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Relationships

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Original poster

to the ladies that dont like their mil's - how would you feel if they passed away?

58 replies

juice · 29/08/2005 18:39

sorry if its a bit morbid, but i am really curious to know.

i seriously dont think i would even drop one tear for my mil.

what about the rest of you's?????

OP posts:

Cadmum · 29/08/2005 22:14

I would feel sad for my DH, FIL and my children in that order. I think that I would also wonder if I could have had a better relationship with her.

Hattie05 · 29/08/2005 22:17

I can't quite get my head around this. ( i know i'm probably overly sensitve at the mo).

But those of you who claim you won't be bothered, do you really, truely, honestly think that?

Do you feel sad when you read about someone dying in the paper, even though you didn't know them.

How can you not feel a tiny bit sad that someone who is related to your children and your husbands/partners has died?????

MarsLady · 29/08/2005 22:30

I can honestly say that all I would probably feel is relief. From the beginning of our relationship his mother has done her damndest to split us up. Her comments on the birth of all of the children were truly shocking. She cares only for herself.

I will save my sadness for DH because she is his mother. She doesn't care for the kids, they don't know her, so I need shed no tears on their account.

Cold huh?

Hattie05 · 29/08/2005 22:38

Ok, i guess she's driven you away.

But i have a teeny weeny suspicion that you may feel different when the time comes.

But thats just me.

trefusis · 29/08/2005 22:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bubblerock · 29/08/2005 22:44

I don't have one - DH's mum died the day after having his little brother DH was only 4 and his big brother was 7 so I would love to have a Mother In Law no matter how interfering she was!

MarsLady · 29/08/2005 22:50

hattie, when that day comes I shall CAT you!

Trust me... there is NO love lost. She didn't drive me away. I walked from day one. She has and will never change. She means nada to me!

Aero · 29/08/2005 22:51

Marsy - how could anyone possibly not like you?!! How very awful.
I only see my MIL every few years as she lives in S Africa, though that may change before long as she's getting on and all bar one of her four children are in this country, the other is a nun in Zimbabwe. Tbh, I get on pretty well with her and she always means well and I know for sure that her grand-children mean the world to her. For that and the fact that I'm pretty sure she actually likes me, I'm truly grateful and I feel sad for all those who don't get along with their PILs. Am also grateful that my parents are very fond of dh! Would make things very stressful otherwise!

Aero · 29/08/2005 22:52

To answer the question, I'd be sad tbh, but my heart would go out to dh who'd be devastated, and I guess it'd be the same for him if anything happened to my folks.

ghost · 29/08/2005 23:47

I m sorry to say I would not be bothered at all. I would be sad for dh but that is about it. My MIL is a mean, racist, sexist, snobby bitch and thinks all women are money grabber out for what they can get. I do not believe that she enriches my childrens lives, if it had been her choice they would not have been born. Now they are here she is all over them one minute then claming she cant get to see them the next because she is unwelcome!! Mil is a plague of misery and one hardly welcomes the plague

burstingbug · 30/08/2005 01:20

I have to say that I'd be gutted if any of my in-laws passed away, including the step-in-laws!
I see my MIL generally once a week for a coffee so that she can see ds, and I even go to bingo with her and her friend when dh is home to look after ds!
SFIL sees us less often, maybe once a month. As for FIL and SMIL, we see them maybe every 6 weeks.
They are all good towards me, ds and obviously dh.
Just asked DH and he said he wouldn't shed tears for my parents but would grieve for them, he, as yet has only shed tears once for a lost relative. "But it'll all catch up with me one day"

jampots · 30/08/2005 01:34

Well I have 2 MILs. I would be upset for dh and my children if either died but for different reasons. The "main" one is a miserable cow and a crap granny but she is dh's mum and consequently he does love her. The other one I think will hit him harder as they have only be in touch for just over 3 years and although they are comfortable i think there's a lot of hidden hurt there which her passing will be unable to unlock.

jabberwocky · 30/08/2005 01:36

Dh's mother passed away several years before we met. From all accounts, I got off pretty easy. Sad, but true.

MarsLady · 30/08/2005 01:37

dare I say... lucky you!

jabberwocky · 30/08/2005 01:39

Have read your posts about your MIL marslady, and can certainly understand where you're coming from!

MarsLady · 30/08/2005 01:45

thank you!

now to banish such awful thoughts from my head. I need to sleep you know and I only like pleasant dreams lol

jabberwocky · 30/08/2005 03:47

Do you ever sleep with twins?

crystaltips · 30/08/2005 07:48

I think about this often ( ... perhaps it's just wishful thinking )
I'd throw a street party. My MIL is the devil incarnate !!

DP would be relieved as well .... but here's a question .....

WOuld you go to the funeral ??
I haven't seen my MIl ( or FIL ) for 4 years as I actively decided to cut them out of my life - after a catalogue of unforgivable events.
DP and the kids do still see them ....

I'm not sure I could nor should go to the funeral - as that would be hipocritical ... but then on the other hand I would want to support DH ...

But as I said - it's all wishful thinking - as knowing my luck she'll last untill she's 103 !!

emmatmg · 30/08/2005 08:07

I certainly wouldn't want to go and if she had a choice she wouldn't want me there either BUT Dh asked me to go with him then I would.

Pinotmum · 30/08/2005 08:20

Well just going by how I felt when fil died - I'd be sorry for Dh but that's it. I even got out of going to the funeral because I felt a hyprocrite going. Ds was teething and v. grumpy so I just didn't go. MIL had dh to herself to "support" her so I did her a favour really! I don't like feeling like this btw.

collision · 01/09/2005 11:33

I would go to the funeral but I really dont think I would cry or be upset at all.

My children dont know her......ds1 even asked about Daddys Mummy the other day but he cant remember her. DH has no contact with her at all and she doesnt like me one little bit.

She once told me she chose to only have 3 friends and that I would never be one of them.

Her loss.

triceratops · 01/09/2005 12:38

I didn't get on well with my FIL but he had a good relationship with dh and adored ds. He had a heart attack 2 years ago out of the blue in the garden at the age of 55. He died in the passenger seat as my dh drove him to hospital.

Although we didn't get on I was very upset by his death. Partly by the shocking and sudden nature of it and by the effect it had on our family. It has changed dh permanantly and he struggled with depression and ill health caused by the stress and grief for at least two years. ds has lost a very loving and involved grandpa.

He was infuriating and overbearing but he was essentially a good person and devoted to the people I love most in the world.I miss him more than I would have expected.

dinosaur · 01/09/2005 12:40

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Mum2girls · 01/09/2005 12:48

I don't get on with DP's mother, but even so, am I the only one who finds this really distasteful?

collision · 01/09/2005 19:20

It is distasteful really but the question was 'how would we feel if they passed away?' and my answer is, I wouldnt feel anything.

I do think this is sad though. Sad that a woman who is only 52 has no desire to see her two gorgeous grandsons and have a relationship with them or with her son. Sad that someone is so bitter about her own life, she is not willing to put herself out to be part of a lovely family.

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