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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

How did your DP react to childbirth!

68 replies

ChicaBallerina · 26/05/2018 10:48

I'm a bit concerned about DP. I'm extremely open minded, think childbirth is a beautiful thing, don't see anything gross about it, and whilst I'm nervous and know it's going to hurt (a lot), I'm looking forward to the experience and delivering my baby.

DP thinks the whole thing is gross, doesn't want to get in the water bath with me (if I do end up having one), doesn't want to look, thinks the whole thing is disgusting and weird etc.

He has one daughter from a previous relationship but this was a c section and he wasn't in the room so no experience of the actual birth.

Is his a normal reaction? How did your DP react to seeing childbirth for the first time?

OP posts:

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TheBogWitchIsBack · 26/05/2018 10:54

If he can't cope with the birth of a child how is gonna cope with shitty nappies, snotty faces and vomit.
Tell him to fucking grow up. Anyone who refers to childbirth as 'gross and disgusting' shouldn't be having children.
I have zero tolerance for these man babies.

annandale · 26/05/2018 10:55

He was really good - always calm in a crisis and unbothered by it.

Why would anyone be in the pool with you?? Wouldn't that be an infection risk?

In my secret heart of hearts though, I wish he hadn't been there. The midwife thought he was saying everything I needed to hear so left us mostly to ourselves . I was terrified but couldn't articulate any questions. I needed an experienced midwife to reassure and encourage me. I needed not to be thinking about him and his needs. I could never publicly say any of that. Have people you know you feel confident in, especially if it's your first.

Original poster

ChicaBallerina · 26/05/2018 10:59

@annandale lots of men get in with their partners towards the end to 'catch' the baby apparently. Midwife talked it all through with me and said he's more than welcome to join me in the pool as long as he has a shower first. I just have to give my permission.

I would love to give birth just me, but could never ask DP not to be there. He's terrible in highly emotional situations!

Wouldn't refer to him as a man baby, he's just extremely squeamish! He's a lovely dad and definitely capable of raising a child just can't get his head around childbirth

OP posts:

PotteringAlong · 26/05/2018 11:02

I wouldn’t want to be in the pool either with blood and poo and baby floating around, and I’ve had 3 children.

Giving birth might be a beautiful thing. But it’s also a bit grim at times. As far as I can tell, the best thing about actually giving birth yourself is that you don’t have to watch it happen.

PotteringAlong · 26/05/2018 11:02

*if I wasn’t giving birth

TheBogWitchIsBack · 26/05/2018 11:03

I'm sorry I think if you're going to create a child then you need to grow up and get your head round childbirth because that's the end result.

robotcartrainhat · 26/05/2018 11:05

My DP found it less disgusting and weird than I did!
I actually found the whole experience really disturbing whilst he was very calm and thought it was beautiful etc
I can understand why your dp might find it weird because that is what I felt... however his job is to support you through what could be a very difficult time so he should keep his comments about finding it 'disgusting' to himself and just man up and actually offer moral support. He can feel how he likes about it and he cant really control that.. but he can control what he says to you, and he can put some effort into being there for you.

Shenanagins · 26/05/2018 11:09

Mine was great, very calm and reassuring. When things got a little touch and go (ie emergency c-section on the cards), he gave me a boot up the backside to keep going.

Actually that sounds awful but it wasn’t! It was more of a, you can do this, you still have the strength, listen to the midwives (as I’d stopped listening). He got me through it to be honest. Although if I’d been allowed a water birth I wouldn’t want him in it and not would I want to get in for someone else as all the stuff is a bit gross!

annandale · 26/05/2018 11:22

'I would love to give birth just me...he's terrible in highly emotional situations!'

OK, hold the phone. This is not an awkward family party. This is you, labouring and giving birth. I don't intend to scare you because there's no need - you can do this and I'm sure you will be well looked after. But I cannot emphasise enough how much you need to put yourself first for this. If you really would rather do it just you, or you and your mum, then do it. This is serious stuff and his feelings, apart from the ones involving supporting you, don't come into it.

Archie1982 · 26/05/2018 11:46

I feel like some people are being a bit harsh here. Childbirth is a lot to get your head around. The judgemental comments on here can be a bit much sometimes. The comment about “f*cking growing up” and that he “shouldn’t be having children” if he feels like that says more about your own immaturity to be honest!

We’re all human and react in different ways to situations. I am better at dealing with certain situations and my husband with others.

My hubby is allowed to be squeamish about it just as much as I am. I know with him, it’s a concern about not being able to control what’s happening and not knowing how to handle it - he’ll try his best. Who defines what is the “normal” way to react anyway!

P.S I had no idea they can get in the pool as well!

TheBogWitchIsBack · 26/05/2018 11:53

🙄 there's always one. I'm as entitled to my opinion as anyone else.
Anyone who's referring to childbirth as 'gross' sounds like a 12 year old boy. I wouldn't want him in the room with me.

