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Primary education

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Original poster

when do they teach about same sex relationships?

59 replies

peppajay · 04/06/2014 21:54

Hi - just been to a sex education meeting at my kids primary school and happy with the way they are going to be teaching everything, but I have one question that I forgot to ask and don't know if any of you mums can help:
At what age do they talk about same sex relationships??

I only ask as my brother is gay and my DH thinks it is wrong and thinks any type of promotion of SS relationships is wrong. I know when we come to this there are going to huge rows and arguments so just want to be prepared for when this is going to happen.

Thanks

OP posts:
apermanentheadache · 04/06/2014 21:58

It depends on the school. There is no national curriculum for sex ed, although there is guidance schools have to have regard to.

CockD0dger · 04/06/2014 21:59

Wow. Your husband sounds nice.

Some schools don't seem to cover it at all.. So you might be 'lucky'.

Wolfiefan · 04/06/2014 22:07

Schools won't "promote" same sex relationships. You really need to consider how you will deal with this at home.
My DS came home one day telling me a classmate had been telling him what "gay" meant. We talked and I explained that I loved DH. Many women love men. Many men love women but women can love women and men can love men. He sort of shrugged and said ok.
The other day he asked me what love felt like. (Threw me a bit!) I suggested how it might feel. He said he hadn't felt like that about a girl or indeed anyone. Stupidly I felt so proud. Gay or straight he knows I love him. I just want him to be happy. That's the important part!!

allisgood1 · 04/06/2014 22:08

But it's not promotion. It's education. It's facts!

HattyMonkey · 04/06/2014 22:16

I hope they don't promote any relationship above others. Personally I have always with both dds from tiny that people love people, sometimes that is 2 people who are the same. My eldest is now 14 and she has never questioned it. In fact she has informed or educated her friends. I know this as I was confronted in the school yard when she was in year 3 by a Mum, infuriated because dd1 had told her pfb that 2 women could be in love.

Original poster
peppajay · 04/06/2014 22:24

They are only in infants so they know that their uncle lives with his friend and to them at this stage that is prob no different to their auntie who lives in a student house with 3 friends but one day obviously they will start to ask questions. My DH finds it really hard to get his head around because until he met me he had never come across a gay person and now he knows or has come across quite a few and he seems to think that because it is more talked about it is seen as normal and in his eyes it isn't normal. He doesn't want the kids knowing anything about it facts or not so know going to cause a huge uproar as I have no problem with it! Hoping won't be for a few years yet!!

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 04/06/2014 22:29

But what isn't normal? Being in a relationship?
Confused

CockD0dger · 04/06/2014 22:30

So when your children find out that their uncle's 'frsend" is actually his partner, they will know that they have been lied to and that it is a dirty secret.

So those foundations have already been laid with them and it would take time to undo.

I hope your DCs aren't gay, for their own sakes.

exexpat · 04/06/2014 22:36

At my DC's last school (CofE primary), the deputy head and one of the other teachers got married (well, civil-partnered), with many congratulations in the school newsletter and in the playground. It didn't seem to bother any of the children, or even interest them very much.

I don't know if same-sex relationships are mentioned in the SRE lessons, but I would have thought that you'd be better off gradually getting your DCs used to the idea of your brother's relationship by talking about them as a couple and so on. Do you see your brother and his partner much, or has your homophobic DH put a damper on the relationship?

Original poster
peppajay · 04/06/2014 22:38

But it isn't lying to them as they know they live together and generally when they see their uncle they see xx too when we and they talk about him we refer to them as Toby and xxx. Obviously they are prob going to know about gay relationships sooner than kids who have no gay family or friends and I just want to be prepared roughly when this is!!

OP posts:
VashtaNerada · 04/06/2014 22:39

My DC have always understood that partners don't have to be 'one of each'. Being gay isn't shameful, it wouldn't occur to me to keep it a secret. When DD started school one of her friends had two mums, she didn't bat an eyelid.

Original poster
peppajay · 04/06/2014 22:40

But it isn't lying to them as they know they live together and generally when they see their uncle they see xx too when we and they talk about him we refer to them as Toby and xxx. Obviously they are prob going to know about gay relationships sooner than kids who have no gay family or friends and I just want to be prepared roughly when this is!!

