I think I hate our home

[isaeton]

Hello,
I am looking for some help / advice / reassurance.

My other half and I have just bought our first family home. We moved in 4 months ago. We live in an area where property prices are sky-rocketing, we needed to get on the 'mortgage ladder' (as we kept being told!) we had a number of sales fall through/ got outbid on and felt very very pressured to buy.

We now have our family home and I hate it. I truly hate it, and am terrified that we have drastically overpaid for an appalling quality house.

It's a new build and everything fitted (kitchen, doors, bathroom) are the lowest possible quality.

We had a full survey and were advised on bits of work that needed doing. But it's only since moving we've discovered quite how awful everything is. It is a completely charmless house. It's dark. It's overlooked and the plot is tiny. (things I really can't change!)

In terms of pros - good schools, it's a nice neighbourhood, close to the park and its detached.

I can't quite work out if my utter disdain and anxiety is normal mortgage jitters. Or whether I need an escape plan.

Thank you.

I don’t know. I think you have to have good vibes as soon as you walk in. My house was very far from my dream home (1980s build, really naff paint/fittings/fixtures, low ceilings), BUT I felt excited by the potential the first time I viewed it. It has a large outdoor area, tons of natural light and is in an unbeatable location. Those were really important things to me, and I’ve worked really hard on fixing the cosmetic things that I hated and now have an amazing home.

There are some things that are deal-breakers for me: pokiness, darkness, traffic or neighbour noise, nice-house-in-bad-suburb. I know that I would never really enjoy my house if I had to live with any of these.

Ask yourself honestly - are any of the things you dislike about your house unfixable deal-breakers?

Every time I've moved into a house that I was so excited to buy I have discovered a myriad of things to hate as soon as I moved in! In my first house the straw that broke the camels back was the toilet roll holder- it was one of those metal ones that snap your fingers! DH found me crying in the bathroom about how much I hated the house.

But it wasn't forever! We did a lot to the house ( new toilet roll holder first, naturally!) and sold it 2 years later making a good profit, which allowed us to buy a better house. Our second house was a newer house, like yours, good catchment etc, but v. boring house, 3 bed semi. I always knew it wasn't our forever home, but we made a few improvements (built a garage, decking area, new bathroom, reinstalled the kitchen, new windows) and again sold for a 60k profit 2 years later, which helped us to buy the house we are in now, quite possibly our forever home.

I'd stick it out a couple of years, do what you can. If it's in a good catchment it shouldn't be too hard to sell. I now think back with fondness on those houses I hated, because we had some good times in them!

It's different for different people, husky. I am quite a perfectionist, and life never lives up to it, so I'm also quite a pessimist. I have NEVER felt good about any of the places I've lived at the start - instead I have panicked, cried, and felt overwhelmed. It's always worked out OK in the end. People react differently.

I also think people - myself included - get hung up on certain things with houses. My mother is utterly convinced that you should only ever buy a south-facing house because of the light. It's like a Truth of the Highest Order to her. My first house was south-facing, but the garden sloped upwards. There was no light! This taught me a lesson -every house, every aspect, is slightly different. Whatever you have, you can work with it. Poky rooms can be made to look bigger with mirrors and colours, clever lighting can relieve darkness, traffic noise can be baffled with good plantings (there are studies on this). Neighbours are more intractable, but they often move away eventually. Bad suburbs can gentrify, and good areas can sink. Somewhere, not very far away, there will be someone who would absolutely sell their grandmother to be able to have the house that the OP has bought - young couples renting and trying to scrape together a deposit, for instance!

I hate our house too bought it when 6 months pregnant needed to move before baby came as wanted him more space and our previous 3rd bedroom was tiny. We had a budget of £350k which thought would get us something better than it has - another 3 bed detached huge parking space out front but tiny back garden, tiny kitchen and it's dark all the time before best big bare though is the stairs are in the lounge I detest that!!!!

I can't bare moving again this was supposed to be our forever home but it's only been 18 months and I'd move tomorrow but now I look at prices at £500k and wouldn't pay for what you get

If it's a new build and bad quality then I'd bet a LOT that is Persimmon Homes!

Most people cannot afford to buy their ‘dream’ home the first time they purchase. Has always been the case the first place I bought was a flat near a railway line, could not afford anything better.

I hated our old house. We lived thee for ten years and although we made it look as nice as it could and it had a lot of advantages in terms of location, it made me a bit miserable.
The only good thing to come out of my marriage breaking up has been moving.
If you can afford to sell it I would do so-but then I think it's really important to love your home-lots of people aren't as bothered.

I think you're looking at it the wrong way. I presume you looked at other houses which you either couldn't afford or didn't like even more.

Very few people are fortunate enough to be able to buy their 'forever' as their first purchase.

