🐷 Archers thread #127: Discuss the boars and sows of Ambridge here - or should that be bores and soused? You decide.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Thank you, @PseudoBadger, for kicking off this long, long series of Archers threads.

All views on The Archers welcome here! New blood welcomed. We don't all agree on all points and most of us are posting tongue in cheek a lot of the time, so don't worry about revealing that you’d love to live opposite Joy, or other unusual views.

Spoilers: not on this thread, please. We don't wait for the omnibus to discuss the weeknight episodes, but we do try our best to avoid cross-contamination from www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/4197199--The-Archers-spoilers-thread-6-Cant-wait-for-7-02pm-Join-us-here, where spoilers are positively welcomed!

For newer listeners, lurkers or those who just have no idea what we're talking about, @DadDadDad has created this useful thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/radio_addicts/3557323-For-Archers-fans-a-guide-to-acronyms-on-the-long-running-discussion-threads-and-any-other-meta-thread-questions-you-may-have - BOOP point for him! (See thread for explanation.)

These threads normally last around a month. When I started the last one, we were bracing ourselves for the Mystery Play, but that storyline, which had never exactly set the airwaves on fire, fizzled out and has (I hope) gone away, never to return.

@LillianGish proposed a new thread title which I'll use instead as a scene-setter for this thread. What a carry on - Nurse (Ben), Sergeant (Harrison), Camping (Kate), Jack (either one of them), Regardless (all of us for continuing to tune tune in)

What a carry on, indeed! Other storylines sputtering away:

• Alice, Chris, Martha - Have they split up, and if so where is Alice living? Will there be a christening and who will be godparents? When will the Aldridges and Carters find out about Alice's drinking? Too much to hope that Alice will get blind drunk at the christening party in full view of the entire village, I suppose. I'm still clinging to my hope that she lamps Alan after a suggestion that they pray together.

• Will Rex find a new home for his pigs? If Elizabeth weakens, will the pigs escape and disrupt the Lower Loxley life drawing event on Monday? Might they stampede, knock Ross out and devour him?

• Will Jazzer go to work for Neil? (This isn't exactly a cliffhanger. Of course he will.)

• Will Justin bury Lilian under the patio? Not a jury in the land would convict him, I feel, if they were played a recording of that appalling cackle and her gloating about the daffodil photograph.

• Will the life drawing event on Monday be a brilliantly amusing interlude, exemplifying how to write character-driven drama, with both comic and more serious moments? Answer: No, obviously. I may have to listen from behind a cushion.

There are more. I find myself struggling to care.

Oh, and one final mention - I've proposed a webchat with the Archers editor. @MayIDestroyYou's idea. You'll find it here: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/4231475-Webchat-idea-The-Editor-of-The-Archers-Or-another-Archers-production-team-representative

Over to you!

Really hate it when, in any fictional story, one character keeps telling us that another character is hugely attractive for whatever reason - when they patently aren't.

I wouldn't mind if she stabbed him. Would be more entertaining than his awful whiney voice ...

Although remember how dull Harrison was. And now I find him quite...homely ()

“'To stab one partner, Ms Archer, may be regarded as a misfortune; to stab both looks like carelessness.”

Motoring through this thread! Less than 100 posts left. Any ideas for next thread title?

I just don't find the relationship between Lee and Helen credible.

Yours has potential, Gasp0! Helen has a suicide and a stabbing to her credit so far. Lee may have the physical skills to defend himself - but he's not terribly bright.

And I've just this moment had a horrible premonition of Helen as epically evil stepmother ...

@AskingQuestionsAllTheTime

I seem to remember that one of the organisations consulted about the Rob/Helen abuse storyline expressed a lack of pleasure about the stabbing, and thereafter went silent about the whole business, rather as the Nuffield Trust was at first quite pleased to mention that they had been part of an Archers storyline, but stopped doing so when they found out what had happened in that storyline. Tom absolutely is not a good advertisement as someone with a Nuffield scholarship, and his behaviour about it was absurd and nothing like any actual Nuffield scholarship holder.

