'I love you but I'm not in love with you' (previous thread) what happened next

[MardyPants]

Previously posted with 'I love you but I'm not in love with you' thread and approx 100% of you said my DH was having an affair.

100% of you were right.

I found out today.

She is a serial homewrecker, as far as I am aware she has never had a partner who wasn't married to someone else when she met them! She doesn't keep the men all that long once she's got them, just ruins their lives and everyone's around them, then (probably) gets bored and moves on to the next.

Am almost feeling sorry for my DH now, landing himself with a bitch like that. Soon as she takes a fancy to someone else's H he'll be dumped like a sack of shit.

Not feeling as sorry for him as I am feeling for myself though.

What to do now? Would love all the advice I can get as am not really capable right now of rational thought.

You need to be more subtle than dog poo. I'd use dog food instead myself. I wonder if her ardour will cool when he turns up with some bags and a solicitors letter?

So sorry to hear this but not surprised.
So happy you have MN to come and talk to to help you through this and support you all the way.
p.s When I got dumped once, I put chili pepper in his pillow case.
Oh, I also spat in his milk, and cut almost all the way through the thong bit on his flip-flop so that it would break en route somewhere.
Oh, and after his mother bought him a boat - I worked hard for mine - I used to send fake crew emails and have him spend heaps of money using expensive internet connections in far off places like Bora Bora contacting and replying to these potential crew who didn't really exist.

I got over the revenge eventually.
I was glad we were over, I just wanted revenge for him having been a dick.
What fun it was, too!
Especially the day he waited for three days on a beach he'd rather have left for two 'Australians' to turn up.
Bwhahahahahahahaah.

eandz No he's not living here, he has stuff still here though. I realise now, as the OW lives quite far away, he has been staying here when he wants to go out with his mates, the rest of the time he's at hers!! I thought my DH was being v reasonable about all this, once he knows I know though, I think things are going to get very messy very quickly!

She dumped / threw out her DH about 4 days after I got the 'I love you but...' bollocks (obviously waited til my DH had dropped his bombshell first). Her DH left straight away, he says she is the kind of person that if he had insisted on staying in the house, she'd be ringing the police on him saying he was being violent.

Her DH is fuming with her and my DH. As am I!

Gutted for you Mardy -read your other thread. Sounds like your h and ow are made for each other. He didn't even have the guts to be honest with you. Get angry. Get some legal advice. Good luck x

I'm very vindictive, so this is what I would do & is no way a recommendation that you should do the same:

Dump all his belongings in a bin bag on the street
Change the locks
Find a way of telling the world what a skanky whore she is
Find a way of telling the world what an impotent small dick freak he is (with a penchant for dressing up in women's clothes)
Do it with a smile on my face
Cry in private
Mourn the loss of my relationship
Move the fuck on!!!

Good riddance to bad rubbish

Many hugsXXX shit time of the year but you WILL get over it, look back and think what a lucky escape you had not spending your life with a tosser.

I'm so sorry MardyPants. I read your thread, and sadly agreed with others.

Go and see a Solicitor pronto. Knowledge is power, get the bastard on the back foot.

Sounds like you and her DH could cook up something very nice together - not as a couple but as partners in crime .
Do the binbags now. Outside door. With very liberal sprinkling of chilli pepper. Tell him you have seen a solicitor (or at least made an appointment).
Then cool as a cucumber. He has made his bed and will have to lie in it with OW. They may have a nice christmas together, but the new year is not going to be a walk in the park.

So sorry - remember its all about him and his issues.

The OW's DH may tell them you now know so I would move quickly if you can.

pepper goes on the colour of pants, red=chilli or cayenne, white= white pepper and grey/black=black pepper, and make sure its ground, suspicion may arise if whole peppercorns or chilli seeds are found in supposedly clean boxers

I also used to turn the toaster right up so he'd burn his toast, ensure the kettle was always empty when he wanted a drink, turn food that he was cooking up or down. my stepdad poured diesel all over his clothes and I pulled all the tape out of his videos or crumpled it to chew up when he did watch them, I also scratched his beloved cds and games but only ever so slightly at one part whilst ensuring it was deep i love revenge.

OW's DH has kindly agreed to hold back on telling them I know until I am ready. We are keeping in touch. Team Dumped! In a weird way it makes it kind of easier to have a bit of support from someone who knows exactly how I feel. We're kind of feeling and thinking the same things right now, I don't know anyone else who is currently going through this sort of thing, he is the only person I can speak to and not worry the other person is thinking I'm a failure wife or something. Is super weird though as I had never met him before, and we've been thrown together by this shitty situation.

Hmm well don't end up shagging him, Mardy.

