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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Teacher nicknaming DS which he doesnt like

36 replies

upsideup · 17/04/2018 21:53

She keeps shortening his name to a name that he really doesnt like and that no one in the class ever calls him, hes been correcting her for months and is starting to get really frustrated by it and so now she is getting cross at him for correcting obviously frustrated as hes being rude.
The nickname is also creating laughter and teasing from the other kids each time its used, not neccesarily because they are being unkind to ds but just because its funny, I thought this would make her stop but so far it hasnt.
Its only two syllables and 5 letters, not hard to pronounce at all.

Do we need to tell him he just has to suck it up for the last few months or should the teacher be making more of an effort to get his name right?

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nuttyknitter · 17/04/2018 21:56

This is completely unacceptable. Please speak to the teacher, and if that doesn't work, to the Head. Every child has a right to be treated with respect and calling them by their preferred name is a really important part of it.

QueenieS · 17/04/2018 21:57

Go in the morning and tell her to stop immediately

newdaylight · 17/04/2018 21:58

Agreed. Very unacceptable and should be easily corrected when brought to schools attention

Keepingupwiththejonesys · 17/04/2018 21:58

No, go in and tell her to call him by his name. My brother had this and in the end my mum went in, she really wasn't the type to do that either but the teacher wouldn't pay attention to my brother correcting her. The teacher was actually using a longer name for him that isn't his name and it started to really get to him. Your son isn't being rude, the teacher is.

mimibunz · 17/04/2018 21:58

The teacher should use his actual name! This is one of my pet peeves. People who decide what they want your nickname to be. She’s actually bullying him by ignoring his repeated attempts to correct her and creating a situation where he is laughed at.

12PurpleSnails · 17/04/2018 21:58

I'm a teacher, this doesn't sound right to me at all. The teacher should listen to your son. I would go and speak to her if I was you.

Scabetty · 17/04/2018 21:58

Have a quiet word to say he prefers xxx. I have a long name which can have various shortenings eg Elizabeth. Some people assume I am a short version e.g Liz and it annoys me. When I say call me eg. Beth instead some get huffy

HollowTalk · 17/04/2018 21:58

She'd get such a bollocking from me.

Happygolucky009 · 17/04/2018 22:00

This happened to me, I hated it but found the more people became aware of my annoyance, the more people got involved. As an adult, I am happily known by the name given to me by the teacher 😂

If you son is genuinely upset, you need to discuss with the teacher and explain that you expect him to be called by the name given by you x

Original poster

upsideup · 17/04/2018 22:12

Thankyou, I was going to post on AIBU but worried I was going to be flamed for being annoyed with this.
We have already given her reminders of his name and that he doesnt like the nickname on the playground but it hasnt been working, I will go in and have a more proper chat this week.

OP posts:

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 17/04/2018 22:17

I have to admit I once very gruffly corrected ds’ headteacher when he shortened ds’ name. I think the man was a little surprised but he’s never shortened his name and until he wants it shortened it needs to be said in its entirety.

Enko · 17/04/2018 23:16

I have corrected teachers for my childrens names more than once. The teacher who said " its just a pet name because I like to do that " was firmly told that since dd didn't like it then he was not do so.. He did it once more and I went straight to the head.. He used her name for the rest of the time he taught her..

DD3 is more mispronunciation but as her name is Irish many really do not know how to say it and are happy to be taught.. (spelling issue ) Once they know they do their best.

soapboxqueen · 18/04/2018 13:14

I'm assuming you mean something like your child's name is Patricia and the teacher calls them Pat?

Some people do like to shorten the names of others without any indication that it is a welcomed adjustment eg Steve, Dave, Liz, Bill etc etc.

Either write a note or speak with the teacher and tell them to stop.

