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Primary education

Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Original poster

Why shouldn't DCs go to the school where DH is Head?

55 replies

HeadteachersPet · 06/11/2013 19:26

I've nc'd for this as I don't want to out myself/DH/DCs before they even start their new school!
So, DH is starting a new job soon at a school a lot closer to home than his last one, our 2 DCs have always wanted to go to their dads school and he is quite happy for them to move.
The only thing I am a little concerned about is that other parents at the school might feel this is not really appropriate, also they may feel a little weird when it comes to birthday parties or inviting my DCs round to play. I have 2 friends with DCs already at this school and they say there is no school-gate mafia to worry about.
Has anybody any experience of this from either perspective? What can possibly go wrong?

OP posts:

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firsttimemama · 06/11/2013 21:20

Why do your kids want to move schools? What do they think they will get out of it? This scenario is not the same as the parent working at the local school or the kids first choice school.

nametakenagain · 06/11/2013 21:21

Two members of my family were their mum's class in primary and found it very hard although she thought it was fine. My dc is in a class taught by a mum, and the mum isn't able to split her role as teacher from mum (primary again). In my secondary school, their mums being teachers was a big problem for two girls. I would avoid.

Zingy123 · 06/11/2013 21:31

My three cousins had their Dad as Head at secondary and their Mum teaches there too. They were fine it caused no issues at all.

Original poster

HeadteachersPet · 06/11/2013 21:34

Why do your kids want to move schools?

Because they think their dad is the bees knees and they want to be with him as much as possible, they are only 6 & 8 so I don't think they've given a lot of thought as to what they will get out of it.

I'm very relaxed about how my DH and DCs will handle this, I was after opinions on how other parents at the school might view the situation.

(Thanks for that, marriedinwhite , I hope the daily presence of two small kids will keep the 'slappers' away )

OP posts:

celestialsquirrels · 06/11/2013 21:37

My dd is in a y 3 class with the Heads daughter (head is her mother). It is fine. She socialises as usual and has play dates and whatever. Really doesn't seem to be a problem.

louby44 · 06/11/2013 21:37

My 2 DS go/went to the school I teach at. DS14 is now at secondary school but DS10 is still with me at my school in Year 6. I've never taught either of them though.

We also had another teacher whose son attended (just moved onto secondary) and a couple of TA's still have children in school.

We're a small village primary school and it works really well. My Ds10 has got into trouble a few times (behaviour/falling out with friends) so that can be a bit awkward but he is really treated no differently to any other child in the school.

I did find it strange at first but it makes life very much easier for me as I know what's going on with ALL aspects of school life - good & bad.

I think it's a positive! Go for it!

marriedinwhiteisback · 06/11/2013 21:39

Unfortunately OP the presence of our friend's dd didn't keep the slapper away or stop him from misbehaving. I hope your dh will never ever do what our friend has done but I can tell you that his dd's mother rues the day she agreed to her dd going to his school (it was a hard decision at the time) and the impact of his behaviour, very publicly , on his dd's GCSE results. All happened too late to move her and unfortunately one never knows what life holds and I think this is a perfect example of not mixing business with personal life. I certainly wouldn't give either of my dc a job; either for them or for me.

AltogetherAndrews · 06/11/2013 21:40

My dad was head at my secondary, and it wasn't good. Any achievement was assumed to be because of my dad, not my own merit. I was a target for bullying, got spat on in the street, and lost friends, some because they were embarrassed to be around me, and some because they got into trouble with my dad, and took it out on me. Several unprofessional teachers made my life a misery because they had issues with my dad. They couldn't get at him, so they got at me instead. Every year, the new kids went through the point and whisper routine in the corridors. Not good when you are already self conscious. I felt I had to rebel, and as soon as I left school, I left the area. To this day, if I bump into old school friends, they introduce me their partners as mr Andrew's daughter. I could never be myself, and it took me a long time to get over it.
Maybe it wouldn't be so bad at primary, and I suppose it also depends on whether your DH is likely to be liked by the pupils and staff.
I don't blame my dad for taking the job, and he was very good at it, but it was hard on me. It's not something I would do if I could avoid it.

Catmint · 06/11/2013 21:42

Our head teacher's son was at my secondary school. He got by fine, and was a thoroughly lovely chap.

ShoeWhore · 06/11/2013 21:53

We all went to the primary where my dad was head and it was fine. The HT's Ds is in my ds's class at school and again afaik it's fine.

Tbh I think if you don't make a big fuss about it then that's the best strategy. Only downsides I can think of were my parents maybe being a bit more selective about who came for tea and really being in trouble when I got into trouble It def helped that he was v popular with pups and parents, can imagine it being much harder if they weren't liked much.

NoComet · 06/11/2013 22:04

Living in a very rural area this was totally normal. The next primary was 5 miles away the next secondary 8 or 10.

DFs of mine had both Mum and Dad teaching at the primary. I think the younger sister had mum as her reception teacher and dad as HT (he was deputy while I was there). It obviously didn't put her off school as she is a primary teacher too

My senior school year had two science teachers sons, the geography masters son and the director of education's for the counties DD. The deputy HT' s DD was in the year above.

We never teased any of them and in fact we felt a bit sorry for the physical masters son because his DF was a bit grumpy.

Every O level lesson went - Tell off 'Fred', tell off CD, tell off Star.

