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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

pros and cons of waiting to have sex?

38 replies

MitchieInge · 08/02/2012 13:15

not the extreme of until you're married, I mean like 3rd date or further - is each situation entirely different and handled accordingly or are there some generally applicable Good Things about delaying? If you are hoping to develop a longer term thing I mean.

posting and running but interested in everyone's thoughts, thanks

OP posts:

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ElusiveCamel · 09/02/2012 22:29

Boyfriend before H had slept with 3 women before and had to be sure he was in love with someone before having sex with them. Took 6 weeks of doing everything but all the time. God, it was frustrating. But hot. Oh my. He had unbelieveable self-control though.

Most recent person, I tried to make him wait for the build-up and anticipation, but we failed miserably (or not very miserably at all ) on second date.

MitchieInge · 09/02/2012 21:54

stupid man

that's a coincidence, there was a hotel booked for lunch. Mr planes you say, not mr art gallery?

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SarahStratton · 09/02/2012 20:45

Took me to a spa for the next date, then expressly went against my wishes and booked an hotel for the weekend.

In Scotland.

I said no. He called me a pricktease, and slammed the phone down.

MarieLloyd · 09/02/2012 20:18

I always shagged men as soon as I felt like it - usual second or third date. I agree with the pp who said 'any man who judges you for early shagging is a twat'.

I didnt shag DH for 5 months, though . I really fancied him, and we kissed and 'did stuff' loads, but we both wanted to wait. No idea why. It just felt right.

Eventually we had a weekend away and spent 48 hours shagging

12 years later we are happily married, so perhaps the delayed shag tactic had some sort of effect?

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 09/02/2012 20:15

I don't think it matters!

adamschic · 09/02/2012 20:10

I would do the 3 date rule and only then if I really fancied him. Up to you really, depends if you want a one night stand or a romance. You might get both but lots of men still have double standards and do one after a quick s--g.

noluck · 09/02/2012 20:07

Well after having been on several dates (drinks, lunches, dinners, numerous texts, mails) ... we had the most fantastic sex I've ever had... No news since. I'm a late learner. Well at least I had the fantastic bit..,,

MitchieInge · 09/02/2012 20:04

what happened with mr planes? have not kept up though did lurk on one of your threads and think you met him in lincoln and it was nice?

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SarahStratton · 09/02/2012 20:00

Join the club.

I'm remembering you, MrPlanes.

MitchieInge · 09/02/2012 19:51

I do seem to have a special gift for bringing the nutter out of the otherwise respectable, professional higher rate tax payer though and those in other tax brackets come to think of it

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molly3478 · 09/02/2012 19:42

exactly mitchieinge dont ever think its you if they call you names unprovoked I think there are just some nutters out there!

MitchieInge · 09/02/2012 19:13

haha the only bit I'm actually not is a lesbian

no, refuse to be flat chested. Look, they are not flat, am sticking them out.

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JuliaScurr · 09/02/2012 19:05

Mitchiest @ 16.26 are you also a hairy legged, flat-chested, man-hating, ugly lesbian? No? Not trying hard enough, are you?

mojitomania · 09/02/2012 18:57

Mind you tart head on if he was rather decent and I hadn't had a bit for a while I'd go for it and not give a damn. So to summerise I guess I'd make the ones I liked wait, the others I'd rip the pants off if I wanted

kodachrome · 09/02/2012 18:52

I'm surprised that callit's never had the experience of being called names for turning someone down. Usually it's 'lesbian' or 'bitch' or something like that - amazing how you go from being so sexy to a dog in a blink of an eye.

mojitomania · 09/02/2012 18:48

When on the dating scene. My mantra if I fancied him was 3rd date. Never 1st or second. Mind you it did happen a couple of times due to sheer pissedness/horny desperation, but it wouldn't have worked anyway due to me feeling insecure. Always felt fine however after 3rd date for some reason.

MitchieInge · 09/02/2012 18:43

oh the prick tease/whore one was a freak in lots of ways, fancied him automatically (of course) but didn't meet him as potential date, our paths just crossed

but people on dating sites seem much more normal as far as I can tell so far, it's back to front, the Internet is supposed to be dangerous and your real life contacts moving around your social circles are supposed to be a safer bet

that's horrible molly, have had angry outbursts like that in pubs when I don't remember ever talking to or looking at them before - they just have it in their head that you are coming on to them or something?

OP posts:

molly3478 · 09/02/2012 18:10

callitwhatyoulike - I can believe it some people cant take rejection. A man tried to dance with me in a club and I just said sorry Im married and he called me a bitch and a slut and tried to knock me off the stage

callitwhatyoulike · 09/02/2012 18:08

i doubt he would call you that just because you turned down lunch, sure there's more to this. shit that he said that though.

molly3478 · 09/02/2012 17:53

We did it within a week and a bit, engaged after 10 weeks, married ater a year and a half and we met at 18. If a man doesnt respect you/doesnt want you just because you had sex early on he is an idiot imo. Do what you want to do.

PrimaBallerina · 09/02/2012 17:52

You've dodged a bullet there OP, what a tosser!

I've always waited for a few weeks at least. Mostly because it takes me a while to really fancy someone so I'd just know it would be rubbish if we did it too soon and I'd be too nervous to enjoy it.

DH stayed over a few times in my bed before we actually did it and I loved the kissing in bed in pants stuff. I'm sure it drove him half mad mind.

suburbophobe · 09/02/2012 16:33

Well, Mitchie, be glad he showed his true colours early on then!

to end up with someone like that.

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MitchieInge · 09/02/2012 16:26

no, but do men really do that?

don't know why I'm asking, turned down someone for lunch and got called a prick tease AND a whore - clever of me to be both?

OP posts:

WaitingForMe · 09/02/2012 16:07

ASAP, one of the most important things in a relationship for me is sex ergo it's an important and early part of getting to know them.

I also have no time for men who are so ignorant as to judge a woman on when she sleeps with them.

MitchieInge · 09/02/2012 15:15

ugh it's all difficult

why am I one extreme (within an hour of meeting) or the other ( celibate for months, or even a year almost, on end)?

OP posts:

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