Does every class have a high maintenance parent?

[Rottenluck]

According to said friend: The teacher coming to the house prior to the start of reception was just an excuse for snooping, the settling in was a waste of time, the reading books are crap, and now there's something wrong with the nativity.

We're only half way through the first term of reception and I just want to tell my friend to button it! It's a good school, her first choice but in her eyes they will never get it right. 9 times out of 10 she has to speak to the teacher at pick up and they have already had several heated discussions about the reading books. Her DC apparently warrants twice as much of the teachers time at parents evening.

She's so absorbed in her battle with them she's lost sight of what really matters and I can't help thinking she won't ever be taken seriously as she complains so much.

[mam29]

mmm thinking about it

old school 2spring to mind.

1 was fixated from 1st day back year 2 and most of ay through year 1 with speaking to teacher in the morning she would park her buggy in the doorway so no one could get past, a sign then went on classroom window unless urgent speak to me after school or book an appointment!

All through year 1 she volunteered as a reading helper to spy on other kids and ork out where her own child was.

All through summer unforytunatly shes on my fb freinds list and one of my freinds is neighbour and bumped into her at libary she intensivly coached her dd as brought entire ort collection off amazon.

September everyone thourght she was barking as she became more needy of teachers time every other day she was in the classroom.
However given fact I dislike her parenting and approach it was found out they had got her childs maths levels wrong typo error and she was placed bottom group for maths when she shouldent be and her dd was behind in reading I think if she hadent pushed her dd wouldent have made much progress as few others dident including mine:(

The 2nd was a freind convinced her child was advanced not being stretched enough. I think her r1 teacher who was also reception managed her and used to pacify her by giving her dd extra reading books giving her impression her dd was above average,
Then when end of trem year 1report came out she rang querying and worried about her childs nc grades/levels when she knew full well they were good.

Start yera 2 her child was on top table, she continually asked and bragged about reading levels. whilst saying she wasent bothered about levels.When she had freinds over for tea she used to look in their bookbags.

Shes finding year 2 teacher hard as shes less time and seemed to hate parents going in and question her as dared to be pushy after 2years of being neek and placid and dident get us anywhere so we left.


I was on pta i joined to get to know people,help schoo/support and was handy for hearing things I may not have heard as many pta were freindly with governers. But dident give dd any elevated status or advantage.

I think theres diffrenence between prominant and pushy.

The same girl played mary in nativity for 2years.
My dd got crappy parts in both 2years and got realy upset.
last year they had primary olympics betwen local primaries 2 from each class to compete against other local schools dd was chosen.
The ones who were picked were quiet and studious not sporty.
School council 2from each class seems really odd people too.
Some mums in dd school worked at the school.
One mum used to go out with her childs year 2 teacher which I would find awquard.

Hubby says im being paranoid but its about perception I think of how that child,you as parents and family are veiwed.
I say this as all the down to earth average parents without rangerover, northface coat were never picked for anything prominant.

It used to be parents evening -you all saw parents in hall.
You could then wander down to classrom look at your childs book, wall work-did say on letter please only veiw your childs work so guess somethings happened.

At new school still working out where pecking order is.
Think i can now identify least 3members of pta and havent monoploised the teacher too much as we new we sometimes have lots questions so try to speak to teacher once a week for quick update and where do i go to get this.

Her new teacher leaving after xmas so going to book end of term appointment before she goes to see how dd getting on as missed their parents evening on october as only just started next one not until spring and year 2sats on may.

Hopefully getting balance right and all the other mums not saying omg whos this new neurotic mum at school.
It does seem less competative and more informal at new school.

Its easy to judge and think most are a pain but some have genuine problems. I really should have got pushy in year 1 not say back and trusted them blindly.

I conclude-reading schemes are pretty crap
omg hated the home visit.
hated the sarcastic snappy notes in the homework diary.

im slowly building up trust and confidence in teachers again as feel badly let down and treated by old school.

[RaisinBoys]

Yes there are HMP in every school.

There are also HMP children (unsurprisingly the offspring of the above) who try to dominate and impose themselves at every opportunity - the last class assembly was a case in point.