Non of us actually had to do anything wrong. Fred had annoyed him in the past, DS was his DS and I was a girl. He could only cope with sweet, quiet obedient girls

The only time I've heard anything against teachers and their DC' s is my dear, but, twitchy friend complaining about favouritism in play parts etc. for the teachers DD.

(Trouble was teachers DD was good and could learn lines, she did something out of school with DD2)

CiderwithBuda · 06/11/2013 22:06

Haven't seen it be a problem either. Obv it all depends on the people involved. At DS's school a lot of the teachers have DCs at the school including the head. We had some issues with DS settling (move from overseas into year 6) and I went t look at another school and the head there told me that at one point he had one of his dc at his own school and the other at DS's current school and vice versa! Just different schools suiting different children more.

sandiy · 06/11/2013 22:08

The problem is in my opinion as head teacher you are privy to lots of information that other parents are not aware of eg safeguarding and try as you might it's very difficult to choose your children's friends.
How would you manage if your child's new best friend is the child of domestic violence,or a drug abusing family.Or that there is other stuff going on that you would rather your child have no contact with.
I live well away from where I work so I don't have to encounter families that I know too much about,also I don't want my children to have to face any abuse from angry parents when we are out doing family stuff.To be fair I work in a very very deprived area so you may not have these concerns.

GooFawkes · 06/11/2013 22:13

A member of DD1's class as a mum working at our school. Recently I was trying to rearrange DS's cycling course as he had been off sick. I emailed the school, but the teacher texted me back. I hadn't wanted to use her personal number for a school matter.

HmmAnOxfordComma · 06/11/2013 22:25

My friend's husband is a primary HT and their son goes to his school. All fine.

It is one of their two most local schools, and the one they would have chosen for him regardless of whether his Dad was the Head.

Also, as my friend said, it's a bad advert for your school if you wouldn't send your own child there!

mawbroon · 06/11/2013 22:35

My parents both taught in the secondary where I went to school.

It was awful.

kerala · 06/11/2013 23:09

It is bad at secondary. Sitting in whole school assembly given by your dad - horrors. Teenage years hard enough. Definitely affected my personality at the time really kept my head down and tried to be invisible sure if dad hadn't been senior teacher I would have been much more confident.

Ferguson · 06/11/2013 23:19

Our DS's Headteacher at a rural primary school had both his children there, and there were no problems at all. I was a parent helper there for five years so would have noticed if there had been difficulties.

fanjofarrow · 06/11/2013 23:22

My mum used to be a teacher when my elder brothers were little (primary school age) before her later change of career. She taught both of them with no issues whatsoever.

DalmationDots · 07/11/2013 00:11

Only issue is if your DC are the type who would want to be head boy/girl, they can never be that. Same goes with awards, it can be tricky. But usually the prestige they get from being the head's DC is enough!
As long as you aren't like my DC's old head's child who would regularly use the line 'My Dad is head here so I can do what I want'...

I think it is different for secondary, and some DC need space/their own life.

BackforGood · 07/11/2013 00:28

My Mum taught at the Junior School I went to, and I hated it, and still resent it a bit to this day, tbh - at least to the extent that I'd never have my dc in the school I taught at.
If you get chosen for something / publicly praised / etc, there's all the whispered "well, it's only because they are Mrs x's children" and I actually felt I didn't get selected for some things, that I otherwise might have, so the staff weren't accused of favouritism. (Might just have been my perception - difficult to prove, but it's how I felt). That's just with my Mum being an 'ordinary teacher' I can see it being worse if she'd been the HT.

You see enough threads on here where parents are having a fit of pique because a child has been chosen for something (usually a part in the school play) when their parent is on the PTA - you can imagine those same folks would be fit to burst if the parent were the HT

I have a friend who teaches at the school her dc go to (she got the job after they'd all started there) and she finds it a bit uncomfortable at times.

rabbitstew · 07/11/2013 09:10

It depends on how well your dh goes down as HT. If he is not generally liked and a lot of people mourn the loss of the old HT, it would be better not to have his children there! Starting new at a school deemed to be outstanding before you arrive runs the risk that it can only go downhill from there (or, eg, said HT realises it's not all it's been cracked up to be, tries to make changes and everyone hates them because they still think the school is the bees knees and doesn't need improving or changing in any way)... Easier to bring your children into a school where the previous head was despised and things can only get better.

I agree with those who say it is probably worse at secondary school, though, because the children themselves will by that point be more aware of any mixed or bad feelings towards them. I've seen some quite vitriolic comments on the internet from disgruntled children feeling a HT's children are being favoured unfairly in sport, music and drama productions... and those comments are clearly being further fuelled by a minority of negative parental opinion. The internet has made things potentially harder for everyone, because a vitriolic, vociferous minority can publicise their opinions far and wide.

IndigoTea · 07/11/2013 09:27

I would much rather out my DS where my DH is head.

ShoeWhore · 07/11/2013 09:30

One other thing to consider is how much you need the support network of other parents.

My friend's dh got a headship in a new town and they sent their dcs to his (primary) school. I think it's got a bit better now but to start with the other parents were a bit standoffish with my friend - polite but def keeping their distance - as she didn't know anyone locally I think she found it quite tough.

SuperScribbler · 07/11/2013 10:55

At DS's school (primary) the headteacher has both his children in the school and his wife is a regular supply teacher. We are a close knit community and it causes no problems AFAIK. I've also become friends with his wife, as have a few other mums. Again no issues - we all manage to keep our various relationships - social and professional - separate. I've not heard any negative comments from parents or pupils so far.

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