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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

just found images of porn on dp screenname

81 replies

sheepgomeep · 04/01/2006 22:01

I'm shaking so much I can barely type so apologies if this seems incoherent.

I've just gone on to my dp screenname only to find he's been looking at adult porn when I'm not here.

I hate this sort of stuff. A couple of months ago I found the same stuff on his phone, images and images of stuff, women having sex lesbians and stuff. He's stopped it on his phone but now does it on the internet.

He's made me feel awful. I've got some issues about myself anyway.. I've got vitilgo which is where I'm losing all the pigment in my skin and I don't have a lot of self confidence.

Well I have even less now. Am I really so fat and ugly that he has to look at images of porn to get his kicks. I bet when we have sex he's fantasing about these women instead of me

If there is any men out there who could give thier input I'd be grateful

This has really upset me

OP posts:
gravity · 05/01/2006 10:20

must dash to a site meeting at moment - BUT when i return wanna pry more into your head misdee. would love to be cool and not so insecure on the good 'ole porn issue!!

NomDePlume · 05/01/2006 10:20
Smile
misdee · 05/01/2006 10:21

my head is a no-go zone, its sick and twisted.........

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 05/01/2006 10:37

gravity you are right it would be nice if men could understand why women don't like it and feel insecure about it.

Misdee I wish I could be as secure as you but I dont think I will be

I asked my dp how would he feel if the shoe was on on the other foot and I was downloading pictures of mens willies and peolple having sex and he said he wouldn't like it at all.

Double standards I think!

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 05/01/2006 11:05

Maybe you should all just lighten up and make smutty videos for your partners to carry around on their persons. Everyone's happy then, eh?

That's a joke, obviously...

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 05/01/2006 11:19

My dh looked at porn, so I replaced it with pictures of me Im not bothered about him looking at porn tbh - He loves me, He finds me attractive and I am able to participate instead of being some airbrushed, braindead bint in a magazine! I also like to point things out to him like "OMG they are soooo fake" He asks my permission to look at porn lol He has some magazines but the novelty wore of ages ago. He is very pleased with the pics we did though - Maybe you could try that?

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 05/01/2006 11:20

Hehe HD - Nothing wrong with that idea

HappyDaddy · 05/01/2006 11:29

I've got some videos but, like your dh, the novelty wore off a while ago. Might as well chuck them.
When dw is feeling confident and saucy enough she has sent me some pics to my mobile. Made my day when she did!!

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 05/01/2006 11:45

Maybe he likes looking at porn cause hes not 'allowed', it makes it naughty and more adventerous iyswim - MAybe if you said, fine go on then do what you like, the novelty would wear off?

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 05/01/2006 11:53

Well that did cross my mind tamba.. I went ballistic over the images he had on his mobile phone not only because of what they were but because he was spending loads of money. I think he went online because a it was free and because he thought i couldn't find out.

I'm so confused by it all

OP posts:
HappyDaddy · 05/01/2006 11:53

Maybe it's just cos he's a bloke?

misdee · 05/01/2006 12:02

i did send peter a pic of one of my boobs, just the one as i didnt have a wide enough lens to get them both in [snigger]

TambaTheDragonSlayer · 05/01/2006 12:02

lol misdee!

gravity · 05/01/2006 12:49

misdee! you have to set the timer don't you know!!! (oops! )

gravity · 05/01/2006 12:55

sheepgomeep - men?! they really are naughty little boys who like to see what they can get away with. right happydaddy?

i so know its hard not to take personal.

misdee · 05/01/2006 13:53

i dont have enough room to run back far enough to get both in even with a timer..........

gravity · 05/01/2006 14:04

um ah!!!!!! are you sure your not a porn star!!!!

misdee · 05/01/2006 14:12

i'd be a bad one if iwas.

fullmoonfiend · 05/01/2006 14:20

my dh has a pic of my bum on his phone - we took it a couple of years ago for a joke , with 'good luck' written accross the cheeks for a very good chums's stag do. I'm very (but very flattered and surprised) to find out that he still has the pic on his phone! I have no figure to speak of and not much self-confidence, so I have to admit, it made me feel very good to know that dh still likes to look!

sugarbaby · 05/01/2006 15:21

I think if I found porn on my dh's computer or phone, or porn magazines in the bedroom I would be somewhat upset and might feel as if he preferred to look at other women than at me, but I think that in time I would start to realize that all he is doing is looking, I'd rather he was at home looking at porn magazines and naked women on the net etc than out paying for sex from prostitutes. At least looking at these things at home I would know where he was, and that the only one he was getting sex from, was me.

bigmouth · 05/01/2006 16:02

i think you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel about porn and how you feel about yourself,

because i think he needs to help you to build your self confidence back up again.

but i dont think he's doing it delibrateley. i think he's curious.

but you should not be putting yourself down.

if he loves you and cares about you then i think he should stop what he doing and he should concentrate on you and him nothing or no-one else

onefootinthegravy · 06/01/2006 13:01

Hi, just joined, what a fab site!

Oh sheepgomeep, thanks for starting this up.

I have massive issues about my husband doing this, I know that it the problem is 90% mine, but I just can't get over it.

I have self esteem problems too and this just brings me down even more.

I know you are all right in what you say that all men do this , but it really makes me angry when he knows how I feel and still does this.

In every other way we have a great marriage, but I find myself checking the history on the computer all the time, to a point I'm becoming neurotic about it.

I know this is absolutely pathetic and I hate myself for it.

Its good to know that I am not the only one!

By the way does anyone know whether it is possible to view deleted history files?? Oh god I need to stop this!!!

notasheep · 06/01/2006 13:27

The point is trust,also my dp would be rather upset if i viewed black men,cant be one rule for one,one for the other!

We definately have major problems-thats on another thread,sex life is a disaster

Original poster
sheepgomeep · 06/01/2006 15:36

one foot in the gravy.. glad to see i'm not the only who feels like this.. its horrible isn't it.
No matter logically in your head that you knowrealistically most men will look at porn at some point in thier lives, emotionally it will still tear you up inside.

I'm checking my dp history as well although I know I shouldn't and I went through his mobile this afternoon to check. (there was nothing on there.

I know in some ways I got to accept it. I think tamba had a good idea.. look at it together so theres no secret and then maybe the novelty will wear off for him.

notasheep your right it is trust.. like your dp mine would be rather peed off if I was downloading porn. Double bloody standards.

OP posts:
onefootinthegravy · 06/01/2006 17:55

It the sneakyness of it really that hurts the most.

He knows I loath it and will only do it when I'm not around.

Before we lived together he worked away and so I knew it went on then, but now we share the house I have made it really clear I don't want it in the house.

Its more the trust thing I suppose, but it really P*sses me off that he can do something when he knows how much it hurts me.

He promised to stop it, then I found a stack of really vile porn dvds (which I smashed up!!!)We had another huge row and then a month ago I stumbled across the history on our computer (i'm a bit of a computer virgin so it took me a while) Found he'd been on sites again when I wasn't there.

I've found nothing since but think he's wiping the history!!

Just found out how to check the temporary files from another thread so will use that instead.

This will sound totally pathetic to those confident individuals out there, but when your not it can ruin you're relationship