I think I hate our home

[isaeton]

Hello,
I am looking for some help / advice / reassurance.

My other half and I have just bought our first family home. We moved in 4 months ago. We live in an area where property prices are sky-rocketing, we needed to get on the 'mortgage ladder' (as we kept being told!) we had a number of sales fall through/ got outbid on and felt very very pressured to buy.

We now have our family home and I hate it. I truly hate it, and am terrified that we have drastically overpaid for an appalling quality house.

It's a new build and everything fitted (kitchen, doors, bathroom) are the lowest possible quality.

We had a full survey and were advised on bits of work that needed doing. But it's only since moving we've discovered quite how awful everything is. It is a completely charmless house. It's dark. It's overlooked and the plot is tiny. (things I really can't change!)

In terms of pros - good schools, it's a nice neighbourhood, close to the park and its detached.

I can't quite work out if my utter disdain and anxiety is normal mortgage jitters. Or whether I need an escape plan.

Thank you.

Work on what you can change to make more charming, big mirrors brighten small rooms, good quality curtains on poles which are larger than window so can be pulled right back without darkening side of windows. How bad is kitchen, can you change worktop to quartz for added shine?

I’ve been there. I sold up! It’s awful isn’t it.

How long after you bought it did you sell it? Im pretty confident we would sell it quite easily, because of the location and good schools. I don't know if I am being a bit of a brat.

@nurseryfightclub Thank you for the tips. It's a north facing and sloped garden so no natural light. Mirrors is a good idea though!

What’s the alternative? Can you afford the ‘upgrade’ without the niggles, or will you just be swapping one set of quibbles for another? Can you buy a bigger, brighter place in as good a location?

Why did you buy it? Was it the best you could afford at the time? Can you afford better four months later, taking into account all the expenses associated with it?

If not, paint it, light colours, big mirrors, plants. Much of the charm in a house is the decor, not the four walls. I mean this politely, but if it's charmless, I'd assume it's how you've furnished and decorated it. Inc carpets, flooring, soft furnishings, even your kitchen accessories. These are things that make a house charming, not the bare structure.

We've just bought our first house and it was awful! The garden was overgrown, all needed ripping out. Fence was resting on the overgrown plants so when they came out, fence collapsed. Electrics were buggered - there was a nail through a lire wire in the kitchen that they had simply fillered over, which we had to sort to fix the electrics for the hob. The landing light switch turned on the spare room light also. The loft light was through a small hole in the spare room ceiling and plugged in a socket in there. The boiler was knackered and needed a total replacement, and had been left to leak. The house was a shithole and we tore everything out and started again. It's still small but we own now, thank goodness. We have the security of never having to get turfed out of a rental as the landlord has decided to sell. That in itself was priceless to us.
If you really don't like it, that's one thing but maybe try and think of the positives of ownership also, to try and soften the blow. Nothing you've listed can't be changed really.

My sister and her husband also bought a new build and hated it. It was the cardboard walls and proximity to neighbours that got to them most, I think. They moved after about 2 years and have been much happier since.

I think it's normal and ok not to have a passionate love affair with your house. If it's just functional and does the job, fine - there are millions of normal fairly dull houses in the country and people can live perfectly well in them. You're not defined by your house, it's just a machine for living in. But if you really hate it, that's hard to come back from.

IME installing a wood burner helped - there are things you can do, but the trick is to know if it'll actually help, or would you just be papering over the cracks?

I feel your pain op. We bought an ex council house and as such it has no charm. We knew it was dated and shabby but didn't see the full extent of the problems until we moved in. So many dodgy electrical 'quirks', weird diy bodges, artex, wallpaper directly onto plasterboard, kitchen actually falling apart, leaky conservatory. We've been here a year and I hate it even more as time goes on. We need to refurbish it but enderestimated the upheaval it will involve and the experience required to plan and oversee these things alongside working etc.
If you think you'll get your money back and it won't mean your dc moving schools, I would sell your place in a heartbeat.

The orientation etc you knew about. The crap quality may be something for the nhbc guarantee. I hope so.

Thank you all. It's not a new new build. 11 years. Still bag if shite though. Jedistolemybike - I feel your pain!! I feel like a knob buying a house which neither of us really loved. We visited a few times though, and the things which aren't/ weren't perfect we're outweighed by the practical benefits. I.e. school catchment, 4 beds, culture de suc. I'm hoping mirrors, sorting the garden etc will make it more like home. It feels like this should be a happy time after looking for a house for 2 years.

Maybe post some pictures and we can see if we can suggest some changes?

