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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Why shouldn't DCs go to the school where DH is Head?

55 replies

HeadteachersPet · 06/11/2013 19:26

I've nc'd for this as I don't want to out myself/DH/DCs before they even start their new school!
So, DH is starting a new job soon at a school a lot closer to home than his last one, our 2 DCs have always wanted to go to their dads school and he is quite happy for them to move.
The only thing I am a little concerned about is that other parents at the school might feel this is not really appropriate, also they may feel a little weird when it comes to birthday parties or inviting my DCs round to play. I have 2 friends with DCs already at this school and they say there is no school-gate mafia to worry about.
Has anybody any experience of this from either perspective? What can possibly go wrong?

OP posts:

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PotteringAlong · 06/11/2013 19:27

I went to the same primary school that my mum taught at and high school my dad taught at. Neither of them actually taught me and it was fine.

AuntieStella · 06/11/2013 19:29

One of my DC was at school with the deputy head's DD. No problems, AFAIK.

kerala · 06/11/2013 19:29

Fine at primary secondary less so - and I had a parent at both...

SatinSandals · 06/11/2013 19:29

It happens quite a lot. Just a bit tough on the children as they are not likely to get away with much and are unlikely to get chosen for a lot in case it looks like favouritism.

SatinSandals · 06/11/2013 19:30

e.g difficult for them to be chosen in a lead part for the play.
Much easier in primary, much more difficult for them at secondary.

CaterpillarCara · 06/11/2013 19:30

Several senior staff at my children's school have their own children there. It's fine, I think.

TheDoctrineOfWho · 06/11/2013 19:32

Are there spare places for both?

makemineapinot · 06/11/2013 19:33

I've taught both my dc and my mum taught at my primary school too. Know of a few schools where teachers, dht or ht's children attend the school they work at with no problems. It does mean they are unlikely to be picked for parts etc as others have said. And it's up to your dh as ht to keep it all professional.

Bigfingers · 06/11/2013 19:34

I also went to a school my mum taught at, and it was not completely without issue (teasing, etc) but certainly not a massive problem. I think it might depend on how big the school is... the smaller the more problematic, possibly. Since you are talking about primary school, your dcs are obviously v young, and probably think they will get to interact with daddy, which obvs won't really be the case at school, so they may be disappointed, and it may affect their settling in period. Other parents may find it awkward wrt play dates. As they get older they may be very self-conscious about it.

ajandjjmum · 06/11/2013 19:35

Many of the teachers at DC's school had children there, and it added to the overall friendly family feel.

Noggie · 06/11/2013 19:36

It will be fine and you might find that at primary level your dc to be more popular as a result! One of my bf is in your position and the only negative is that on very rare occasions one or two if the mums might try and find out things about school through you- avoid those types!

Bigfingers · 06/11/2013 19:37

sorry just reread that and realised you may not be talking about primary school. as you were

Pachacuti · 06/11/2013 19:41

I think it often works well at primary. DD's head teacher's daughter is at the school and the big advantage for the rest of us is that we can pressgang the head into playing for the parents' team against the teachers on sports day .

I think it does mean that your DC will probably never get picked for anything, though, and that's something to discuss with them.

Bigfingers · 06/11/2013 19:42

also to add, I was academically quite strong, and there was always an assumption that was something to do with my mum, like that she was giving me extra tuition or something, even though she was French teacher and I did sciences. it was irrational, but people are. It annoyed me. It was also quite weird seeing my mum walking about and not really being able to talk to her. I went to quite a 'naice' school as well. I think it's possible if the kids are more judgemental it could be more awkward.

Original poster

HeadteachersPet · 06/11/2013 19:46

This is all very positive from parents not having a problem with it keep it up please!

There are places for them Doctorine - it's an outstanding school but there are places in their particular year groups so it's all legit, honest.

I'm sure DH will expect them to be beacons of excellence (aarf) at all times but I trust him to do the right thing when they're not.

OP posts:

BoysRule · 06/11/2013 19:47

My niece and nephew go to the school their dad is head of (prep school). My nephew is head boy, had the lead in the school play and wins the top prizes every speech day. He is bright and talented and probably deserved these things - however, I can only imagine what the other parents are saying.

