just found images of porn on dp screenname

[sheepgomeep]

I'm shaking so much I can barely type so apologies if this seems incoherent.

I've just gone on to my dp screenname only to find he's been looking at adult porn when I'm not here.

I hate this sort of stuff. A couple of months ago I found the same stuff on his phone, images and images of stuff, women having sex lesbians and stuff. He's stopped it on his phone but now does it on the internet.

He's made me feel awful. I've got some issues about myself anyway.. I've got vitilgo which is where I'm losing all the pigment in my skin and I don't have a lot of self confidence.

Well I have even less now. Am I really so fat and ugly that he has to look at images of porn to get his kicks. I bet when we have sex he's fantasing about these women instead of me

If there is any men out there who could give thier input I'd be grateful

This has really upset me

Sheepgomeep

Please do not let this hurt you.

There is nothing wrong with porn, its not for everyone. you might not like it but your dp does and thats his business.

What turns him for a quick fix probably would disgust you and that is why they say to never share or tell your fantasties as they could shock people.

But porn like sexual fantasties are just for the mind, he would never realistically want to play them out for real or get turned on if he did.

I have some horrendous ones that I would never let out to my dh - they are just for me.

Men unlike women get turned on more by visual things - porn. We get more aroused by thought such as reading a saucy book but quite a few woman like porn too. I like porn but more soft not that hardcore weird stuff. Some of my friends who i thought would never be into that kind of thing shocked me when they told me that they reguarly use porn.

Your dp obviously knows you are not into it so is not involving you which is fair enough.

Its his own business and a small treat in life so you should let him be.

You can tell him to not look at porn because you dont like it. Thats unfair. How can looking at porn have a negative effect on you. If you did not look at his screensaver you would not of known.

When I gave birth, we did not have sex for quite a few months and when we did it was still here and there. I noticed my dh really got into porn but it was not a problem for him, he needed to satisfy himeself - its a natural urge. He would involved me too and some I enjoyed and some I didnt.

I have not noticed him looking at porn for a long time but if i found out he had and he had not told me then so what!!!!

I masterbate quite reguarly when he is not around, I am not being unfaithful, i still love hime and fancy him but what i do with my body is my business.

Maybe you need to explore your sexual side more, you may surprise yourself.

Dont be hard on dp, he has done nothing wrong.

I know exactly where you are both coming from but for me it was a different kind of thing.

When i got with dp & fell pregnant with our first child i became very very insecure, i would go mad if dp would read the paper, in fact i banned him from buying newspapers
I also ahted him watching any films with naked women or even people having sex i went totally off the scale & we used to row and row about this everyday, i was soo insecure.

The only good thing for me was dp was so so understanding & he done everything to try and help me, he stopped reading papers, looked away from the tv if there was any nudity or sex & i also had a thing about when we went out in public i used to watch him to see if he was looking at women & i would accuse him off looking at all sorts. I cried all the time, this went on for about 2 years, it was awful we nearly split up.

I was so lucky because dp just done everything to try and make me feel better, i feel totally ashamed at the way i acted but i am sure it was down to my pregnancy hormones i am so embarrassed to admit it i nearly changed my name for this post but what the heck!

It got that bad that if we went out dp would walk with his head down looking at the floor (so i could not say he was looking at women) he also never ever brought a newspaper & turned the tv straight over if any nudity or sex came on.

We have been together 5 years now & i am so so glad to say that after 2 yrs i went back to normal & we get on so much better now!

I suppose what i am trying to say is your Dh/Dp needs to suppost you in how you are feeling & try and understand why you feel the way you do, you need to speak to him & let him know how your feeling and ask him if he could try & help you through this bad time.

