19 yr old daughter just told me she is pregnant appointment booked for tomorrow

[BluePringles]

As the title say. 19 yr old Dd has just told me she is pregnant (possibly 8 weeks) and has an appointment booked to collect a termination pack tomorrow.

She has to go alone and it all has to be done at home due to covid.

I've no experience of this, so if anyone would be willing to share experiences of what to expect I'd be really grateful.

I'm currently working from home so will at least be around.

Thank you.

I don't have any experience, sorry, just wanted to say you must be in shock and hope that you and your daughter get through this ok.

Your daughter sounds lucky to have you

She may have cramps if medical termination so have a hot water bottle for comfort. She may need distracting and just want to curl up and watch some films.
Hope it is not too bad for her.

I had this almost 20 year ago. It will have most likely improved a lot now but she'll likely be in quite a bit of pain so anything to help with that. Does she have to starve herself? If so her favourite foods for when she's allowed to eat again.

Thanks all, yes I think we are both quite shocked.

She is being very practical and has arranged everything and will also get a contraceptive injection tomorrow when she collects her pack, which seems like a good idea.

I don't think she has to starve herself but she's been eating very little as she's been feeling quite sick for a few days (while I've been worrying she had covid, seems ridiculous now!) so getting some nice things in for her is a nice idea.

I think she takes some tablets tomorrow and then the rest on Thursday. I assume Thursday might be the worst day so I will try to juggle work. Her boyfriend has also said he will take the day off to stay with her so I'll just be around if they need me.

I just don't know what to expect and she is being very organised and in control, which is not like her, this is the girl who normally tries to get me to make all her phone calls for her, so I think perhaps it hasn't fully hit her.

I wish she didn't have to go alone tomorrow, bloody covid!! But I'll be here when she gets back.

When I had one at a similar age and length of pregnancy I had a really upset tummy while the tablets were taking effect. Toilet roll and air freshener may well be needed, pain killers, hot water bottle and some super sanitary towels. Maternity ones are good but my be a difficult subject so extra absorbant ordinary sanitary towels may be better.

You should feel very proud that she has spoken to you about this. I was 17 when I had an abortion and no one in my family knew about it for years. It says a lot about you as a mum that she has shared this with you.

Oh your poor dd. I wish every teenager who wanted a termination had a mum like you. Sounds like she's taking charge which is perfect and you can be there to support and hug her.

As well as all the physical stuff, just be ready to be there for the emotional stuff. The hormone crash can cause sadness and remorse - even when an abortion is the right thing to do and there are absolutely no doubts. Bloody hormones! I think good food, good TV are great suggestions. Self care. She sounds very sensible and you sound like a supportive mum. You'll make a great team through this.

Hey I was thinking that perhaps if she’s not had the injection before she should maybe not consider it? It’s just another hormone that might “mess” with her.
At the clinic today I saw a grandma with her granddaughter. I just wanted to say it was supportive.

Thanks everyone

I am quite concerned about the psychological impact, she is definite that she is sure but I know that hormones etc will play a part.

She's never had the injection before or anything hormonal so maybe it would be an idea to wait for that rather than be bombarded with everything at once. I'll look into that thank you.

Like marybo I had a very upset tummy too. It makes everything come out so depending on how she is it may not be something she wants her boyfriend to be privy to. It can be quite scary when the vilae comes out too. I hope she's okay

You sound lovely and very supportive which is what she needs right now

I had a medical abortion at around 20, I wasn't as far along as your DD but for me it just felt like a bad period which lasted a bit longer (I think it took two weeks to stop bleeding), my advice would be to get her a hot water bottle and some nice sweets and treats as she may want to eat a little bit more after the procedure. The psychological impact for me at first was like omg what have I done?! But I wouldn't push her to talk about it, if she wants to talk then just be an ear I'm 26 now and don't regret having the abortion, I met my husband a year later and we've travelled the world and bought our own house which I don't think I could have done with a baby at the time so I know I made the right choice for me and I'm sure your daughter will feel the same

She has a great mum in you OP, that will be such a comfort to her through this experience.

OP you sound lovely, your daughter is lucky to have you!

I know you can’t go in with your daughter but have you considered going with her and waiting outside? Just so she doesn’t have to do the journey alone.

Thank you for sharing your experiences it's been really helpful.

We discussed last night about perhaps not getting the injection at the same time. I read somethings on line where it says there's also a small chance this can effect the abortion not working although I think it's a tiny chance. Although I think it might just be extra hormones in the mix just now that aren't needed. So she will phone when the clinic opens to let them know.

I suggested going and waiting outside but she didn't seem keen but I will offer again this morning.

I'll stock up on pads, painkillers and nice things today too.

A hot water bottle will be a life saver too! She will be in a lot of pain after she takes the second lot of tablets but it’s relatively quickly over with. The emotional and psychological impact has knocked me for six and I’m having counselling, but starting to feel better now hormones have levelled out. Good luck

You sound like a lovely mum 🌷

As po just said, she can collect the pack tomorrow, but she doesn't have to take them tomorrow, she can give herself a couple of days.

Is SHE making the decision, would her BF be supportive if she decided not to terminate? I'd be concerned he's guilting or pushing her into it and she's going too fast.

I'm not saying she shouldn't have the termination, I'd just be worried she wasn't making it for herself (doing it to 'keep' him) or feeling she wouldn't gave enough support to have the baby.

I think it's wise to wait re the contraception.

Thanks for the links I'll check it out/pass it on to DD.

Just to clarify I was only told yesterday after the appointment was made but Dd (and her boyfriend and 2 close friends) have known for longer. I think she's discussed it with them too and she is pretty sure on her decision although I know that doesn't mean that this won't lessen the impact of it all.

I don't think she is being pressured in any way and I know from previous chats (unrelated to her) this is what her decision would be.

But you are right of course once collected it doesn't mean she has to take them today. Her appointment is later today so I am going to go along and wait outside so she has company for the journey and pick up some supplies and nice things too for whatever the next few days brings.

@BluePringles I meant more that it has many side affects and because it takes 3+ months to get out of the system, why do it.

She won’t be able to have sex for a few weeks and she maybe emotional
After the pill abortion.

Can I ask why her contraction failed the first time?

I had one years ago in my early 20’s and agree the second pill is the worst one and the pain was awful and worse than period pain and I do suffer with that normally.
I don’t remember being able to eat while the pain was so bad but afterwards some comfort food if she feels up to it.
Good luck to her

@Basilandparsleyandmint how long did the pain last?

Have painkillers ready, as it's obviously quite painful... it shouldn't last long, in my experience the worst part of passing the clots ect was painful but only for an hour or so, then it was just bleeding to contend with. I did it at home too.l and she needs to take it easy for a couple days.

They were using condoms I'm not overly sure what went wrong.

I've picked up both paracetamol and Ibrufen so hopefully that will be enough. She suffers quite badly with period pain normally so hopefully doubling them up will help along with a hot water bottle.

Heading to the clinic shortly.

Possibly 8 weeks ???
Has she had a scan- i think they need to be sure as you can’t be beyond a certain gestation for medical termination
Sorry if she has had one I just didn’t want to not mention it in case she was further than advised for the tablets