The only reason I think it might not work is if your DCs aren't given prizes/awards/parts in plays etc that they would otherwise have been given due to perceived favouritism. That really isn't fair on them.

Wellthen · 06/11/2013 19:51

A head moving to a new school and then soon after moving his children there says a lot! I realise you're doing it because the children want to and its convinient but to other parents it will come across as huge vote of confidence in his staff. Go for it.

ArbitraryUsername · 06/11/2013 20:07

I think it would also depend on how big the school was and how close it was to other schools/how good the alternatives were. In a teeny tiny school it would be harder to maintain the kind of distance you'd probably want. In a big high school, it would make less difference as you'd never encounter each other (I don't think I ever so much as spoke directly to the HT at my high school in the entire time I was there). Although, ironically, that the kids would be more likely to pick up on it and make it a big deal.

It would also depend on whether they'd be able to get places. DS2's HT's daughter goes to a different local school, that we could have gotten DS2 in to. But our school has a smaller 'catchment' area than the other school every year, and I don't think the HT actually lives close enough for her to have gotten a place at his school any way. Most of the schools round here are fine anyway, but I can imagine you'd feel differently if you happened to be HT of the only decent school in the local area.

One of my colleagues' daughter came to study on our degree programme. That was quite odd and we had to make all sorts of arrangements to ensure that he wasn't marking her work and stuff. She used her mother's maiden name too, because she wanted to keep it quiet anyway. I don't think any of the other students on the programme found out. I did think it was strange. If it had been me, I'd've chosen any other university than the one my dad worked at if I was determined to study the same subject.

MissWimpyDimple · 06/11/2013 20:56

The headmasters DD was at school with me in primary. I can't recall it being an issue at all. In fact I don't think anyone really cared. Whether the class teacher might feel a bit differently is another matter. I have a feeling the teachers won't be lining up to have your DCs in their classes.

DeWe · 06/11/2013 20:58

My head at secondary had a tale to tell about his first day as a head. (before I arrived) His two boys started at the same time, one in 6th form, one lower down (year 9?)

By the end of lunch his younger son had been sent to him for a caning. Not sure exactly what had happened, but I know 2 broken windows were part of it.

The comment from the head was that his younger son felt a need to prove he wasn't going to be a "goody goody" and went a little too far in the opposite direction.

cathpip · 06/11/2013 21:02

My mum was my A Level Geography teacher and my head of year, mum made it abundantly clear that whilst at work she was a teacher, nobody minded and my friends still came over for sleep overs!

marriedinwhiteisback · 06/11/2013 21:08

Hmm. Our best friends have just split after 25 years of marriage. The DH is a headmaster; his dd, 16, went/goes to his school. He has just left his wife for a slapper of a teacher he employed - two families destroyed and a super duper example of how to behave from the SLT. It is all over the school and local community and his dd is beyond embarrassed and totally mortified - and her father is likely to be dismissed I think.

It depends on the conduct of the parents working at the school.

teacherwith2kids · 06/11/2013 21:08

Parents' evenings would be....weird!

wiltingfast · 06/11/2013 21:09

Honestly? I think for the dc it adds a completely unnecessary extra dimension to cope with at school. Might all be fine, might not. But regardless, it is something extra they have to cope with.

I get the impression they are already in a school from your op? If so I'd leave them where they are. Tbh I find it hard to believe they're dying to go to dad' school but maybe they are v young?

As others have said, it's not such an issue in primary, big issue in secondary.

I had both my parents at. My secondary and then my dm also became the head. It was fine and I coped, I'm not the type that is easily teased but looking back, I feel angry that I had to spend my teens managing that extra issue. The teens are not that easy anyway. I never fully trusted my classmates and I'm only in touch sporadically with one now.

Tinlegs · 06/11/2013 21:11

No issue at all at my (tiny) secondary school. Nearly all the teachers have had children there. The head has had 3. My two are there and I teach them both. It makes all sorts of things much easier.

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