In your position I think I would do what I could to improve the place, as per tips above, without spending lots of money on it. Then set a time limit on it, as agreed with significant other. Two years? Then, if you still feel the same, you can put it up for sale and move.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants - that's what I am erring towards. Selling up is incredibly attractive but we don't have the finance (or will) to do so straight away. I think this is an amalgamation of things. I've rented two beautiful Edwardian semi-detached houses and been incredible happy in both. This is a massive change. It is proper shite compared to those, but we could never have afforded to buy something like that. I had a middle-class dream of moving into our dream home. And that was going to happen 18 months ago but the sellers pulled out. This new home really isn't it. Right. Where's that Ikea catalogue?!

No, you need to actually GO to Ikea, and do the Scandanavian Route March before they allow you acess to the cafe IME, things become more bearable when they are temporary.

There are so many ideas on pinterest. I saw a picture of a fireplace with fairy lights and logs in it so I took our awful fake coals out (we never ever use it) and did the same. I can't tell you how much nicer it looks I love it! You could also get some personalised prints from etsy, or just something that means something to you like a film quote, and get that on the wall. I know someone who has a picture of her favourite band and her ticket of their final tour on the wall and I think things like that can really help. Make it personal.

This often happens with renters. They rent houses which are way more than they can afford and when they need to move it's s huge disappointment and downgrade so they cant see their home for thr comparison.

Two years to find it is a very long time indeed. Which may indicate you had unrealistic expectations for your budget and still do.

As said, much of the charm in many houses is not the fabric, it's how you decorate and furnish. Any home can be made to look beautiful.

Seldom though is ikea the answer to that though .

Think about how you wish to decorate, what beautiful things do you want inside it, pictures, wall colour, wallpaper, flooring, as well as furniture, cushions, throws. Then beautiful flowering plants for the garden, garden furniture. This is now to make a home charming.

I agree - do everything you can to make it into a home you can love. I put huge mirrors in our dark hallway and they transformed it. It never feels dark now. Paint it in pale but strongly pigmented, light-reflected colours, not washed out pastels. If you can/can afford to, you could put better doors in. Fit lovely window boxes and fill them with flowers, make focal corners of rooms that lift your spirits with photos or things that remind you of good times.

Being in the catchment for a great school is priceless. I'd have good school, mediocre house over great house poor school every time.

I agree bluntness renting a house you cannot afford to buy is a massive mistake anything the OP would have bought would always pale in comparison and absolutely yes it’s how you decorate a house that gives it charm, style, interest etc, not everyone can afford a chocolate box thatch cottage which already has built in charm, so creating a home that has it takes time, thought and effort and that is what gives a house a soul, putting your personality and style into it.

Look at this totally charmless kitchen before and after and it’s a new build as well, they have not put in new kitchen either, they have painted the kitchen units, removed some cabinet doors and added beautiful accessories.

I think you need to stop expecting to love it. I have never loved any of my previous homes. Functional boxes, in good locations with the right living space. We have always redecorated and made our own, and I’ve always been sad to leave! It sounds like your house ticks so many boxes on a practical level which is the most important thing. We built up equity over many years and have finally moved to our dream home although it needs fully renovating...!

We’re in a new build. In the 6 months weve been here:
The roof has caused a leak in the living room ceiling.
Two cupboard doors have pulled off of the units
The skirting boards have spoilt in three places
The pneumatic door has broken
The wardrobe door has pulled off its hinges.

They’re fixing it all of course but it’s a pisstake finding the time and having to live with it in the meantime.

The other thing is maybe you're still thinking like a renter, it's now your home and you can do as you please to it, part of thr joy of owning, you can change the bathroom if you don't like it, if you don't like the doors, change them, you can upgrade the kitchen, even if it's just new worktops, or cupboard doors. You can put new carpets or tiling down, you can redo the garden, you can do as you please to make it yours. Want to have a new bannister, fine do it.

Your comment is everything is crap quality inside. So? It's your home. Change it. It's one hell of a lot cheaper than moving to someplace where someone has done it for you.

I don't know if I am being a bit of a brat.
You're not being a brat at all.
I would find a dark north facing house very depressing and while you can improve the inside, there's nothing you can do about that.
I would grit my teeth and sell up and try to somewhere else. It makes such a difference coming home to a place you love.

First of all, I think it's surprisingly normal to feel very, very doubtful of a house choice at the start. It's a huge decision and, as you say, often very pressured. Sometimes the feeling passes once you do some work on the house and get stuck in. Other times, you just don't like the house - but hey, it does the job, for a while, until you can move. The intensity of the feeling does fade!

Work on what you have - take a look at Japanese gardens. They are often in tiny, tiny plots but they are oases of perfection. Overlooking is hard to avoid in any urban neighbourhood, you will get used to it. Fittings like doors can be replaced in time. You can transform a house with relatively small touches sometimes. Good luck.