Teacher nicknaming DS which he doesnt like

[upsideup]

She keeps shortening his name to a name that he really doesnt like and that no one in the class ever calls him, hes been correcting her for months and is starting to get really frustrated by it and so now she is getting cross at him for correcting obviously frustrated as hes being rude.
The nickname is also creating laughter and teasing from the other kids each time its used, not neccesarily because they are being unkind to ds but just because its funny, I thought this would make her stop but so far it hasnt.
Its only two syllables and 5 letters, not hard to pronounce at all.

Do we need to tell him he just has to suck it up for the last few months or should the teacher be making more of an effort to get his name right?

[TinyPawz]

Any further update op?

[Peregrina]

I half wondered if you should go in, deliberately get her name wrong, see her bristle and say that it isn't her name, use it again, and then tell her that if she doesn't like it as an adult why does she expect a child to put up with it? Except that two wrongs don't normally make a right but this time it might just.

[ifIonlyknew]

erm no his behaviour doesn't need sorting first. I would put it in writing and speak to the head. This is unacceptable

[StormTreader]

What?! Names are incredibly personal and important, has she really just said "well I'm an adult so I get to decide to change your name for my own convenience and they should put up with that erasure of identity quietly"?
Maybe she should just start calling everyone in her class Child1, Child2, Child3 because thats easier for her?

[BewareOfDragons]

Teacher's response was completely unacceptable and I think you need to put your encounter and expectations in writing to the Head now.

Teacher is now bullying your child and expecting more of a child than of herself. Not on.

[TinyPawz]

Just read the update. Erm no! She needs to learn the children's name correctly. If she was not calling you ds the wrong name I presume he would not be rude or ignore her. She is 100%in the wrong here. I would not be happy with her response at all and would be taking up with principal and if necessary board of governors. Completely unacceptable!!!

[TinyPawz]

How have you allowed this to go on for months? Seriously go speak to the teacher, deal with this head on.

[steppemum]

Can I just say that the children in our school are taught to recognise bullying as someone doing something to you that you don't like. They are taught to remember the acronym STOP
Several Times On Purpose.

Given that bullying can be verbal as well as physical.....

[MissMarplesKnitting]

No that's wrong.

I'm a teacher and I always ask what the students want to be known as and write it in my planner. Some use middle names etc and if you ever want a productive relationship with your young charges they have to know that you have a modicum of respect.

Go back to the school. The teacher has been too dismissive.

[strawberrypenguin]

I would take it to the head then given your update. She should be calling DS by his preferred name. I see nothing wrong with him politely correcting her.

My DS is known by a shortening for his name and gets very cross when someone uses his 'long' name. Luckily so far teachers have been very good at using his shortened name.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

YANBU - and I agree with @steppemum that the teacher's response is ridiculous.

I think she owes @upsideup's son an apology, in front of the class. Personally, I would be writing to the teacher today saying that, having thought over her response yesterday, you are not happy with how things were left - you want her to acknowledge that it is her actions in repeatedly misnaming your son, despite being asked by him and by you on numerous occasions, that have caused him to become upset and angry, and that his anger and frustration are a direct result of her actions,so the appropriate course of action is for her to address her habit of misnaming your son first, not his understandable anger.

Plus, as her actions have caused your son distress, and caused him to be teased, you would like her to tell the class that his name is Fullname not Nickname, and that she is sorry for having forgotten this in the past.

[steppemum]

that response is ridiculous.
I am a teacher, and yes I sometimes get names wrong (I sometimes get my own kids names wrong but when you do you apologise and try again)

But this is a problem of her own making.

1. she used a nickname without asking, that is not great (but would be OK if child didn't mind)
   
2. ds told her clearly he DIDN'T LIKE it, and it isn't his name, and she has continued.
   
