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Original poster

to the ladies that dont like their mil's - how would you feel if they passed away?

58 replies

juice · 29/08/2005 18:39

sorry if its a bit morbid, but i am really curious to know.

i seriously dont think i would even drop one tear for my mil.

what about the rest of you's?????

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 29/08/2005 18:42

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nutcracker · 29/08/2005 18:43

I would be relieved.

zippitippitoes · 29/08/2005 18:43

Dear me, juice, that is a bit depressing...it doesn't apply to me at the moment but I would still feel a sense of compassion on behalf of their closer family ...my dp and children

stitch · 29/08/2005 18:45

upset on behalf of dh. and since i would get a lot of crap from him about how horrible i was to her, even more upset for me. he practically thinks she's a saint at the moment, lord knows what will happen when she does pass on.

tassis · 29/08/2005 18:47

interesting thread.

sadly my dh lost both his parents young and I always feel sad when people moan about PILs or the trials of having to alternate christmasses as we only have my folks.

think my ds really misses out on not having 2 sets of grandparents. I know dh's parents would have adored him.

(disclaimer - this is not meant as criticism of those of you who are genuinely having a ngihtmare with PILs...)

Hausfrau · 29/08/2005 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

nutcracker · 29/08/2005 18:50

I would feel sad for my dp too but imensly relieved for me and my kids.

Nixz · 29/08/2005 18:52

PIL's have only seen dd about 5 times, she is 4.5. I put up with them on these occasions but MIL is a psychopath so, would be sorry for dp and feel a bit sad as someone has died etc etc but it wouldnt have much of an impact on our lives anyway. God, that sounds so harsh, if i'd have spoken that sentence, it wouldnt have sounded so harsh !!!!!

swiperfox · 29/08/2005 19:25

Sorry to say but I would be hugely relieved. She is a big black cloud hanging over us. I would feel terrible for dp though. I felt the same way about his dad and he passed in an awful cycling accident 2 years ago and dp was devastated. I couldn't cry for a man that wouldn't even look at his grand-daughter when she was in the same room.

gigglinggoblin · 29/08/2005 19:34

if this can apply to xmil aswell, i am going to have to try really hard not to ask if she got caught in the rain or if a house dropped on her. i will throw a party. (but will not openly rejoice infront of kids and obviously will be very understanding and there for them). couldnt care less about how xp feels, i hope he goes with her.

dejags · 29/08/2005 20:23

havent read the responses, but it happened to me.

My MIL died at age 47 from Breast Cancer - she passed away less than 8 months after spending 6 months living with us (she thought she was in remission when in fact she was gravely ill).

I spent the entire 6 months slating her, we argued, sulked with each other and generally had the worst time ever.

Now that she is gone I am so sad. She was a wonderful Granny who absolutely adored her grandson. I only wish (with hindsight) that I hadn't been such an idiot and taken her for granted so much.

My DH is an only child and his mother was a lone parent (his dad died when he was little). He misses his mother more than I can ever imagine.

This may be depressing but I thought a story "from the other side" might be useful. Your PIL may not be great, but they are your DP/DH's parents at the end of the day and they most likely love them a lot.

Flossam · 29/08/2005 20:26

I really can't say. Haven't considered it before. MY only worry is that she will end up hurting my DS, and if it prevented/stopped that then I would be relieved too.

I have reconciled myself to the fact that my father will/has died without me knowing and I won't be regretful of that.

koalabear · 29/08/2005 20:29

sad - she loves her son and grandson, and is a very active loving generous grandmother - she just dislikes me!

jessicaandbumpsmummy · 29/08/2005 20:32

discussed this with DH tonight.... neither of us get on with his mum. She doesnt care about Jess or the bump and basically has no time for us and likewise we have no time for her.

In my opinion I would be sad thta Jess would have lost her only surviving grandmother, but to be honest, Jess doesnt know who she is anyway so would it matter?

I know DH would be upset to start with, even if he says he wouldnt be, but I personally couldnt cry for her.

pedilia · 29/08/2005 20:36

my mil hated me, even though she refused to get to know me, she denied her grandson and was awful. she died in April having never seen ds2. No i did not shed a tear or attend the funeral. My heart went out to dh but not for her.

emmatmg · 29/08/2005 20:41

I would feel sad for DH, he idolised his mum until she ruined everything and I know he always hopes he'll get his old mum back.

I know that will never happen though and in all honesty I would breathe a huge sigh of relief.

Hattie05 · 29/08/2005 20:46

dejags story is very close to home for me at the moment. I wanted to post something similar "from the other side" and she has done it far better than i could.

Please please appreciate everyone for what and who they are. Life is very short and you could regret things later on.xx

Suddenly when they are gone, or when you know they are about to go, you can only remember their positives and your heart aches for them and the pain they are going through and realise what a cruel cruel world it is.

WigWamBam · 29/08/2005 20:52

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collision · 29/08/2005 20:55

utter relief

She has never seen ds2 and ds1 cant remember her so it wouldnt be a great loss to us.

Isnt that sad?

meggymoo · 29/08/2005 20:58

Message withdrawn

Sexonlegs · 29/08/2005 21:30

My p'sil adore my dd and I know this is dreadful and irrational, but that's what makes me so irritated by them - they are so over the top and in your face. I would personally be happy never to see them again; they wind me up something rotten. However, would be sad for dh without doubt.

Flossam · 29/08/2005 21:33

Yes, she has seen DS three times in 9 months and is missing out on so much. DP is now on 'her side' as she has told him she is ill with a treatable illness she has been treated for for nearly 5 months now. She should be fit and well, but I feel is just finding excuses and DP is so loyal he is glad of them .

fqueenzebra · 29/08/2005 22:08

This thread is a bit creepy for me.. not about my MIL (who sometimes drives me batty, but I respect her and I would be very sad if she died prematurely), but rather my mother who died 2 years ago. It was a Relief, because we never got along, she was emotionally unstable which did my head in and I didn't know what to do to improve our relationship.

Also, My mom's death has meant I have more contact with the completely crazy people on that side of the family -- my mother had been a buffer between the crazies and me. I wish I had appreciated that more.

moondog · 29/08/2005 22:11

As anaside,can you imagine how dreadful it would be if our beloved babies had no contact with us as adults,as is often the case,judging by the stories on here.
Mine is lovely (although she can irritate,precisely because she is my mil I suspect)and dh has just been told that she has ovarian cancer so feel very pensive at present. She is a wonderful grandmother.

MarsLady · 29/08/2005 22:14

DH would be sad, but I have to say...and I'm so cold... that I could care less!

The woman hasn't liked me since she met me. Skin too dark, don't roll over and become a doormat... etc etc....

sorry... not bothered, only for DH

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