Would you raise concerns about a possessive friend in Year 2?

[Sadturtle]

DD is in Year 2 and has been very close friends with C and M since Reception. They genuinely love playing together and DD actively seeks C out.

However, C seems very possessive of both girls. She gets angry when they play with other children, tells them they shouldn't, follows them when they try to leave and sometimes physically tries to stop them. There have also been incidents of scratching, biting and trying to hit.

Yesterday I saw a fairly extreme episode myself. C became furious with M over something tiny, tried to hit her, screamed, and then bit her own mum when she intervened. Her mum eventually had to take her home.

M's mum then told me that last year C frequently made M cry, was physically aggressive towards her and tried to stop her playing with other children.

The odd thing is that DD seems quite unfazed. She says C is just jealous and wants them to play only with her, but that she and M don't have to do what C says. She still really likes C, isn't seem to be frightened of her and wants to stay friends, but also wants other friends.

Would this concern you? Would you speak to the teacher even if your own child seems to be handling it?

There have also been incidents of scratching, biting and trying to hit.

this is why you raise it

do you eve r have play dates?

I absolutely would raise it - both mine had possessive friends in Year 1 and we raised it both times, even though they weren't as extreme as your situation. I just made sure to phrase it as concern with the teacher, rather than complaining. I also explained I didn't want them to fix it, I just wanted to make them aware of it. Teachers kept an eye on both kids and the situations went away in the end

We had a couple of playdates with C last year. No major issues, but all my DD's attention was on C, so maybe that's why. I remember now that when DD suggested that next time they meet all together with C and M, C was not happy about it.

When DD is with M they mix with other kids and play quite normally.

Ok - what do I say? Just that and ask if the school noticed anything?

I don't think you need to raise it as it sounds like your daughter is coping fine with the situation.

As long as she knows that she doesn't have to do what C wants and can have her own friends/play her own games, she'll be ok. I would only raise it if my child was being adversely affected.

Ah ok. What happened in the end? They managed to find boundaries or did they have to end the friendship?

You say that you’re aware of some biting and scratching and wanted to draw their attention to it so they can keep a close eye on the trio

Delete

And your daughter goes to their houses for play dates?

Thank you. I spoke with DD several times and she seems to be fine. It seems like she sees what's going on and manages it somehow

She gets angry when they play with other children, tells them they shouldn't, follows them when they try to leave and sometimes physically tries to stop them. There have also been incidents of scratching, biting and trying to hit.

this comes from your daughter? Aside from seeing the playground incident

Ok. Perhaps I do that just in case. It probably won't hurt to mention it

No they mostly play at school or in a park straight after school. We normally have her other friends around (as I am not close friends with C or M mums)

I'm a primary school teacher and - even though your dd seems to be strong enough to handle the situation - I would want to know about the situation so that I could keep an eye on the girls.

I'm surprised that M's mum doesn't seem to have reported the behaviour to the school.

Yes.

And I did.

My DD mentioned it several times during the last school year but I was not concerned about it as DD did not look scared/upset. But today M's mom talked about the same things and some things she mentioned (re physical assault to M) are worse than what my DD ever said

But you say the three are absolute besties…. And your daughter has never been invited over to either of theirs for a play date?

Have you seen scratches and bite marks on her?

Ok thanks. Maybe she did - I am not sure.

Ok so if you notice bite marks or scratches on your daughter in future… contact the school!

It is all a bit odd. Biting and scratching but you can’t recall ever seeing signs of this.

and best friends but your daughter has never been on a okay date to either child’s house

No she was not. We mostly do playdates during weekends as I work full time. C and M's moms don't so we have quite different life pace. Also, as I mentioned I am not friends with these moms.

You don’t remember if you have ever seen bite
marks on your daughter?

How come not friends… any incidents?

Odd that three such close friends and she’s never been invited over. Even if you have had to decline. What she invited to their birthday parties at least?

Sorry I accidently replied to you, I was meant to reply to someone else. I am puzzled by your questions - as if you are trying to find some inconsistencies in my story. I am not sure what's the reason behind it but maybe you are just bored