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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Is it me or is this really childish/selfish of him?

53 replies

MadamXx · 13/09/2011 15:14

Posted about this a few days ago but we've moved on slightly. Boyfriend usually comes around once a fortnight and stays saturday until Sunday. However the next time he's due to come down he's told me he's working late until 10pm but will come down after that. Bearing in mind he usually wants to go to bed by 11pm this seems like a complete waste of time. Anyway a friend has asked if I want to go to cinema with her that saturday night and then out for drinks afterwards. I have agreed. I contacted DP to say I'd now made arrangements for that night and we would just have to meet up another day. He sent a "sad" face and nothing more so I sent a reply saying "we could still meet up sunday day time instead?" and he has just ignored me completely. This kind of confirms that its the saturday NIGHT he wants me for isn't it. The shag basically. Thats why Sunday day time doesn't appeal to him because he knows I'll want to go out and actually do something.
He's rejected two occasions this week where he could have seen me (I've been blown off for housework and car repairs) yet he acts like he's been neglected because I don't want to hang around in the house on saturday night until gone 10pm.

OP posts:

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solidgoldbrass · 15/09/2011 00:53

I don't get why you are putting up with this. There is nothing at all wrong with seeing someone for sex rather than trying to make This Relationship Progress if all parties concerned are happy with it, but not only do you seem to want more than this man is offering (he really does just want to make sure you're there as his on-tap shag but he's not interested in you, just your orifices) but he really doesn't sound very nice at all - putting you down and trying to control your behaviour.
Are you desperate for A Partner? Have you been convinced that any kind of male attention is better than Being Single?

ike1 · 15/09/2011 00:11

Yeah, mm, oh well just get rid then OP if it will be too much bloody heart ache. Clean slate and all that.

AnyFucker · 15/09/2011 00:09

trying

AnyFucker · 15/09/2011 00:09

she is also tying to force him to do something/be someone he is clearly not interested in

there are better blokes out there for her

for some reason, she is sticking with this unsatisfactory one when she could be getting great sex and a nice bloke too

AnyFucker · 15/09/2011 00:07

oh, I definitely get that, ike...not a problem if both on the same page

but OP is clearly not getting what she wants/needs

ike1 · 15/09/2011 00:01

sorry male

ike1 · 15/09/2011 00:01

Yes AF I agree but occasionally a single woman might want a shag/bit of mail company and therefore he may do for an occasional thang. Meanwhile OP as I say just get into your seeing to your needs: sort out lots of lovely you time, treatments, classes, friends and if his company appeals on occasion, well fine.

AnyFucker · 14/09/2011 23:51

is all you want

AnyFucker · 14/09/2011 23:51

you again ?

whan are you going to get the message ?

he sees you as an easy shag

if easy shagging all you want, then watch while his "visiits" get shorter and shorter ie. just either side of the bed bit

it that isn't what you want, tell him to take a long walk off a short pier and find a new bloke

one that doesn't treat you like a sex toy

I am fairly sure we all said the same thing to you on your last thread though...

thenightsky · 14/09/2011 22:15

Do you ever go out with him or is it always him turning up at yours for a shag only?

I'd say meet you at at 1pm.

cecilyparsley · 14/09/2011 21:46

damn..I wondered why I hadnt scored!

northernruth · 14/09/2011 21:27

Well Cecily don't post it on any dating sites, it might queer your pitch

cecilyparsley · 14/09/2011 21:23

I could maybe go for 'bag a mysogynistic twunt feed him poison and dump his body in some foundations before the concrete set'?

perhaps I shouldn't post stuff like that on the web?

just kidding I'm a vegetarian really

northernruth · 14/09/2011 21:14

Exactly Cecily - the worst thing about "the Rules" is it tells you how to bag a mysogynistic twunt and drag him to the altar. WTF

cecilyparsley · 14/09/2011 21:13

I think I read a bit of 'the game' I thought the author was loathsome, dumb fucker thought he was so freaking clever.
I lobbed the book into a paper recycling bin for the good of my bloodpressure
same goes for the rest of those patronising stupid dating guides

sqweegiebeckenheim · 14/09/2011 20:23

anjali 'He's just not that into you* was a freaking revelation to me. I shouldn't have needed a BOOK to tell me all that but there you go.

anjali410 · 14/09/2011 20:12

@MadamXx, please read the book 'Why Men Love Bitches' by Sherry Argov. There is a sequel to it too: 'Why Men Marry Bithces'. The best dating advice I ever got & helped me eliminate a lot of losers/players who were wasting my time.
Also, try to read 'The Game' by Neil Strauss. Its from the perspective of the pickup artists & how they manipulate the smartest of women.

Another favorite is 'He's just not that into you' by Greg Behrendt & Liz Tuccillo

northernruth · 14/09/2011 18:04

Hahaha I find it so disappointing how many men actually respond to "the Rules". Good for you, sounds like you have piqued his interest. Now all you have to do is decide whether you can be arsed to carry on playing games to get him to dedicate some time to you

SnakeOnCrack · 14/09/2011 16:38

so are you going to kick him the curb?

MadamXx · 14/09/2011 16:28

I could just tell by his first text this morning that he was expecting me to be sat at home all day wishing he were here! I bet he thought he was doing me a massive favour offering to pop down after lunch lol.

OP posts:

TheOriginalFAB · 14/09/2011 16:27

Neither children or selfish in reply to your thread title, but controlling and using. Please tell me he is amazing in bed and you get everything you want?

buzzskillington · 14/09/2011 16:22

I just feel you should fuck him off, he just seems an entitled wanker.

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MadamXx · 14/09/2011 16:20

His not pleasedness was expressed in the following texts:

"k no probs" which - when you're used to his kissy kissy arse kissing texts you can tell the blunt ones like that are written when he's gone into a strop. He also hasn't contacted me since.

OP posts:

cecilyparsley · 14/09/2011 16:17

FetchezLaVache · 14/09/2011 16:16

Ha! Good for you. A bit of mid-week empowerment is always a jolly good thing. Just out of nosiness interest, how did he express his not very pleasedness?

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