It's all a bit tedious and sometimes amusing and I find the best way to avoid it is to go onto school only when necessary

[RandomMess]

Yep the HMP in one class only speaks to the parents if their dc are potential friends for her pfb, helps at sports day merely to cheer on her child and tell her how wonderful she is... etc etc etc

[CindySherman]

Oh yes. Tends to wear off a bit but only a bit....

[Lavenderhoney]

Oh yes, usually in groups of 3-4, chuntering daily. They send out emails en masse moaning about indoor shoes. They put their kids in after school program's for maths and then moan about too much home work from the school as they already get homework form extra tutoring. The rat race has begun..

I recently had to go and talk to the teacher, having discovered they had gone to her as a group saying they represented all the mums in.... I was very cross as I had no issue with homework and disliked being represented in this way.

Coffee mornings - was looking forward to a nice chat but had to leave early:) turned into a rant about making the school better ( ie suit them and their mad ideas ) and wanted to put a committee together.

I must say if I have any issues I discuss it with the teacher and see the head if need be - but it's to do with my dc, and I don't impose on others. I am very quick to take my 5 mins at the end of class though:)

My dm says they miss work and don't have enough to do. I thinks she's right.

[Jinsei]

My dd is one of those kids who gets picked for everything. It might annoy other people, I don't know, but she certainly doesn't get picked because of me. I don't volunteer at the school (work FT and don't have time), don't serve on the PTA (went to one meeting but found it too cliquey) and don't talk to the teacher when I do pick-up or drop-off (have never felt the need). I don't know why she gets chosen for stuff, but I do know that it isn't down to my efforts!

[beanandspud]

I'm sure there are HMPs in every school.

I remember being taken round DS's school by the Head Teacher and she said very clearly "we want parents to be part of the school - we just don't want them in the classroom - that's our job".

Point taken, and I completely agree. The HMPs may try to get in there every day but it is up to the school and the teacher to deal with it.

[headinhands]

I reckon teachers would rather have the pain of HMP any day as opposed to the sad reality of the DGAF ones.

[stinkinseamonkey]

well the HMPs I came across weren't in talking about SENs, they were complaining that the menu wasn't organic (they knew this when they viewed it), they were demanding to know what personal issues made the manager take time off and why someone with personal issues was looking after children in the first place , wanting to know the educational value of every activity etc

• I know because they'd phone me up and demand I complain about these things too!

[Lollydaydream]

It 's depressing to read that volunteering for the PTA or helping in the classroom is taken as being synonymous with being pushy and overinvolved......

[difficultpickle]

Lolly it isn't. There are degrees. You can volunteer for the PTA without letting everyone know that you are on first names terms with the head and frequently phone him for chats about your pfb's progress.

[EnjoyResponsibly]

Yeah, we've got a couple. The rest of us have agreed to let them get on with it and we'll travel in their slipstream. That way they get to do all the agitating, and we get to spend more time mumsnet ting with the kids.

[difficultpickle]

Sometimes they can be useful in passing on information about school that you would never have dreamed to ask any teacher (or had the balls to ask). I take it all with a large pinch of salt. The worst thing I find is if I accidentally compete by mentioning something that ds has done. It is always the case that their dcs has done it earlier, faster, better, in more detail, higher marks etc etc. Even if none of it is actually true. The older ds gets the more chilled I get.

[IShallWearMidnight]

I know a High Maintenance Family - one parent deals with the primary school, the other deals with the secondary. There's much eye-rolling when the secondary one stands up at parents information evenings and starts... Latest was when PFB didn't get predicted grades in an exam, and HMP demanded to know why DC had been told grades before HMP, as PFB was in tears . How they are going to cope when the DC reach adulthood and they can't control everything around them any more

[HappyMummyOfOne]

I thought that too Lolly, i love volunteering at school and play a big part on the pta but i do it because i love too not because i want to gain favours or am pushy. As for the comment that those who volunteer at school should be spending that time with their own child, words fail me. Not only would my child be at school so not sure how im meant to spend time with them instead but presumably you think all the nice extras that volunteers do appear by magic.

There are HM parents at our school but they are too busy trying to chat to teachers etc to actually help on the pta.