If you live in an area with sky-rocketing house prices and you weren't on the ladder, then there is a good financial argument for buying any house. You suggest that you think your house will be easy to sell, so now you are in an excellent financial position. You're on the ladder, owning an asset increasing in value that will be reasonably easy to get rid of.

Add to that, if it has as many faults as you suggest, then there is a further opportunity for you to add significant value and increase the potential future saleability by following some of the suggestions on here, such as curtains, mirrors, kitchen changes etc.

It's difficult, but it would probably help if you detached yourself from thinking as the building as a 'home' and thought of it more as a financial investment.

The longer you stay there and can put up with it's foibles, the better a chance you will have of getting your dream home when it becomes available. It's just the first rung of a long long ladder to find your dream home.

I've lived in a lot of North-facing houses and you do have to work to stop them feeling dark and grim. But it can be done. Pale, light-reflecting paint. Plenty of mirrors on walls that bounce the light from the windows back into the room. Mirrors at 90 degree angles to each other - even small ones, can massively add colour. Choose warm but pale hues - honey colours, rich creamy whites and add very strong pops of colour with art work, cushions, rugs, throws and curtains. It really can be done.

Trust your gut instinct OP. We moved from a lovely old end terrace to a modern detached and I hate it. We realised quickly it was a mistake but didn't have enough cash to get out without swapping like for like. The house is so badly built it's been a massive drain emotionally and financially, and it's never felt like home. Cold, wet, north facing despite good school, naice area and good neighbours. 10 years on we can finally afford to move and I'm so looking forward to it.

and the things which aren't/ weren't perfect we're outweighed by the practical benefits.

I've been through this with my mother when she moved house! Basically, the housing market is pretty transparent. You get what you pay for and flipping thorough Rightmove for an hour will tell you what that is. My mum wanted more space than she could actually afford, so everything she went to look at (which had the space she wanted) had something wrong with it (overextended and too dark with no garden; opposite an electricity substation; behind a railway line etc etc). So she'd look and look. And reject. "Oh, if only that were the one further along the road and not opposite the electricity station." But she'd miss the point that if it actually were the one further along the road and not opposite the electricity substation it'd be £75k more expensive.....and out of her budget.

So - to get the "charming" house you're after, you will most likely either have to pay more, or live outside school catchment/on a busier road etc. And given you said you bought it because those practical benefits outweighed the new build factor, then I'd argue you've already decided that that trade off is worth it. And presumably if you could have afforded charm AND practical, then that's what you'd have gone for in the first place?

That said, you have my sympathy! Can you buy a couple of pieces of lovely furniture? Splash out on some smart accessories? You can certainly replace kitchen doors relatively inexpensively.

Just wanted to say that what you value in a house is not what others value. You want character and light, others want parking and big bbq area. A 4bed in a good school area is a +++. Plan to enhance its good features over the time you are there so it sells at a good price down the line (depending on the market).

If a house faces north surely the back faces south. Can you swap rooms round so the main rooms get sun.

If it’s an 11 year old new build it may be time to upgrade the kitchen doors/worktops (whole new kitchen if you can), could make a huge difference. Same with the bathroom/s.

We bought a ‘new’ new build 2 years ago and accept that the kitchens/bathrooms are only going to be fine until they lose their newness as they won’t be the best quality.

Could you change the floor/carpets and place some mirrors to make small rooms look bigger. The north facing and small plot you can’t change but you could decorate to your liking? 4 months is very soon, I’d give it a couple of years, change what you can afford to and see how you feel the.

North facing means your tubs and hanging baskets look great all summer and don’t dry out and go over!

Its only been 4 months! You made a sensible decision with your head not your heart & the good points such as schools, nice area are important. I've lived in a house where it took an hour to get to school by bus & its miserable, especially in the cold/rain/snow.

I think you're just having jitters & focussing on the negatives now everything has calmed down a bit & the mad rush of moving house has gone. Look, you're in a very fortunate position of owning your own property, that's something not everyone is able to do. This is your first home, you don't have to stay in it for years & years. Its dark, well its February my house is dark too :) will it be better with a bit of sunshine coming through the windows in the summer? The fittings are low quality, its not something that has to change straight away, you improve & redecorate your house as & when.

As PP have said, look at your furnishings, look at what you can do to make it more livable. Remember the years of renting uncertainty when the landlord could sell out from under you & the annual rent increases & everything else. Try to focus on the positives & what you do have :)

Pinterest is so helpful for ideas. The picture linked by BettyBoo is brilliant.

A dark room doesn't suddenly get lighter with a bit of emulsion. I'd concentrate on using strong pigments that are going to give the room a sense of identity and go for creating stylish cosy rooms with a bit of character instead.

A decorator friend once told me to look up when in Ikea....they use an incredible amount of lighting to make things look right and it isnt cosy or practical in real life.