Sorry for your situation. I did not post on other thread but agreed with all the others. How I wish I had had Mumsnet when my EX did this to me.

Walk away OP as the only person who will get hurt is you. She is nothing to you and he will claim that 'emotions' got in the way.

You will never find out the truth from him re: first date, first sex etc etc so DO NOT TORTURE yourself.

Be very careful what you say to her husband and what you confide - if they patch things up she could find out an awful lot about you.

Get a lawyer, pack his bags, do not dig for information or confront her or phone her or go round her house or anything.

Talk low, talk slow and don't say too much. They have everything to gain from any loss of control you may show.

Revenge is short term feeling - keep the moral high ground, believe me it feels so fucking good when you get your moment to look down at him with contempt and he has nothing to throw back at you.

If they are in love (sorry OP) they will protect and defend that love at any cost - and you will be the one to pay.

There are too many threads on MN about 'weird' 'controlling' manipulative' ex wives from the new girlfriend's POV and when things like this happen all you do is prove the lying bastard DH's point.

Stay cool.

But what I did do once though was this, he was over on a visit shortly after he had moved out. He came and hugged me when I was crying and I asked;

"Please just make love with me one more time" he said "Of course darling".

I pushed him away and said;

"Well that is your loyalty to her well and truly tested and you failed".

His face was a picture

MardyPants

I'm sorry you are going through this, I cannot say this enough; however I feel a little relieved that you are not alone in this particular situation and that OW's Dh was able to confirm and acknowledge the situation. Many people are never able to get confirmation like this. 

Anyway, I hope her exDp isn't weird and that he can keep this a secret long enough for you to decide on what you are going to do.

Any further ideas?

xx

i wouldn't go the vengeful route. For one thing do you really want to worry about being charged with causing criminal damage (by destroying property- a common act of vengeance) or causing unnecessary harm (say he gets a bad reaction to pepper) but far more importantly do you want to be that sort of woman? Not taking revenge is being his superior and that's far better than getting even, and how can the above suggestions even come close to getting even? This relationship will most likely falter. He will have terrible regrets and the more integrity you have behaved with the more likely he is to feel he has made the worst mistake of his life. That's when you have a choice. If he comes grovelling back you can either turn him down or take him back (on your terms). Either way you win as you will have behaved well, you will have no need to ever feel shame and can hold your head up high . He will have to live with deep remorse. He is hardly likely to feel he made the wrong decisions if you start acting like a vengeful ex from hell.
In the meantime I'd see a solicitor just to know where you stand legally . Pack his stuff up and tell him to collect it. Cry with your friends/family and see a counsellor (Relate) ,if you can afford it, for a few sessions of emergency help.

So sorry for you OP. I would end it as soon as possible. I couldn't bear being near him knowing what you know.

However, you say the OW has form for this (and i agree with the other poster that it is your H who has behaved badly towards you, not her) so is her H one of her previously married conquests too?

I am the best :o

He's just been and admitted everything - but only because OW's DH has found out and he wanted to tell me first instead of him (oops). I made him take his stuff and leave his keys (he was reluctant).

Then I laughed in his face and told him that when it all goes wrong with his skanky serial homewrecking conniver to give me a ring and let me know. He was like, she's not like that, she's lovely. I was like, bet her DH said that once too, good luck, I think you deserve each other.

Bye fucko!!!

Good riddance to him.

Well done Mardy - that must have been really hard, but you have maintained the moral high ground where you are entitled to be.

Just keep reminding yourself that this hurt you are feeling will pass and you can eventually move on and find someone who is worthy - he is just going to have a few months of whatever with her and then be out on his ear.

You still have your home and life - he is giving up everything for what will be a short term thrill. What a loser he is!

Yay!

Good riddance to fucko and the skank.

Sounds like a match made in hell

So lovely she's helping a man wreck his family - such a true friend to him too to do that.

Remember Mardy most men affair downwards - it's not you it's him. Get some legal advice, go to relate/counselling by yourself to process your feelings etc. and try and remain as dignified as possible.

Sometimes they come to their senses, mine did after 6 weeks of living with ow, moved into his mum's after that but we gig back together again - that was nearly 3 yrs ago now.

Take care and keep strong, you are doing very well.

Hope Christmas is miserable for both of them!

Good riddance indeed! Do you have mates/ family lined up, Mardy?

Gossipwitch..you gave me my first chuckle of the day.
He he he he he.

So sorry to read this. I remember your thread and its just all so bloody predictable, isn't it?? What an arse.

Well done for the confrontation. I echo the advise about going to a solicitor asap. Get yourself a Shit Hot Lawyer!!

You may not know anyone else who has been through this in RL, but trust me, there's a depressingly large number of us who have absolutely been there and know exactly what you are going through.