DairyisClosed · 18/04/2018 13:17

In your place I would have a word with her. She is being extremely rude and she should be setting a better example to the class. I don't think you are overreacting at all.

soapboxqueen · 18/04/2018 13:18

If it's something like 'sweetheart' then you need to roll with it unless it is only directed at your child specifically. That would be wierd.

Highhorse1981 · 18/04/2018 13:19

Drop her a note. Polite and succinct.
That should be the end of the matter.

Original poster

upsideup · 18/04/2018 21:35

DH had a word after school today and basically got to she will try her best but has 30 other kids to teach so is bound to mess up sometimes and that DS ignoring her or correcting her in anger when she gets it wrong needs to be sorted first.
We will deal with his behavior too and tell him he needs to jsut calmly correct her each time but that problem would be sorted if she just got his name right. Getting him to keep a tally for the rest of the week and if it continues I will probably go in monday.

OP posts:

soapboxqueen · 18/04/2018 21:41

I wouldn't bother with the tally. It's a distraction and he'd likely get into trouble for it. I also agree that he shouldn't get cross and be rude to the teacher. However, neither should the teacher be calling him something he doesn't like so while I agree it might be hard for them to break the habit, and they might make the odd mistake, they really need to try hard to get his name right.

BewareOfDragons · 18/04/2018 21:53

Why on earth have you let this go on? Say something!

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 18/04/2018 21:54

Tbh I’d ignore someone who called me by the wrong name too.

mineofuselessinformation · 18/04/2018 22:03

I'm a teacher (although in secondary).
If someone has a name like Thomas, I ask them if they'd like to be called Thomas or Tom, and go from there.
It take me a long time to remember names so I always make a point of saying 'tell me if I've got your name wrong'. What decent teacher wouldn't?
I'm bemused by the defence that there are a lot of people in the room - I like to be called by my actual name too.
I think you have every right to insist that he is referred to by his preferred name. (And there is the capacity on modern computerised registration systems which most schools use to have students recorded on there by their preferred name.)

MinorRSole · 18/04/2018 22:46

DH had a word after school today and basically got to she will try her best but has 30 other kids to teach so is bound to mess up sometimes

Ridiculous excuse - I bet your ds knows all his friends names so if a child can learn 30 names an adult certainly can!
Dts has a name I love but a common abbreviation is a name I hate. Luckily it hasn't happened yet but if/when it does I shall correct it swiftly - unless he himself wishes to be called that.

Original poster

upsideup · 19/04/2018 10:37

I only meant a mental tally, he definately isnt discrete enough to keep a physical one!

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MsMarvel · 19/04/2018 10:43

Tbh i dont think your sons behaviour needs dealing with at all. He is either ignoring someone who is calling him the wrong name, or getting frustrated at someone who has been reasonably told multiple times not to do something but continues to.

At this point i would go to the head teacher tbh.

steppemum · 19/04/2018 10:48

that response is ridiculous.
I am a teacher, and yes I sometimes get names wrong (I sometimes get my own kids names wrong but when you do you apologise and try again)

But this is a problem of her own making.

she used a nickname without asking, that is not great (but would be OK if child didn't mind)
ds told her clearly he DIDN'T LIKE it, and it isn't his name, and she has continued.
You have told her on the playground he doesn't like it and his name is xx, and she CONTINUED.
Now she has created a situation where the child is feeling distressed by this issue to the extent that he is upset enough to be rude when called by the wrong name. Poor kid has tried everything, ignored it, (gets into trouble) corrected (doesn't work) gets upset (gets into trouble) and she is now upset with him for his rudeness.

So, she expects self control and emotional control of your ds well beyond what most adults could display.

This is a fundamental lack of respect of ds boundaries and goes right against all that is taught about listening to the child etc. Frankly, if she is so unable to hear his simple request to be called by his own name, than what would she do if a child came ot her with a problem?

If it does continue, I would write a letter, to her, with the points outlined above, copy in the headteacher.
Normally I post on school threads advocating communication and reasoned response, but you have tried that, and it is time to put your foot down

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