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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

'I love you but I'm not in love with you' (previous thread) what happened next

76 replies

MardyPants · 18/12/2011 21:35

Previously posted with 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' thread and approx 100% of you said my DH was having an affair.

100% of you were right.

I found out today.

She is a serial homewrecker, as far as I am aware she has never had a partner who wasn't married to someone else when she met them! She doesn't keep the men all that long once she's got them, just ruins their lives and everyone's around them, then (probably) gets bored and moves on to the next.

Am almost feeling sorry for my DH now, landing himself with a bitch like that. Soon as she takes a fancy to someone else's H he'll be dumped like a sack of shit.

Not feeling as sorry for him as I am feeling for myself though.

What to do now? Would love all the advice I can get as am not really capable right now of rational thought.

OP posts:
Dilligaf81 · 18/12/2011 21:37

Im so sorry thinking and knowing are 2 very different things.

Has he left ?

What do you want to do ?

hevak · 18/12/2011 21:39

I remember your other thread, but didn't post. So sorry for you :(

Sometimes it's better to know, than to wonder - IMO anyway.

How do you feel? (stupid question really)

Has he left? Have you (or he) made any decisions?

LEttletownofBOFlehem · 18/12/2011 21:40

Sorry, Mardypants Xmas Sad

Original poster
MardyPants · 18/12/2011 21:42

He's been mostly staying out but not officially left. He has some stuff still here.

I want to scream cry smash things and do violence. i just don't know. I just don't want to be going through this, that's all. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
MardyPants · 18/12/2011 21:46

This changes everything, previously I was convinced it was just a bit of a phase he was going through like a little midlife crisis and he'd snap out of it and it'd all be back to normal! So now I'm in total shock.

Oh he doesn't know yet that I have found out Wink Am just doing thinking about what to do, for now.

OP posts:
GoingForGoalWeight · 18/12/2011 21:52

((Mardy))

So sorry :(

How did you find out about OW? How do you plan to confront him?

Do you have DC?

hevak · 18/12/2011 21:54

How did you find out? You don't need to say, but I'm wondering if you can keep proof (eg. screenshots, print out emails etc). Sadly that may come in handy in the future...

He's an idiot by the way and he doesn't deserve you.

Original poster
MardyPants · 18/12/2011 22:12

No kids. No proof as such. Not confronting him yet as I want to see what lies he will tell me before he finds out I know?

I found out from her DH, who is sadly in much the same state i am.

His (my DH) car was parked outside her house today.

Not confronting him til I have seen it parked there at like 4am or similar.

OP posts:
izzywhizzysmincepies · 18/12/2011 22:12

I once had a friend with a penchant for married men who cut a huge swathe through London society. The more the wives tried to cling on to their adulterous husbands, the more my friend enjoyed the challenge and gloated over the spoils of war.

Once she'd got the guy's balls hanging from her bedpost head on a platter, she rapidy lost interest and it was on to the next victim.

Pack what remains of his stuff in jolly Christmas sacks and when he returns, stick a bow on his head and send him off to the OW with the compliments of the season.

If you can bring yourself to act with ruthless detachment - think cold-hearted ice queen - and send him packing now, I suspect that his affair will not last much longer than the remainder of this year.

As you stick your foot up his arse guide him your front door, smile sweetly and say you are immensely relieved that he's found true love elsewhere as there's someone who's been coming on to you for a while and you can now look forward to a snog and possibly more under the mistletoe without need for a guilty conscience.

AFTER he's left is when you scream, cry, punch a cushion to death, and then come back here with your dignity intact to consider your options.

Original poster
MardyPants · 18/12/2011 22:16

I'll stick a bow on his dick

OP posts:
Original poster
MardyPants · 18/12/2011 22:17

Obviously, IWmincepies, by 'stick' I mean 'staple'

OP posts:
hevak · 18/12/2011 22:18

Sounds like a good idea! Grin

Original poster
MardyPants · 18/12/2011 22:24

*weld

OP posts:
GossipWitch · 18/12/2011 22:26

Oh mardypants I am soo sorry, at least you now know the truth and you can plan your revenge next plan of action and put it in place ... by the way, when I found out exh was cheating on me, I put pepper in his boxers, he thought he had syphilis for 3 weeks Xmas Grin

Original poster
MardyPants · 18/12/2011 22:30

I really need a battle plan. What to do first, how to approach him / them, what to say, how to stop myself being some hysterical weeping crying pathetic wronged wife. OMG if bad thoughts could kill.

OP posts:
trulyscrumptious43 · 18/12/2011 22:42

Xmas Grin pepper in his boxers

Luminescence · 18/12/2011 22:52

Itching powder would work too.

Sudaname · 18/12/2011 22:58

Yes there are some predatory women(and men obv.) out there who seem to get a kick out of bagging someone married or attached. Its like these types have to prove themselves irresistable or something and therefore 'better' than the 'competition' (i.e.the spouse or partner). I dont agree tbh though that anyone can 'steal' another person - the other person has to be up for it on some level. Sorry OP dont want to add to your distress by saying that but it is just as much your DHs fault - if not more so - than hers. We had a local woman who had a penchant for other womens DHs /partners - had a fair few blatant unsuccessful pops at my DH . She even tried to get my DH and his friend (also married) to go on somewhere as a foursome with her likeminded friend (me and the other DW were present in same room). It was quite amusing tbh as the ball bounced completely over our two DHs heads - they just thought these women were having a laugh - a bit mad etc - and just said a bemused but firm 'No'. But its not funny when they are successful obviously and causes a lot of hurt. Do not feel sorry for your DH OP - you are being far too nice - l think you need to get a bit vexed at your treatment by these two. People should at least have the respect and decency to finish one relationship before embarking on another or let their 'target' do so.

hevak · 18/12/2011 22:59

See a solicitor, so the first thing he knows about it is when he gets served papers for divorce, on the grounds of adultery? Revenge is a dish best served cold and all that?

Or confront him and tell him you need a 5 star all expenses paid fancy 4 week long, paid on his credit card time away from him to process your thoughts? and put pepper in his pants before you go

Original poster
MardyPants · 18/12/2011 23:12

I'll just grab the pepper and do my worstest on the way up to bed. Will update as soon as I have any more news.

OP posts:
Original poster
MardyPants · 18/12/2011 23:13

Stupid question time? Is it just ground black pepper I should use? Or chilli powder??

OP posts:
hevak · 18/12/2011 23:23

Both? Just to be safe? Grin

Hope you sleep okay.

eandz · 18/12/2011 23:26

ugh! I'm sorry to be reading this.

Okay, I agree with the keeping quiet till you know what you want to do. I also love the idea of the pepper.

wait, are you guys still sleeping in the same room?

eandz · 18/12/2011 23:27

Oh, and I want to know all about the conversation you had with the OW's Dh.

Is he sticking with her? Why? What did he tell you? He's okay with your H being in his house?

GoingForGoalWeight · 18/12/2011 23:32

The least you can do Mardy is make him his favourite dinner before you kick his arse out? I think a nice dog poo pie is most apt :)