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Primary education

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Original poster

when do they teach about same sex relationships?

59 replies

peppajay · 04/06/2014 21:54

Hi - just been to a sex education meeting at my kids primary school and happy with the way they are going to be teaching everything, but I have one question that I forgot to ask and don't know if any of you mums can help:
At what age do they talk about same sex relationships??

I only ask as my brother is gay and my DH thinks it is wrong and thinks any type of promotion of SS relationships is wrong. I know when we come to this there are going to huge rows and arguments so just want to be prepared for when this is going to happen.

Thanks

OP posts:
AuntieStella · 04/06/2014 23:15

If you want to know what will be discussed in your primary, you will have to go back and ask. IIRC, ours didn't cover homosexuality at all. I think it was done in SRE in KS3.

But even if it is not included in the planning for KS2, the teachers should know what they would say if a question came up, so worth asking what that would be.

Original poster
peppajay · 04/06/2014 23:19

I don't get for one minute where the lying is from where is the lying??? I have always been straight with them Toby and xxx live together and they always refer to them as Toby and xxx so why is this lying. Lying is not telling them the truth about something?? They know the truth that Toby and xxx live together what else do they need to know - to them it is perfectly normal!!

OP posts:
Purpleroxy · 04/06/2014 23:26

A 3yo can grasp this:

You marry the person you love.
You can marry a man or a woman.

Your question really isn't about your child, it's about your dh. If he is going to hold such shameful views, then he needs to keep them to himself. School could touch on the subject at any point IMO. You never know when it might come up.

mummytime · 04/06/2014 23:31

It will come up when it comes up. Which could be pretty much from day 1. Your kids could have someone with same sex parents in their class. I think my DD had a teacher in a SS relationship at Kindergarten (so 2). Your kids could meet mine, who will explain in detail how boys can marry boys and girls can marry girls. Oh and children do discover their sexuality at a wide variety of ages. My DC have also known at least one transgender child.
In all cases these were dealt with sensitively by the schools, one of which was C of E.
It is not promoting any kind of sexuality, it is promoting diversity and inclusion.

Your children need to know that Toby and xxx live together and love each other. That is fine. However just what do you think their father is going to object to? Or what do you think he is likely to say?

My DCs secondary school takes homophobic bullying extremely seriously, and that does mean they crack down on calling other pupils "gay" as well as heavier punishments for more targetted bullying.

gleegeek · 04/06/2014 23:57

I think you're being given quite a hard time OP. Your children are quite young to have any in depth question and answer sessions!

Sex ed happens unofficially, in our school whenever it comes up. But in year 5 when they have the sex ed videos they show a wide variety of relationships, all given equal status.

Dd (10)has never explicitly asked about same sex relationships (we don't know any same sex couples personally) but with the lyrics of 'I kissed a girl and I liked it' and Britain's Got Talent etc she is certainly aware that relationships come in boy/girl, girl/girl and boy/boy...

I think your dc are lucky to have an uncle in a loving relationship, who they clearly love and enjoy seeing. I think they won't see anything out of the ordinary when the subject is raised outside your home. But I can see that your dh has a steep learning curve ahead of him!

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 05/06/2014 00:25

Anywhere from nursery or reception upwards I would expect. As purpleroxy said 3 year olds can deal with it and some will have some idea about same sex relationships when they start school. Particularly if they have parents or very close relatives in same sex relationships.

There are several very common topics in Early years/KS1 where it might come up as part of the planing or children might bring it up e.g. My Family, Celebrations etc.

MrsKCastle · 05/06/2014 07:39

Have your children never seen your brother and his partner holding hands, hugging or kissing? Or does your brother feel unable to do this with your DH around?

Normally, if you have friends/family in a same-sex relationship, I'd think it would be fairly obvious just by the way they interact. Just as it is in a heterosexual relationship.

differentnameforthis · 05/06/2014 10:09

I just want to be prepared roughly when this is!

As soon as possible. And it isn't down to the school. My youngest is 5 & already knows that men sometimes love men, & women sometimes love women.

It is never too soon to learn about acceptable relationships.

allisgood1 · 05/06/2014 10:42

Why are you waiting for school to cover it OP and not doing it yourself? Confused

BillnTedsMostFeministAdventure · 05/06/2014 10:53

Op, you say you refer to them as "Toby and xx" but you also say you think your DCs assume they are in a house share, same as their aunt.

Do the DCs think other heterosexual couples in their family are just house sharing?

Honsandrevels · 05/06/2014 11:06

My dd is in reception and we've talked about boys being able to marry boys and girls marry girls. There was talk in the playground about whether boys could marry boys or not so it might come up amongst peers long before 'sex ed'.

You don't need to make it into a big reveal.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/06/2014 11:15

What's to tell.