ALittleAubergine · 26/05/2018 11:58

Dp found it hard and felt helpless the first time round as I was really having a difficult drawn out labour. Not because of any other reason but having to watch me go through so much pain without being able to help.

susej · 26/05/2018 11:58

Thought he’d be squeamish, but after a nice quick easy labour I pushed out the baby and it was tears all round. He was more emotional than me, I just wanted to get stitched up and go home. He was completely besotted and said the whole experience was amazing and there’s nothing like it.
But my birth was so straightforward, in and out within a few hours. No pain relief. Followed my exact “birth plan”.

But, do not have anyone useless with you. You’ll be livid, and you won’t relax. Giving birth is not like you think it’s going to be, him getting in a birthing pool to catch the baby? You might want to let go of that dream, it could happen, but most likely won’t.

Archie1982 · 26/05/2018 12:00

Your entitled to an opinion....and I’m entitled to respond. Works both ways!

Maybe try to articulate your opinions in a more constructive way.

In my opinion, your comment sounded like it came from a teenager with an attitude. It wasn’t very helpful and it was kind of aggressive.

SoyDora · 26/05/2018 12:05

Well there is a lot of blood and other bodily fluids. If someone is naturally squeamish about those sort of things, it’s unreasonable to expect that they’ll suddenly get over it just because it’s related to childbirth.
However using the word ‘gross’ makes him sound a bit ridiculous.
DH was absolutely great.

PurpleTraitor · 26/05/2018 12:07

I think it’s kind of gross too. Cos it....is. I didn’t want to be the focus of attention, and I didn’t want anyone touching me - and I wanted to be completely in control of who saw what. So I didn’t invite anyone to watch, because it is not a spectator sport. That included my partner.

Seconds after the babies were born I called him in and from that point he was an amazing support. It’s OK to do this.

GinnyWreckin · 26/05/2018 12:07

Don’t have him there if he’s squeamish.

Get a doula.

Good luck with the birth.

Dvg · 26/05/2018 12:35

i wouldnt have him join me in the bath no, it gets real disgusting in there, i wanted to vomit just seeing all the bits floating around and the runny poo water.

BeesAndMist · 26/05/2018 12:38

Dc’s was born by elcs. Dh stayed head end when I was actually cut and baby removed and I had a little curtain thing so I couldn’t see. The doctor asked if dh wanted to cut the cord after dc was out. I was still all opened up and when dh went down to the business end the blood drained out of his face. He cut the cord and then spent the next 2 hours shaking and absolutely useless. He didn’t hold dc2, help me get comfy, ask if I’m ok, anything. I’m still pissed off with him 3 years later. If we ever have another he’s not coming in during the birth because he pissed me off so much.

Laniakea · 26/05/2018 13:08

I've had four kids & I think gross is quite an accurate description - blood, amniotic fluid, vomit, shit & piss; it certain isn't pretty. No bloody way would I get into water, that's just grim.

But that's irrelevant - you are the one giving birth, if you don't think he'll be able to support you in the way that you would like then you're perfectly entitled to find someone else to be there with you.

PurpleTraitor · 26/05/2018 13:09

Or to do it by yourself. You don’t have to have people watching you.

Havetothink · 26/05/2018 13:11

Childbirth can be gruesome and traumatic, I'm sure it's fine and lovely for some but I don't think anyone should be forced into it. If you want dp there and he's happy to be with you great, though I wouldn't push him to get in the bath with everything else that comes out. My husband came away from our first baby looking deathly grey and unwell and he's not usually squeamish. It is an amazing thing giving birth but I'm not sure I'd call it beautiful. I doubt any partner really wants to see his other half in pain/being cut/bleeding.

Fatted · 26/05/2018 13:14

Some people can deal with seeing it, other people can't and I think it's a bit harsh to critise your DP if they don't want to be there or watch if they find it difficult. The last thing you need is some squeamish passing out in the middle of giving birth. If DP doesn't want to be there, find someone who does have the stomach for it. Simple.

50andgoingstrong · 26/05/2018 13:35

My DH was more nervous than me but he was there and he did his best.

It was a long labour, I sent him home at one point to get some kip. He was back in the morning and with me but tbh I was too busy to notice him much!! My midwife was amazing, saying all the right things and looking after us both.

I got to 8cm and they found out ds stuck and turned wrong way so we went to theatre for my crash section at that point DH stepped outside as he felt faint!!

My midwife was amazing and stayed over her shift to be with me.

I know he found the whole thing traumatic but he would never admit that.

However, with both our babies, he was mega supportive afterwards and was so loving and caring to me as a new mum. I think I could have given birth without him but I could never have recovered from birth and settled into motherhood without him.

He is an amazing dad to our two. It's really not all about the birth!

GummyGoddess · 26/05/2018 13:43

You need someone who will have an argument for you to be your birth partner. Just in case you really need something and can't get your point across.

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