

I just want to be sure it's serious, that they are decent and reliable and that I love them

Sazbrilla · 08/02/2012 22:26

Kitty I respect them too. I think that it's always better to get to know someone first if wanting a relationship

NFTA · 08/02/2012 22:32

i had sex far earlier tahn I thought i would want to! No regrets at all. When it feels right it will be right.

Original poster

MitchieInge · 09/02/2012 15:15

ugh it's all difficult

why am I one extreme (within an hour of meeting) or the other ( celibate for months, or even a year almost, on end)?

OP posts:

WaitingForMe · 09/02/2012 16:07

ASAP, one of the most important things in a relationship for me is sex ergo it's an important and early part of getting to know them.

I also have no time for men who are so ignorant as to judge a woman on when she sleeps with them.

Original poster

MitchieInge · 09/02/2012 16:26

no, but do men really do that?

don't know why I'm asking, turned down someone for lunch and got called a prick tease AND a whore - clever of me to be both?

OP posts:

suburbophobe · 09/02/2012 16:33

Well, Mitchie, be glad he showed his true colours early on then!

to end up with someone like that.

PrimaBallerina · 09/02/2012 17:52

You've dodged a bullet there OP, what a tosser!

I've always waited for a few weeks at least. Mostly because it takes me a while to really fancy someone so I'd just know it would be rubbish if we did it too soon and I'd be too nervous to enjoy it.

DH stayed over a few times in my bed before we actually did it and I loved the kissing in bed in pants stuff. I'm sure it drove him half mad mind.

molly3478 · 09/02/2012 17:53

We did it within a week and a bit, engaged after 10 weeks, married ater a year and a half and we met at 18. If a man doesnt respect you/doesnt want you just because you had sex early on he is an idiot imo. Do what you want to do.

callitwhatyoulike · 09/02/2012 18:08

i doubt he would call you that just because you turned down lunch, sure there's more to this. shit that he said that though.

molly3478 · 09/02/2012 18:10

callitwhatyoulike - I can believe it some people cant take rejection. A man tried to dance with me in a club and I just said sorry Im married and he called me a bitch and a slut and tried to knock me off the stage

Original poster

MitchieInge · 09/02/2012 18:43

oh the prick tease/whore one was a freak in lots of ways, fancied him automatically (of course) but didn't meet him as potential date, our paths just crossed

but people on dating sites seem much more normal as far as I can tell so far, it's back to front, the Internet is supposed to be dangerous and your real life contacts moving around your social circles are supposed to be a safer bet

that's horrible molly, have had angry outbursts like that in pubs when I don't remember ever talking to or looking at them before - they just have it in their head that you are coming on to them or something?

OP posts:

mojitomania · 09/02/2012 18:48

When on the dating scene. My mantra if I fancied him was 3rd date. Never 1st or second. Mind you it did happen a couple of times due to sheer pissedness/horny desperation, but it wouldn't have worked anyway due to me feeling insecure. Always felt fine however after 3rd date for some reason.

kodachrome · 09/02/2012 18:52

I'm surprised that callit's never had the experience of being called names for turning someone down. Usually it's 'lesbian' or 'bitch' or something like that - amazing how you go from being so sexy to a dog in a blink of an eye.

mojitomania · 09/02/2012 18:57

Mind you tart head on if he was rather decent and I hadn't had a bit for a while I'd go for it and not give a damn. So to summerise I guess I'd make the ones I liked wait, the others I'd rip the pants off if I wanted

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