Does every class have a high maintenance parent?

[Rottenluck]

According to said friend: The teacher coming to the house prior to the start of reception was just an excuse for snooping, the settling in was a waste of time, the reading books are crap, and now there's something wrong with the nativity.

We're only half way through the first term of reception and I just want to tell my friend to button it! It's a good school, her first choice but in her eyes they will never get it right. 9 times out of 10 she has to speak to the teacher at pick up and they have already had several heated discussions about the reading books. Her DC apparently warrants twice as much of the teachers time at parents evening.

She's so absorbed in her battle with them she's lost sight of what really matters and I can't help thinking she won't ever be taken seriously as she complains so much.

Yes - it's fun to watch.

I need to take that attitude, rather than letting her get on my nerves!

Oh yes, it's the rules and it's funny and annoying in equal measures. they hog all of the teacher's time and find a reason to disagree with everything the school say.

They are usually the ones taking photos at the Nativity when they aren't allowed having bagged a front row seat by turning up before the doors open and insist on being let in.

Can you be the voice of reason? The ones I know I have observed from afar rather than being friends with them.

Oh yes I think every school has them. My 2 dc are now in juniors, the teachers no longer bring them into the play ground at the end of school like they did in infants. I personally think they are hiding from the pushy parents!!

We are at the other end of primary school now and with hindsight I would say make yourself a bit pushier too - I have always been compliant, stood back and watched the pushy mums, now I realise that their DC get picked for everything, they get more information than others on what the child/class/school are doing and they certainly get more than the 2minutes I got at parents evening last night before being physically (literally) helped out of the door.

tell her she should save it for something serious. they will have her labelled as a troublemaker and a PITA. Either that or she will become class rep and one of those ghastly women making tea at parents' evening and deciding who deserves a cup of it or not....

I do tend to disagree with her as I am happy with the school but i feel smiling and nodding is a safer bet otherwise she is going to fall out with me! She really is lovely in every other aspect but she seems to lose the plot about school.

omletta - totally agree. In fact, I think I could predict the school's head boy and girl when they get to Y6 from the current Y1 - they just have those kind of parents

Every class has them, early years are worse as parents of pfbs are just so bloody keen. Think the school will change 10 yr old rules just for them etc

Though my son is head boy in year 11 and I've never been a pushy mum, he is where he is 100% because of his own hard work.

"now I realise that their DC get picked for everything"

Bollocks.

Clam. Oh yeah, like that never happens... Went to one school play where it was blindingly obvious that the lead girl - who did a terrible job and for some unknown reason spent most of her time on stage trying to touch her nose with the tip of her tongue- was chosen soley on the basis of the mother's importance on the school council. Call me cynical but I don't believe teachers are immune to parent pester power.

Wish I had been a 'pushy mum', when I thought things were going wrong in reception - wish I had been a pushy mum when dd was telling me she didn't like going to school - wish I had been a pushy mum when I realised she wasn't progressing. I was always told she was OK at the class door and never made that appointment.

Year 2, two weeks in, we pulled her out and sent her to another school, best thing we ever did. I often wonder if I had been pushy parent would we be as happy with her education as we are now in Yr 3.

babygiraffes you have NO IDEA of the reasoning behind staff choices for lead roles.
It pisses me off no end when people make the lazy and cliched assumption that "it's because her mum's on the PTA" when, in my 27 years' experience of primary teaching, such decisions are based on hours of careful thought/discussion/auditions. In fact, I think it's fair to say that a pushy parent probably does more to ensure their child does not get a lead part.

I have a couple of high maintenance sets of parents plus another couple that take up time whilst a not really pushing about their children per se, however I would say KTK9 that this isn't the same at all about speaking up when something genuinely not right.

And I would never cast a show etc based on a parent! Never!

In fact the only time I've taken the parents into account when casting a Nativity is when the gender split in class meant that my 3 kings were going to be female.
One of my girls up for the role, before casting, decided to indulge in a spot of home hairdressing and cut all her long hair off. Her mum was so distraught that I cast the little girl as an angel instead - I didn't think her mum could cope with her being cast in a traditionally male role !

But parental pressure - no way!

I know someone like the OP is describing and her dc is definitely treated differently, eg was able to do SATs in a room by themselves so they weren't distracted by the rest of the class. Lots of singling out and favouritism. Not in my class so didn't directly affect me but I listened to the fall out and resentment from the other mums in that class.

"her dc is definitely treated differently, eg was able to do SATs in a room by themselves so they weren't distracted by the rest of the class."

How do you know there wasn't a perfectly valid educational reason for that? It was highly unlikely to have beendown to parental whim.

I mean, really. Do you really think that teachers are that bloody stupid?

Some schools have more than others. There is much discussion at school gates at dd's school about every detail of curriculum and running of the school, lots of worrying about who has which book and worrying in case our pfbs get 'behind'. We are in reception, and I feel like its my first year at school as well.
I'm a secondary teacher and I'd rather some of my students parents were more pushy really. Saddens me that I teach children who have maths skills similar to my dd, when I call home its so much better to have a good conversation about what is going wrong, rather than get disinterest, or even failing to find a working contact number.
(I also think home visit waste of time, ORT are awful, settling in seems very drawn out.. parents who are also teachers are prob the worst )

Clam - Obviously your school is different to mine. At mine speaking parts are word counted and logged throughout primary, and if a child has less words on average, extra text is written. Because otherwise the high maintenance parents are there like a shot complaining that their little darling has had less lines than other children. I kid you not.

bisjo any child doing SATs in a room on their own has ishoos - I have a very unable child at the moment in year 7 getting taunted by peers because they perceive that his parents 'get him' attention, its very sad and obviously untrue - teachers don't single out children due to parental pressure - parents who have children with SEN do need to spend more time talking to the teachers and sadly they often need to fight for their kids to get a fair crack at education.

Definitely no SEN needs in the case I described and no lack of teacher contact in a class of 14.

Is that my son you're describing, Bisjo?
Class of 14 -- tick.
SATs in private -- tick
Personal attention and long, long parent meetings -- big tick.
Bright as they make 'em -- also tick.

But he does have SEN all the same, and i wouldn't be discussing them with you. Nor would the teachers, if they know their job (and most do).

Do you chase other parents around the car park after parents' evening just so you can report how fab your meeting was? If so then I definitely know you Kitties

Any parent coming in to kick off about their pfb having fewer lines than another child gets short shrift from staff. It doesn't tend to happen much anymore.

I would guess that the staff in your school have made a rod for their own backs in their mis-guided attempt to make things 'fay-er.' Sure, pick a play that has a range of similarly-sized parts for a good number of children to have a go, but if anyone is seriously wasting their time adding lines just to placate 'pushy parents,' then I'm not surprised that such a culture has evolved.