I know I say this all the time, but the Helen storyline turned into a repeat of series 2 of the BBC's excellent Criminal Justice storyline, right down to the prison friend who self-harmed and the rape revelation occurring at trial (although Criminal Justice did at least differentiate between barristers and solicitors). The storyline was supposed to be about the coercive control offence but turned into a murder. I suppose this is at least reflective of real life, where there have been almost no convictions for CC.

I’m sure @ILoveShula is right and the new drum kit is just Lee’s little joke...You’ve got to hand it to her, Helen is really trying...

Elizabeth was rather throwing her weight around last night. What was all that about ‘my kitchen’ and ‘my estate’? She was sneery about the sausage and burger man and then only reluctantly admitted to being ‘fond’ of him. She should watch herself. I don’t mean that she should have told him she loved him when she doesn’t but she could have handled that a bit differently. He’s treating her very nicely and being a real gentleman but he could soon get fed up with being patronised by Lady Bountiful.

Thee drums will go in Joy's garage.

Vince should no way be making decisions that lean on Elizabeth. He is the boyfriend of a few months. Red flags all over this.

I don't think I'd have been too happy about someone trampling pig muck into my floor.

I’ve always assumed the area where the Pargetters live is upstairs so it wouldn’t just be pig poo in the kitchen but coming up the stairs as well. Grim! But also not very plausible as Vince owns abattoirs so would be aware of dirty feet.

Lee may have the physical skills to defend himself - but he's not terribly bright.

I wonder if that's Lee's function? He'll be there to defend Helen and Jack when Knob (inevitably) turns up to try to grab MySon, Knob will kill him, and Helen will move on to the next hopeless relationship.

Run Helen, run, before Myson and Henwee open one of the presentation boxes causing Lee to turn into The Incredible Hulk.

@JoeGrundyWasMyRoleModel

Run Helen, run, before Myson and Henwee open one of the presentation boxes causing Lee to turn into The Incredible Hulk.

It's pretty obvious that this is going to happen, isn't it? The boys will open everything one day and there will be an almighty row. It was signalled by Lee not wanting to put them on a high shelf.

Yep.

Ooh can I add that just as Lee goes ape shit about his dollies, Rob will burst in to protect MySon.

Oh. That's the flaw in my gleeful anticipation of Beechwood carnage - the poor little boys would suffer. Again.

"If the banging doesn't do it, surely she's going to be bored shitless by him? He's so insipid." @Zzelda I thought you were saying all Lee has going for him is his, er, amorous ability.

I think it'll be weird for Helen to be back in a "Helen and her boys" household. I did enjoy the interaction with Iain about her hesitation in asserting herself about how things will be in the house i.e. the scars of Knob. I think the Elizabeth scenes were a deliberate contrast - a woman who's returned to pre-depression confidence and knows she is the boss of her own home and won't let a man elbow in and throw his weight around (not that I think Vince was particularly but she clearly wants to stop him before he starts).

Nobody puts Captain America in the corner!

And can someone please explain how this ridiculous pairing of Lizzie and Vince came about? She fancied a bit of rough?

There were no other single men in Ambridge. Well, there were but it was a choice of Jim or Alastair. with Oliver and Jazzer promised to Tracy, and she's already had Rotaboy.

Rex is single but is earmarked for Silly.

OOh from pigboy to Lord of the Manor (when prison boy does a Prince Harry and leaves LL for the US)

Oh dear, proof if we needed it that Helen and Lee are completely incompatible. She knows it too. I liked Ian saying he didn’t like seeing her so worried about his reaction, and her acknowledgment that she still feels the effects of Knob.

Some excellent predicting here - Lee's super hero figures getting the Henwy and Jack treatment and Freddie doing a Duke of Sussex.

At one point I thought Russ was going to switch from Lily to Lizzie for financial reasons so I think Vince is a prince among men compared with Russ.

I'd forgotten some of Helen's previous relationships. She's not a great chooser.