I feel your pain op. We bought an ex council house and as such it has no charm. We knew it was dated and shabby but didn't see the full extent of the problems until we moved in. So many dodgy electrical 'quirks', weird diy bodges

Are you me?

I think it is quite normal to have massive reservations after moving house. Especially if you have made lots of compromises.

The house I bought was by far the best I could afford at the time. However it is a zone 3 location versus zone 1 where I had been renting. It has zero charm. It needed way more work doing to it than I realised. Lots of DIY bodges.

On the plus side the house is a nice size, I have renovated parts of it and the garden is seriously lovely. I like being able to have friends to stay in he spare room. The location isn't too annoying.

Unfortunately now I am now a bit "what if" because prices in london haven't risen in the past 18 months, I'm getting paid more and I could have saved a lot more over the past 18 months..... so actually I could now afford something much closer in. Which is annoying.

But then on the other hand would I REALLY have wanted to leverage up based on my new salary? Probably not, the mortgage feels high enough as it is already.

whisky, very true!

Don't forget you probably chose your house after deciding it was the best of the bunch you could afford.

I'm about to buy my third house, and of my three shortlisted ones none is the house of my dreams. They do however meet the essential criteria for practicalities. Having lived in many places, including other countries, I'm convinced home is partly a state of mind. My current house is the least favourite one of all the houses I've lived in, but now a move is imminent I think there are things I will miss about it.

Op, what have you actually done to the house since moving in?

No one moves house Because of a crappy bathroom or not liking the doors, you just change those things.

I've personally never bothered about which way a house has faced, because the internal decor changes the lighting. Similarly being over looked is hugely common.

I'm just concerned instead of thinking this is mine, how do I make it feel like mine, change the things that need improving, you've just sat there and said well this is shit, lets move.

It's very rare to have a first home as a dream home, especially if previously renting above your purchase budget.

I'd change your focus, stop thinking of the negatives and start getting excited about all the things you can now do as a home owner to make it yours. It's not like a rental property where you have to basically live in it as is, it's yours.

You can change whatever you please when you have the budget, be it a new front door, climbing roses or wisteria, up the front of the house, new granite or corian worktops, new bathroom, new flooring, or some paint colours or wallpaper you love.

If you want to Post images people can help advise.

I think you need a bit of a reality check.

You have lived in beautiful Edwardian houses before, that you rented. You can't afford to buy one. BUT you have bought your first home in a good area with good schools. It's detached, and near green spaces.

You moved in in what, October? It's now February. It's dark, dank and I don't know which county you're in but it's hardly stopped raining here since about October. Wait until spring and summer, the light will be better and the garden nicer.

So the bathroom and kitchen are dated and you don't like the doors. So change them!! Moving again will cost you thousands and you may still end up in a house with a dated kitchen and grotty doors. Use the money to upgrade and improve, and make it yours. That's the bonus of owning and not renting - you can change things you don't like.

OP, I completely understand what you're going through. We have moved twice now and each time I hated the house initially. Both needed a LOT of work. It can be overwhelming, particularly when you're both working and the initial excitement of moving has waned.

However, as other people have said, you can make any house nice given time. Our first house needed new electrics, new boiler, it felt really dark, it was on a busy road, tiny kitchen, the decor was horrendous and it made me feel really depressed for about a year. BUT, we slowly but surely changed EVERYTHING and made it lovely. I was sad to say goodbye to it in the end. Now we've moved into our forever home and I love the location and space, but god, it needs SO much money spending on it, and as we haven't got any left we're going to have to put up with it as it is for a long time. But you know what? It's on a quiet street, the schools are amazing and I know from experience that I'll love it eventually.

Please don't despair. The pros you mention about the house are huge ones.

I think you have fallen Into a trap that a lot do . You rented some where you could never afford . We started in a 2 bed and worked out way up so everything has been an upgrade. I did however grow up in a massive-off estate house so I do feel your pain . I've got more used to people close to me but still yearn for no neighbours as far as the eye can see . One day maybe ? ...
By the way we have a new build and is beautiful , very sturdy and well made . A few builders have commented on it recently ( we are going to extend ) but I guess at 11 years old everything is ready to be changed .( this is why we move on from the last house).... finally have you considered a new build ? We have a great plot and didn't pay stamp duty and got flooring Included plus all appliances etc ... it was more cost effective than extending the last house and much bigger .

OP- amazing what re-painting/mirrors/soft furnishings/better layout of furniture can do.
Paint rooms in chalky whites from F&B - instantly brighten /add depth to almost any room, seriously, Well spaced/hung wall art. Barely any fuss/clutter. Mirrors- lots, Make it as cosy with throws/rugs- beautiful furniture but bright as possible.

Tackle anything major over time ie. is there any ugly.old fireplace? Update kitchen/bathroom? If you strip almost any house back and re-think it can be so much better. Know it wont happen overnight though, Id start with getting some paint samples and go from there.