[mam29]

Agree with happy mummy the hp ones were not on the pta but used to like to moan anyway.

Couple months ago i get you on pta what you going to do about lost property and kids losing their jumpers/cardies like its within the ptas control.

A lot of pta tried to influence school and make positive changes but rarly did we get things changed, we mainly school dogsbody and school events lot of hard graft no glory or thanks so now have quiet admiration for pta.

Dont get the comment about school dinners as our lea decides the menu and and all local schools have the same.

[rabbitstew]

And then there are those awful parents who spoil your enjoyment of school plays, etc, by complaining loudly that it's the same child every year who gets the best parts, something you hadn't actually noticed and didn't really care about, you just wanted to enjoy watching something that a lot of people had put a lot of hard work into.

[Sparklingbrook]

I assume if your child goes by bike or coach as mine do if I wanted to be a HMP I would have to send lots of emails in about absolutely everything?

I remember at First School the teacher actually said to one boy something along the lines of 'You had better make sure that is done X as we don't want your Mum coming in again do we?'

[stinkinseamonkey]

agree with happy mum the HMPs I knew never ever did anything to help ever! they would let everyone else help out then whinge that the christmas party wasn't to their standards never ever ever put hands in pockets at events to raise money for the kids outings etc.. but turned up to every fund raising event (both of them! during what I know are their usual working hours so they would both take the day off to go!) and ate all the cakes you are supposed to make a contribution for without putting any money in.. then complained that they thought outings were a bit shite!

Complained the santa wasn't that good, even though they barged their LO to the front of the line TWICE to get two gos/presents. Didn't offer to BE the santa though!

They couldn't ever get involved because then they couldn't complain as it would be their doing!

Same with community events, they turn up and whinge that it doesn't have this or that, but neither of them ever help out with anything. Entitled pricks!

[learnandsay]

To be frank, if it was a parents'/pta event and a person complained to, or around me, in that fashion I'd just tell them to shut up.

[stinkinseamonkey]

I did suggest they give it a go and see if they could do better, never stopped them from cornering me for another whinge next time! I'm not really a smile and nodder!

[roadkillbunny]

This thread is making me feel rather sad.
I wonder how I am viewed by parents who have their first born in the reception class with my (second born) ds this year and are therefore new to the school and don't already know me.
I speak to the teacher every moring and afternoon, at least twice a week I will have a longer meeting with teacher after school. I seem to be constantly at school, for parents night the reception teacher is starting early to both make sure i could see the Yr and dd's Y3 teacher one after the other and so that instead of the standard 15 min appointment we can have 45 mins. Top it off many of the patents will have had their child come home and say 'X hit me today', 'x scratched tommy' 'x was hurting other children in the playground', 'x messed up our game', 'x was calling out at carpet time' and I could go on and on. It probably seems like I have an ill behaved, violent child and I take up too much of teachers time. The other children may comment to their parents that my ds got to pick the story because he didn't hit anyone today.
I would hope that people would understand that they don't know the ins and outs if every child and family. I have sergested that we have a home school book so I am not taking up so much teacher time but the teacher would rather speak properly face to face.
What others it seems don't always see is that I am not the PITA mother of the naughty violent bully I am the mother of the despritly struggling little boy with segnificant SN who is despritly upset about other children being hurt and is working frantically with the school to get the right support in place, to get the right profferionals involved to both get a diagnosis for ds (Likly ASD I'd similar) and to try and get funding to get ds the support he needs which in turn safeguards the other children. These things unfortunately take time and it really doesn't help matters to read some of the views expressed here. I mean the mother of the child who took his SATs in a private room, he will have SEN of some sort, has it ever occurred to you that she over shares his achievements because she wants to focus on that rather then his problems and doesn't want to discuss his SEN with other parents? Not saying she is right to crow about acivments but I do understand it. I talk openly about ds SNs, two main reasons being I don't feel they should be a dirty little secret (although I know for others that they don't want to share because its private, not because they are ashamed, every bodies different) and because of the attitudes showmen here, I feel that if I don't share my sons medical information people will just see a pushy mother with a naughty child.
I get so upset when I read some of this crap.