3. You have told her on the playground he doesn't like it and his name is xx, and she CONTINUED.
   
4. Now she has created a situation where the child is feeling distressed by this issue to the extent that he is upset enough to be rude when called by the wrong name. Poor kid has tried everything, ignored it, (gets into trouble) corrected (doesn't work) gets upset (gets into trouble) and she is now upset with him for his rudeness.
   

So, she expects self control and emotional control of your ds well beyond what most adults could display.

This is a fundamental lack of respect of ds boundaries and goes right against all that is taught about listening to the child etc. Frankly, if she is so unable to hear his simple request to be called by his own name, than what would she do if a child came ot her with a problem?

If it does continue, I would write a letter, to her, with the points outlined above, copy in the headteacher.
Normally I post on school threads advocating communication and reasoned response, but you have tried that, and it is time to put your foot down

[MsMarvel]

Tbh i dont think your sons behaviour needs dealing with at all. He is either ignoring someone who is calling him the wrong name, or getting frustrated at someone who has been reasonably told multiple times not to do something but continues to.

At this point i would go to the head teacher tbh.

[upsideup]

I only meant a mental tally, he definately isnt discrete enough to keep a physical one!

[MinorRSole]

DH had a word after school today and basically got to she will try her best but has 30 other kids to teach so is bound to mess up sometimes

Ridiculous excuse - I bet your ds knows all his friends names so if a child can learn 30 names an adult certainly can!
Dts has a name I love but a common abbreviation is a name I hate. Luckily it hasn't happened yet but if/when it does I shall correct it swiftly - unless he himself wishes to be called that.

[mineofuselessinformation]

I'm a teacher (although in secondary).
If someone has a name like Thomas, I ask them if they'd like to be called Thomas or Tom, and go from there.
It take me a long time to remember names so I always make a point of saying 'tell me if I've got your name wrong'. What decent teacher wouldn't?
I'm bemused by the defence that there are a lot of people in the room - I like to be called by my actual name too.
I think you have every right to insist that he is referred to by his preferred name. (And there is the capacity on modern computerised registration systems which most schools use to have students recorded on there by their preferred name.)

[Tomorrowillbeachicken]

Tbh I’d ignore someone who called me by the wrong name too.

[BewareOfDragons]

Why on earth have you let this go on? Say something!

[soapboxqueen]

I wouldn't bother with the tally. It's a distraction and he'd likely get into trouble for it. I also agree that he shouldn't get cross and be rude to the teacher. However, neither should the teacher be calling him something he doesn't like so while I agree it might be hard for them to break the habit, and they might make the odd mistake, they really need to try hard to get his name right.

[upsideup]

DH had a word after school today and basically got to she will try her best but has 30 other kids to teach so is bound to mess up sometimes and that DS ignoring her or correcting her in anger when she gets it wrong needs to be sorted first.
We will deal with his behavior too and tell him he needs to jsut calmly correct her each time but that problem would be sorted if she just got his name right. Getting him to keep a tally for the rest of the week and if it continues I will probably go in monday.

[Highhorse1981]

Drop her a note. Polite and succinct.
That should be the end of the matter.

[soapboxqueen]

If it's something like 'sweetheart' then you need to roll with it unless it is only directed at your child specifically. That would be wierd.

[DairyisClosed]

In your place I would have a word with her. She is being extremely rude and she should be setting a better example to the class. I don't think you are overreacting at all.

[soapboxqueen]

I'm assuming you mean something like your child's name is Patricia and the teacher calls them Pat?

Some people do like to shorten the names of others without any indication that it is a welcomed adjustment eg Steve, Dave, Liz, Bill etc etc.

Either write a note or speak with the teacher and tell them to stop.

[Enko]

I have corrected teachers for my childrens names more than once. The teacher who said " its just a pet name because I like to do that " was firmly told that since dd didn't like it then he was not do so.. He did it once more and I went straight to the head.. He used her name for the rest of the time he taught her..

DD3 is more mispronunciation but as her name is Irish many really do not know how to say it and are happy to be taught.. (spelling issue ) Once they know they do their best.