Things will & do get better i am living proof
I am pregnant again with 2nd due in 13 days & dp was so so scared when we decided to try for another child as he was so scared i was going to go back to how i used to be, it was a hard hard time, but thankfully i have been totally fine & i am totally at ease with whatever he does now, i feel so sorry for him i made his life hell but he stood by me and helped me

mum21&bump - that must of been awful for you.

i have kind of felt like that before, i would get to jealous that i felt like crying and screaming there and then. jealousy is horrible and eats you alive. my dh does not react very well to it!!!

but really its not their problem but ours, they should be expected to go to such extremes. we need to sort out our problem, yes they can help but making them turn away from tv etc is ridiculous but i totally understand. i remember wanting to tell him to. and not wanting them to look at porn, that is ridiculous too. thats like hikm saying, you are not to go on mumsnet anymore. we talk about our personal lives nonstop. what we do on here does not have a direct effect on our partners neither does him looking at porn.

we all like to relax and unwind or use up a few minutes differently. a man needs to masterbate, they are much nicer if they do
porn is like eating on the go, have a quick snack - a quick fix!!! no need to spend ages warmning up and doing the "do". you just browse and then its done. they feel more relaxed after - how is that a bad thing?

It was awful it ruined my life infact it "ran" my life!

I know it was my problem & i suppose i was just lucky to have my dp be so supportive & to want to do anything he could to help me through. He had seen the person i was before all of that rubbish so he new this was not the "real" me.

Our relationship really nearly ended but it was something i just could not seem to control.

Anyway i am lucky on the looking at porn front as dp does not do it, he says he can not look at porn & get excited it just frustrates him cause he likes the "real" thing

I am sure he has a look at other women & also page 3 but it does not bother me anymore. The only thing i do ask is that he does not "oggle" as they say other women whe out with me as i find that disrespectful!

Lovecloud- Think what you have said is very valid.

I don't have problem with porn and in fact probably look at it more than dp does[big grin]!!
He doesn't mind it but at the same time , he says once you've seen one there's not much much difference after that and it's about person not just their bits.

sheepgpmeep???

you around, want to hear your comments on what i said.

Maybe I need to lighten up, but thats easier said than done.

Will stop the urge to check the history, each day!

Maybe just once a week! Seriously need some of your self esteem, where did you get it from?

I'm a very rational person really, its just this subject, I know its my problem and not his but that doesnt really help.

Sheepgo-hope you are calming down a little and trying to get things together in your head

Lovecloud-i do understand the men doing porn,however that doesnt stop it messing up my relationship.
As i said earlier,my dp is on computer on Porn but he would be absolutely devestated if i was looking at Black Men with large penises.It can be a self esteem thing for both.

hello

its not just about self esteem, i am quite jealous in real life.

but i am quite sexual and i enjoy my own body, we both enjoy masterbation private and with each other so i understand his urges - as i get them too.

but sexual desire for women is different, the more you do it, the more you want it. the less you do it then the feelings not there.

if i got two weeks without sex which i do alot i am honestly not bothered, if i have sex twice in a week i just feel sexy and want more.

maybe you need to increase your sexual needs.

this subject is personal and most people dont discuss it but there are plenty of threads on here. i have been on a few of them

you should pull them out of the archive: orgasm/materbation.

i can guarantee you an orgasm through sex, hardly any women achieve this and its quite easy.

you need to be able to make yourself first so you know how yours works

masterbation is not a disgusting thing, yes its private and i dont talk about it over coffee with my friends at starbucks. every woman should be aware of her body and the pleasure she can get from it. i find it so relaxing and it releases happy hormones so a great pick me up, eases period pains, helps you get off to sleep etc...

porn just helps masterbation along, its just a helper it does not replace your partner.

unless of course you have a sex crazed husband who has an unhealthy addiction to it but 99% of men have a healthy and natural attraction to porn.

Also there is always the issue of how young the girls are? Do they get younger? then do we get into the realms of Child Pornography?

If you put it like that lovecloud then porn isnt much different to a rampant rabbit? After all both are fake impersonations of the real thing designed to help with masterbation? Maybe looking at it like that will help sheepgomeep?

Just because a man looks at naked women doesnt mean he is a secret peoadofile and into child porn two totally different things imo.

I didnt say that!

well if you partner is looking at young girls then that is a big "no no" and wrong - perverted.

if it bothers you then you should meet in the middle like never do it when you are around and delete all traces of it after so you never come across it.

you cant control his mind and penis - the penis especially has a mind of its own

maybe you should meet him half way by watching a soft porn together, you may even find you like it.

Do you "anti porn" women never lust over celebrities?

Hold on a minute! Havent said i am anti porn!

