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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is it me or is this really childish/selfish of him?

53 replies

MadamXx · 13/09/2011 15:14

Posted about this a few days ago but we've moved on slightly. Boyfriend usually comes around once a fortnight and stays saturday until Sunday. However the next time he's due to come down he's told me he's working late until 10pm but will come down after that. Bearing in mind he usually wants to go to bed by 11pm this seems like a complete waste of time. Anyway a friend has asked if I want to go to cinema with her that saturday night and then out for drinks afterwards. I have agreed. I contacted DP to say I'd now made arrangements for that night and we would just have to meet up another day. He sent a "sad" face and nothing more so I sent a reply saying "we could still meet up sunday day time instead?" and he has just ignored me completely. This kind of confirms that its the saturday NIGHT he wants me for isn't it. The shag basically. Thats why Sunday day time doesn't appeal to him because he knows I'll want to go out and actually do something.
He's rejected two occasions this week where he could have seen me (I've been blown off for housework and car repairs) yet he acts like he's been neglected because I don't want to hang around in the house on saturday night until gone 10pm.

OP posts:

Rindercella · 13/09/2011 15:19

You see him one night out of 14?

Sorry, I don't think that's a boyfriend. It sounds like he is using you for a regular(ish) guaranteed shag.

How long have you been with him? What are his redeeming qualities (he must have some surely)?

RabbitPie · 13/09/2011 15:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Renaissance227 · 13/09/2011 15:20

How long have you been seeing him?
He sounds totally selfish and I wouldn't bother with him if he only wants you for a Saturday night shag!

Renaissance227 · 13/09/2011 15:20

You sure he isn't just a fuck buddy?

FetchezLaVache · 13/09/2011 15:22

I remember your other post- I think you know what the answer to this one is...

Original poster

MadamXx · 13/09/2011 15:40

Ok well he text back finally saying he'd be here at 6am Sunday morning I assumed he was joking so sent a text back saying "make it 9am, I want a lie-in" so he replied "8am then, I'll have a lie-in with you"
ffs

OP posts:

peeriebear · 13/09/2011 15:42

There's your answer, right there. He's not interested if there's no shagging.

buzzskillington · 13/09/2011 15:43

Oh tell him to bugger off.

Squitten · 13/09/2011 15:45

He wants a regular shag not a relationship. If that's fine with you go for it. If you want a boyfriend, he is not it!

cecilyparsley · 13/09/2011 15:45

I'd say it might be worth keeping him on the go if the sex is especially good, but even then dont let it have it all on his own terms

LaurieFairyCake · 13/09/2011 15:48

This guy would have to give you massive multiple orgasms to be worth that amount of crap

Does he?

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 13/09/2011 15:50

This is your earlier post: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1298544-Shouldnt-he-WANT-to-see-me-more-than-this and nothing has moved on from it.

You've got your answer and now it's up to you to decide whether to keep him on board as an occasional fuck buddy in case you get desperate for a late night shag, or blow him out of your life and look elsewhere for someone who sees you as being more than a fortnightly legover.

SnakeOnCrack · 13/09/2011 15:53

I'd be texting back - "I'll be asleep then, come at 9am and I'll be up." See how he responds..

Renaissance227 · 13/09/2011 15:53

What job does he do if you only see him on Saturday nights?

Original poster

MadamXx · 13/09/2011 15:54

I've text back "I'll text you when I'm up". So far no response. What a surprise.

OP posts:

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 13/09/2011 15:56

Posted before I saw I'll have a lie-in with you

Presumptious little fucker, isn't he? Do you really want a man who has no respect for you in your life?

Tell him you don't know who may be staying over with you on Saturday night and, as you don't know whether they'll be into threesomes, he'll have to wait another fortnight before he gets his rocks off with you - providing you haven't made other plans in the meantime.

Rindercella · 13/09/2011 17:06

A wanker and a controlling one to boot. There are two reasons why he asked to be with you at 6am on Sunday morning - the first is for a shag. The second is to make sure you are at home alone and not shagging someone else you'd met the previous night.

Life is too short for wankers like this in it. Bin, move on and eventually find someone more deserving for you.

Original poster

MadamXx · 13/09/2011 17:14

Rindercella, I was betting that he wanted to come around so early to "Punish" me for drinking (hoping I'd have a hangover or more likely, hoping I wouldn't drink much as to prevent a hangover knowing he was coming so early) as he's always saying I shouldn't be drinking too much etc (I never do, I very very rarely drink!).

OP posts:

cecilyparsley · 13/09/2011 17:26

wot!! all he's got to offer is a shag once a fortnight and he thinks he can tell you what you should or shouldnt be drinking

HairyGrotter · 13/09/2011 17:34

He sounds like a tool, BUT if it works for you guys go for it, however, would appear he wants things on his terms.

Original poster

MadamXx · 13/09/2011 17:36

No it doesn't work for me I'm afraid. I want a proper relationship, I'm not into being used as a toy.

OP posts:

HairyGrotter · 13/09/2011 17:42

Fair play, go and have fun on Saturday. Mug this one right off

pictish · 13/09/2011 17:46

What a tosspot!
If he was into you he'd make the effort to happily accomodate your schedule, without moaning.

izzywhizzyletsgetbusy · 13/09/2011 17:51

I very very rarely drink In that case, you're long overdue to get totally wasted on Saturday night.

When you're dc-free you regard 9am on Sundays as a lie-in? Tell the tosser to book Sunday lunch at a quality pub/restaurant and pick you up no earlier than 1pm.

Obviously, he picks up the tab for the pleasure of your company and it's entirely up to you whether you invite him in for coffee and a petit-four before he drives back to from whence he came.

If you don't place a high value on yourself, honey, no-one else will.

Go for it Hairy? Go for what exactly? As far as I know, the doormat position does not feature in the the Kama Sutra

HairyGrotter · 13/09/2011 17:56

Some people are happy with certain set ups in relationships, I believe?

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