OP posts:
BravePotato · 04/06/2014 22:44

IMO, and also with a gay brother, you don't wait until the school does the sex talk.

It all came up way before that, and I talked to the DC myself.

it comes up when they ask why saying something is "gay" is a bad thing, what is gay? why is it bad? That sort of thing.

They pick things up on the playground, and IMO it is good to be always open to discuss anything that comes up, at any age!

At age 6 DS wanted to know what humping is, and what it's for! Or 'what are the doggies doing mum?"

The younger you start the sex talk, the easier it is.

NickNackNooToYou · 04/06/2014 22:44

Not sure it should be 'taught' - it just is what it is, some men marry women, men marry men, women marry women, some people never marry. Children should be brought up knowing everyone is different. My DSs(7 &9) have asked questions and I've answered them as above, they've accepted it and the conversations moved on.

My DS asked once what 'no sex' marriage was DH nearly wet himself I corrected him saying I think he meant same sex Wink

JugglingFromHereToThere · 04/06/2014 22:48

Maybe you need to think about your own relationship/ support of your DBro too. I think you need to talk about it all more with DH tbh.

As both a parent and someone who's worked as a teacher I'd say it's often not addressed adequately by schools, if at all.

Original poster
peppajay · 04/06/2014 22:49

My DH is civil to them and gets on well with both of them and we see them about 4 or 5 times a year. To the children though they are as normal as any other couple and no questions have ever been asked but we don't want to make a big deal so until any questions are asked why tell them anymore!!

OP posts:
CalamitouslyWrong · 04/06/2014 22:53

It sounds like both you and your husband have a problem with your brother being gay. Why else would you want it not to be spoken of?

JugglingFromHereToThere · 04/06/2014 22:53

Because being civil to them both isn't really enough (on your DH's part). They might appreciate yours and his friendship and support?

CockD0dger · 04/06/2014 23:03

But, OP, you are lying to your children if you are saying your brother lives with his friend when he is, in fact, his partner.

How would you feel if your family insisted on referring to your husband as your mate? Would you challenge it, or would you accept it?

Feenie · 04/06/2014 23:05

I think you have much bigger problems here than wondering when school will step in and 'normalise' this on your behalf.

Incidentally, sex education isn't even statutory until KS3 from Sept 2014, so you've no chance.

Original poster
peppajay · 04/06/2014 23:06

I am very close to my brother and gave him lots of love and support when he came out when he was 18, we are still close now but he lives 60 miles away but we talk on the phone a couple of times a week. The kids love them just like they love their other aunties and uncles and at the moment they are no different to any of their other aunties and uncles so why make a thing of '2 men being together' when it isn't an issue as we don't talk about their hetrosexual aunties and uncles in this way so surely not making a big thing of it is more normal than raising an issue when 'this issue' hasn't happened yet??? Just want to be prepared for when it is talked about or touched upon at school.

OP posts:
likklemum · 04/06/2014 23:09

Wow! I can't believe you are pandering to his prejudices against your own brother! Why didn't you just say 'no they are partners and love each other like mummy and daddy do.'
Questions (and prejudices) are addressed as they arise. There are quite a lot of children with gay parents and clearly teachers promote acceptance of a variety parents- you know, older parents, younger parents etc. There isn't usually a problem as children aren't born with prejudices. It's parents who hold prejudices. Be prepared that your story will be blown the minute anyone in his class asks anything. And I for one hope that happens sooner rather than later.

likklemum · 04/06/2014 23:11

You have already made a big thing of it by lying.

Original poster
peppajay · 04/06/2014 23:11

More often than not though we refer to them as Toby and xxx, I had never really thought about calling him partner as my bro always just refers to him by his name. I don't know how my brother refers to him whether he calls him boyfriend or partner I've just always called them by name!!!

OP posts:
lifesavingnoodles · 04/06/2014 23:13

we've always been honest with DD..... just as everyone needs to eat something ( when she got upset about the lions eating the zebra on TV)

everyone needs to love and be loved by someone, becuase love is good.
I think its important to deliver it in an age appropriate way... you wouldnt be talking about straight sex at that age, never mind any other sort....

BUT the kids need to know that we are all the same, but we are all differrent... my dd likes hotdogs but i dont, i like cheese she doesnt , but we both like bread etc

hth... im a bit too tired to articulate properly!!!!

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