I just get very upset when i am breastfeeding,looking after two children,cooking,cleaning,washing,blah blah blah blah and

dp-oh i was bored i just looked at a bit of porn,maybe he should do all the chores and i will be bored and look at porn!

I didn't mean anti as such I guess (or you specifically ) but a fair few posters seem to think it somehow reflects badly on how their DP views them but IMO it's not a million miles away from lusting over half naked photos of male celebrities etc.

Of course, if your DP is bored he should look for something more contructive to do

I lust over Peter from Narnia but im not anti porn in the least. If hes sad enough to want to look at airbrushed, fake boobed binbos then thats his look out and besides it can liven up a dull evening

Porn is fine if its not hurting anyone. If one half of the relationship is deepy unhappy about it to a point that it becomes a major issue in the relationship, the other should stay clear of it.

I would never do something secretely or otherwise if I knew it would really upset my other half.

Why don't men see it like this?

Exactly-but then men dont see alot of things,if dp gets home at 3am/stays out overnight he thinks thats fine.
If i do the same then i am out shagging someone!

i hope your ok sheepgomeep - you've been quiet last night.

Sheepgomeep im not sure if your still looking foropinions but it hought i would add mine anyway.

I feel the same as you when it comes to porn and even just topless pics like playboy ect.
I found a picture on dp's phone once it turned out he didnt put it on there it was abloke he worked with had done it to wind me up and boy did it work!
I have all the same feelings and reguarly get told im sad and pathetic ect, but im strict with the face that i will not have dp obviously looking at other women, imnot saying he doesnt but not that i can see if he does.
I have no big hang up's about my body but i have a large chest and have always been treated as a piece of meat because of it at the age on 10 i would walk down the road and get shouted comments at and its not nice after a while. also i quite simply think if you got me to look at and think about in that way then you shouldnt need anyone else.
Anyway what i wanted to say before i started rambling was, if you really dont like it ask him not to do it, tell him how it makes you feel, i would only be a small sacrafice to make you happy. especially if your kids happen to see it.
I asked dp to promise me he would never do it and i belive him 100% when he says he doesnt, he said if it upset me that much he simply wouldnt do it. anyway thats my opinion gos i ramble!

sorry ment to put, ask himnot to do it so you know about it, you know dont leave it on his phone or the p.c or if he buys amagazine to dispose of it after hes looked at it or something, if its not in your face that hes doing it you may not feel so bad.

Hi everyone sorry for the silence but dp has been around for the past day or too and have been unable to get to the pc. Thank you so much for all your replies!

I'm fine just a bit down at the moment and me and dp aren't getting so well really, not just over the porn thing but there are other issues as well that are going on with us

Lovecloud I must just comment on some of the things you've said. It is my business whether or not he looks at porn Firstly he is doing it on my pc in the front room which is a family computer. My ds6 who is a whizz on the pc (better than dp) uses my partners screenname now and again to play games on. I don't like it full stop and I have my reasons
Secondly theres nothing wrong with my sex life. We have a happy, fulfilled and healthy sex life. In fact I taught my dp quite a few things on the kinky department that quite frankly he'd never done kinky before I met him

My main problem is my self esteem. I suffer from vitiligo rather badly and I have HUGE white patches all over my face, arms ,back, legs and body which will NEVER get better. My ex aged 27 left me for a blond extremely slim, gorgeous looking 16 year old with big breasts two years and one of the reasons was because he found my vitilgo such a turn off. Now please can you understand why I may feel just a little bit insecure about my dp leaving me. We've only been together six months but I know one day (no matter how reasurring he tries to make himself) he will piss off and leave me for someone resembling those women in the porn pics (like my ex did).

It's got nothing to do with how repressed you think I am in the bedroom department (which I'm not but it's about how it makes me feel and dp for now should understand how i'm feeling which he dosen't. and anyway he said he would HATE it if I did it to him.. download porn pics I mean. And anyway I've watched porn before .It does absolutely nothing to me especially since I caught my dad masturbating over a porn mag.

Gravity I think you've it it on the head when you say porn makes us question ourselves and how it makes us feel. Thats it exactly and charlee you are not sad and pathetic

Lovecloud just read it back and it seems as if I'm having a go . Sorry if it sounds like this. I'm not having a go. really just trying to make you see how it affects me