I just told dd she can marry or live with whoever she wants when she's older. Men can marry men and women can marry women or men can marry women. You just marry the person you love. Or don't marry anyone at all if you don't want to :o

I think your kind of making a huge deal out of something that's no big deal.

ShoeWhore · 05/06/2014 11:23

I don't understand why you wouldn't talk to them about this yourself, OP.

In our case, in reception ds1 decided he wanted to marry his best friend. Cue the question "can boys marry boys?" So I explained that yes men and women can marry men or women (decided the subtleties of the differences between marriage and a civil partnership were a bit much for a 4yo Grin ) and that the main thing about getting married is that two people love each other very much and want to spend their lives together.

Totally agree it doesn't need to be a big reveal. We have close friends who are gay and we all attended their civil partnership (we all referred to it as their wedding) The children have always known they are a couple, we would never have referred to them as flatmates.

In terms of our primary school, they have covered things like some families can have 2 mums or 2 dads in the context of families coming in all shapes and sizes - also talking about adopted families, single parent families, step families, children living with grandparents - all very much framed in an accepting way.

I find your attitude to your dh's views on this very odd. What would he do if one of your dcs was gay?

AmberTheCat · 05/06/2014 11:24

I agree that it would be much better for you to start talking about your brother and his partner being people who love each other, just like mum and dad, rather than wait for school to do it. I'd worry that finding this out later would make the kids feel differently about Toby and x, whereas if the idea is just discussed naturally then they won't. I wouldn't make a big deal of it, just subtly shift the way you talk about them.

I think the most important thing is for you and your dh to sit down and work out what message you're going to give your kids about homosexuality more generally. Can you dh manage to keep his prejudices to himself, and try to avoid passing them on to the kids? How will you handle the situation if he can't?

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/06/2014 11:29

I think the trouble is when people think of gay people they think of gay sex and don't realise that the concept of the relationship and the love is the same as anyone else. So they worry about someone explaining the mechanics of it all when in fact they just need to say at this age that they are two people who love eachother.

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/06/2014 11:34

When some people, tht should say.

JugglingFromHereToThere · 05/06/2014 11:44

Yes, I'd agree with that Giles and think that's one good reason that relationship ed should start early when it will naturally be much more about accepting that relationships and families come in all shapes and sizes, and not be all about the sex which I think still makes the idea of homosexuality difficult for some of the older generation.
Up to all of us to help one another move on from such intolerance though (where it exists) as well.

donasmith111111111111 · 05/06/2014 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 05/06/2014 12:09

I cant ever imagine separating Hetero and Homo sexual relationships when talking to dd.

People fall in love. When they do, they have sex. Some people like to have sex when they arent in love too. Contraception is..... Law says...... Mum and Dad want you to know you should never ever do anythi g you dont feel totally comfortable with.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 05/06/2014 12:34

I think the MN answer to that is that you should leave the bastard, Mrs Dona Smith.

I think you are completely right, Giles and it doesn't just apply to gay relationships, it applies to Sex ed in general to a certain extent. When we talk about teaching SRE in reception, it's not necessarily about teaching 4 year olds about contraception and STIs and 'destroying their innocence' by giving them info they don't need. It's about proper names for parts of the body, talking about families relationships within them and how not everybody's families are the same. It gets gently built upon year on year in an age appropriate way.

ShoeWhore · 05/06/2014 12:43

Grin Rafa.

Totally agree Giles

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 05/06/2014 12:53

I have reported it. Clearly whichever bot was responsible scanning for key words for that has not quite got the gist of the thread Grin

Wonder how many threads in relationships they got that on.

CockD0dger · 05/06/2014 12:55

Just to clarify, OP: you said you have never lied to your DCs as you have never referred to your brother's partner as his friend.

You did. In your second post on this thread.

That is what I was referring to when I said you are not telling them the truth about it. It seems you don't even know you are doing it.

I think a discussion with your DCs would really help so that it is not a dirty secret or 'unspoken' issue.

Why wait for the school to do it?

Gileswithachainsaw · 05/06/2014 13:32

It's also a shame that people assume that any type of education is promoting something.

It's not. It just giving kids a rounded education knowing about all the things that people think and feel.

A five year old won't think to themselves "oh I'm going to be gay now"

But when they get to the age that they start having feelings about people they hopefully will think back to that lesson or that time mummy told them about it, and realise that it's normal and nothing to be ashamed of and that they shouldn't hide away or pretend the feelings don't exist.

I don't know what people are so afraid of tbh.

RiverTam · 05/06/2014 13:33

I'm surprised that it hasn't come up already, DD is 4 and has already asked if she can marry her best (female) friend and I said she could. She's immersed in Disney princesses at the mo which isn't great, but she does know (I think) that she can marry whoever she loves, male or female, prince(ss) or pauper!

I have to say, I really don't think I could be with a man who held homophobic views, even more so if a sibling I was close to was gay.