The Adoption - anyone listening?

[Jenijena]

Over the past day I’ve downloaded and listened to all the available episodes of Tge Adoption - I think it’s also being broadcast on WATO? I’m not an expert but it appears very sensitively done and is excellent listening (would be interested in the views of people closer to adopriob). All credit to Lincolnshire County Council, and all the adults involved, for letting the microphones in.

Yes - isn't it excellent radio? - absorbing and moving. I am just listening each day though I missed Wednesday's segment on WATO so should learn to download.

I caught this yeasterday and thought it was incredible radio. Am going to download the other episodes today.

I have caught only a bit of it, I thought it was excellently done - I'm an adopter.

Thank you so much for your kind comments, and for listening. I’m the producer on the series, if you want to catch up any episodes you’ve missed you can here:
BBC: www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p05k3wsq/episodes/downloads

Apple devices:
itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/the-adoption/id1296902217?mt=2

You can also search on other podcast providers (android etc).

I was sobbing listening to the father. The idea of knowing you're seeing your child for the last time must be horrendous. I know he didn't look after them well, but I'm sure he still loves them.

A very well-put-together series; I knew nothing about adoption and it's been very informative. I was amazed that the adoptive parents don't get to meet the children until they've accepted. Thinking about it afterwards, it makes sense, but I always assumed they would have met the children several times somehow.

Cat Hello! Thank you for the links.

I’m half way through and it’s fantastic radio. It’s incredible that everyone involved actually agreed to take part. And of course it could only happen on radio, because of confidentiality etc.

Cat can I ask a question? was it difficult to persuade everyone to take part?

The grandparents made me cry. They were obviously devestated not to beable to look after all of their grandchildren and having to choose two of them must have been heartbreaking. The grandmother sounded broken.

I've caught parts on TWAO as I happened to be in the car - I'll definitely be listening to all of the episodes.
An excellent series - well done. N=very informative as I was also surprised that the adoptive parents didn't meet the children first.

It’s been a long project in the making - over a year and a half. I wasn’t involved right at the start, and wasn’t there for the recordings. That was all Jon’s work, but every one of the particiants were amazing to let us record with them. No one was unwilling, this couldn’t have been done without all of them. (There’s 17 episodes in all).

I am up to Ep7 and finding it excellent.

I was so enthralled by the one episode I heard - I actually listened to my first and (so far) only podcast, and listened to all 11 episodes in one hit. It’s absolutely brilliant. First class informative radio. Incredibly sad at times of course but factual and sensitive as well.

Will be listening to the rest via podcast at weekend.

This sounds really interesting and I am now downloading my first ever podcasts. I'll listen to it on my way into work today.

Thanks Cat.

I hope it wins some kind of award. It certainly deserves to!

I have also been listening to this, and also think it's brilliant. The different perspectives given make it so powerful. It's interesting that someone upthread said they felt sorry for the birth father - I've actually been struggling not to get cross with the birth parents, who seem to be in such denial. Those snippets of reality we heard in the information meeting were horrible listening, and made it very clear that, unsurprisingly, social services hadn't removed these children on an irrational whim. I think my perspective is probably in part shaped by the fact that we're currently going through fertility problems having our first, so - although it's still a long way off now - I am listening half wondering if it'll be us adopting one day, and it makes it hard to put myself in the shoes of someone lucky enough to have six children who then failed to meet the bare minimum standards of parenting. I know, though, that they clearly have real problems of their own, and I am trying to understand their perspective - and I suppose this is where the programme is so good, it really does encourage us to see this complicated issue from every angle.

re meeting the children first. for info.

Some areas hold 'adoption parties' where difficult to place children and prospective adopters come together for a fun afternoon. The younger children aren't really aware of the purpose, though elder ones may be. This way parents can meet children and may become receptive to issues they might otherwise have turned down.

We saw a video of our children. Mainly as DD2 had some development delay so it was deemed helpful for us to see her interacting with her sister to know where she was at. Sometimes hidden viewings are done for the same reason, such as go to a playpark and observe without interaction.

Otherwise, you only meet them as the last step in the process. Since otherwise the child might end up meeting a number of prospective parents and end up feeling even more rejected.

However prospective parents can and do pull out during introductions. Which must be awful for all concerned. From reading adoption boards this seems to be mainly due to 'information coming to light' normally issues being much worse than the adopters realised / were informed. Sometimes due to adopters having glossed over issues during homestudy and then being confronted with reality. So a child who was told 'this is your forever mum/dad' then has to be told, actually no.

Must go and listen...

I agree with you Lisa I found it hard to find any sympathy with the birth parents, though I ended up telling myself not to be so judgey as we don’t know their backgrounds etc.
But I still thought they’d obviously had lots of help and surely could have just done what was asked of them.
It was the grandparents I felt tearful for.

I have a lot of sympathy for my DDs' birth mum. She absolutely loved them, but simultaneously absolutely couldn't meet their basic needs.

Yes, I'm sure you're right teen - I wasn't trying to justify my feelings towards the birth parents, and actually I think that one real strength of this programme is that they get enough airtime that it did make me confront my initial reaction to them and make more of an effort to understand their perspective.

Lisa Yes. I think it is easy to have an instinctive reaction of 'how could you behave like this to a child', but then when you hear the back story of the parents you often understand how they themselves came to be lacking in the required skills/emotions/etc. I sometimes feel there is no 'good' option for these children, just a 'least bad' one. My DDs have both been affected long term in different ways by their past experiences and losses.

And while they mentioned that the parents' own backgrounds would be discussed in the information sharing meeting that was - quite rightly, of course - not among what we heard. I'm sure you're right that if we had it would have made me reconsider how culpable they were even further.

Heard the latest podcast this morning - I think it’s a day ahead of the broadcast episodes. Jon Manel was talking to the birth father after the final meeting. JM was doing a fabulous job - having met everyone involved, and staying neutral, but also silent on eg information about the birth parents.

Of course it’s edited in certain ways, but the mother seemed very naive. The father this morning was showing JM all these ‘daddy’ mugs he’s got... and lots of how he’s going to meet the children again at 18.

I sent a 'well done' message to Feedback about the series and they want me to record it!

Congratulations, campervan - fame!

Thanks for this thread. I have so far only caught the episode with the penultimate visit, where the birth father said he didn't understand why he couldn't take the children to the park.

Grateful for the links & will listen to all of it now.

Camper I’ll listen out for that!

Wow - have listened to all the episodes so far. Very well put-together, and sensitive. It's so interesting hearing everyone's perspectives, and to have insight into the adoption process. It can't have been easy for the birth family to agree to be interviewed. Really felt for the grandparents who must feel so helpless. I really hope everything has worked out for the children, and that they are now settled and happy.